


Grip

by idaxbo



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Anxiety, Coming Out, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, George´s pov, I have no idea what to add, Insecurity, Internal Conflict, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 70,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27944339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idaxbo/pseuds/idaxbo
Summary: After Dream, George and Sapnap decided to move in together for a year, George slowly realizes that he may feel mesmerized by Dream. From the depth of his soul, he develops feelings for Dream that he has never felt before and may have to battle a between friendship and feelings.For what felt like ten minutes, but were approximately 3 seconds, Dream and George had their bodies so close to each other that no air could escape through. George felt Dreams warmth within his body and felt his breath down his entire spine.They were so close that he almost felt Dreams lips on the back of his neck, and unexpectedly, he wanted that. All the way down to his bone marrow, he wanted Dreams lips on his neck. Which he knew he would not get. Why would he? And more importantly, why did he want it?
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 363
Kudos: 1142





	1. Home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a Dreamnotfound fic. Honestly, it´s my first time writing any fanfiction. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

“Oh, home sweet home!” Sapnap shouted as the boys arrived at their new apartment. 

It was some months ago where the Dream, George and Sapnap decided to move in together. They were at that age where it was perfect to move in with your best buddies before actually finding a place on their own. They tried to keep it lowkey for a while, but the closer they got to the “moving-in-day", the more they talked about it on stream. As expected, their fandom couldn´t shut up about it, and their donations consisted of questions about where and when they moved in. 

“Ah, finally,” Dream started packing late, simply because he hated the thought of going through every belonging to find out what he wanted to throw and what he wanted to bring. He hated every single second of packing and the only thing that motivated him was the thought of moving in with his best friends. Even though the packing had made him exhausted and quite cranky, standing in the hallway of their new apartment made it worth it. 

It was a three-bedroom apartment, with a huge living room and a modern kitchen. They all knew that the kitchen wouldn’t be used too much, but having a nice kitchen seemed like a must when they looked for apartments. 

The bedrooms were soundproof, and they had to spend a great minute finding a place where the bedrooms were soundproof enough for three gamers. Sapnap and Dream were the ones that looked for apartments, considering that George lived in the United Kingdom. The funny thing about it though, was that Sapnap and Dream had stood in the bedrooms and screamed their lungs out too see how soundproof it was. George, that had to listen to their screaming through Facetime, had laughed so hard that his stomach was still hurting. He could only imagine what the landlord must have thought about two grown men screaming. 

George didn’t want to admit it but moving so far away from home had scared him. He knew if he told his friends, they would either make fun of him or feel like George didn’t want to move in. Which he did. It was just scary. 

“I know you are all grown up George but moving that far away from your family. Everything you know and has ever known; do you really want that?” His mother has asked the day he talked about the plan on moving in with his friends. His mother cared for him, and she did not mean it in a bad way, she was just hurt. George knew that. 

The closer George got to the date of his flight, the more supportive his mother was. She could see how excited he was, and how much he wanted this. And honestly, all a mother wants is to see their children happy, so she had gotten used to the thought of him moving. Although, she cried the day he left. Which was two days ago. His last two days were only traveling, and it had made George so exhausted that the apartment didn’t even make him all excited now. He only wanted to sleep. Still, of course, he was happy that he would spend the next year with his best friends. 

As two huge moving trucks arrived, the boys sighed when they realized how long it would take to get all the stuff in. 

George, on the other hand, moved from another country, and had to buy a lot of furniture for his new room, but considering that it was quite late, and the fact that he was exhausted meant that he had to wait until the next day. He brought some clothes and his computer, because what is more important than his computer? His mom promised to send more clothes once he settled. 

As the boys had got all their boxes in, they looked at them with disbelief. 

“How much stuff did we even bring?” Dream sounded exhausted and he was still breathing heavily from moving all the boxes into the apartment. His hair hid the sweat from all the caring. Honestly, all the boys were exhausted. 

“You tell me Dream, it´s not like we are three boys that’s going to move in” Sapnap rolled his eyes, and his tone gave the boys the idea that it was time to take a break. Or maybe just leave the boxes there for tomorrow. Or leave them there for the next week. 

“None of this stuff is even mine, Sapnap,” George reminded them. 

“Right,” Sapnap looked over the boxes again. The fact that two men had these many boxes was shocking. “Well, I think it's time for a break.” 

Even though the boys didn’t have any furniture in the living room, they decided to order food and sit on the floor while eating it. Not going to lie, they enjoyed the simplification of just sitting on the floor eating their food. And really, they didn’t care. They were finally all together and would be for a very long time. They didn’t know if it was the feeling of being exhausted, or the fact that they felt safe around each other, but for some reason they already felt like they were home. Even George, that was terrified by the new surroundings, felt like he was home. 

The entire evening, they talked about all the things they would do this year. All the things George had to see and all the streams and videos they would make together. It seemed like this year would be the best year of their entire life, and frankly, it probably would be. 

“Yes! Ah the fandom will explode” Sapnap laughed, answering to a comment Dream made. “Speaking of them, no one has tweeted that we arrived,” 

For hours, the boys had forgotten about the supporters around them. Of course, they loved them. But for a while, they just felt like a normal group of friends moving in together, and not youtubers that had moved in with me mind of content. 

After tweeting their entire timeline consisted of theories, “overly-excited” fans, fanart and everything you could imagine. It made the boys busy for a while trying to get a head-up about what their fans thought of the whole thing. 

“Oh god,” George mumbled after minutes in silence. 

“What?” Dream and Sapnap looked at George questionably. 

“I have nowhere to sleep. Oh, I totally forgot the fact that I don’t even have a bed here. We don’t even have a sofa” George sighed. George had to get a new bed, since he couldn’t bring his own and he had totally forgotten the fact that he probably had to sleep on the floor the first night in their new apartment. All he really wanted was a good night´s sleep, and now, he probably wouldn’t get it. 

“Come on now, you can just sleep in my bed” Dream didn’t even hesitate. The thought, on the other hand, made George uncomfortable. He didn’t really have a choice, but he couldn’t quite understand why it made him feel so extremely uncomfortable. 

“Wow Dream don’t get too excited there” Sapnap mocked. 

“Calm down Sapnap, you are just jealous that me and George can cuddle and not you,” The comment made them all laugh, and George couldn’t do anything else than play with it. It was a joke. It is not like they would cuddle anyway. 

“Yeah, you are right. I will cry myself to sleep now,” Sapnap joked and pretended to cry, and the boys laughed even more. Yes, it seemed like this year would be the best they will experience. All the laughing had made their stomachs arche, and they had to catch their breath to calm down. 

__

Dream had a huge bed, luckily. Somehow, it made George feel more comfortable that he had a huge bed. Only because it meant that they could have some space. George just hated the thought of sharing a bed with someone. Ever since he was a child and was sleepover, he hated having to share a bed. Just because he hated the warmth of another human. It may seem weird, but he almost felt claustrophobic sharing a bed with someone. It wasn't rare that George called his mom in the middle of the night for her to pick him up at sleepovers. 

“You know, you can help a poor soul over here,” Dream said as the sheets once again fell of the corners, “George, please I am about to give up,” George giggled as he walked over to the bed to help Dream. 

“Cannot believe that a grown man can't put bedsheets on,” Dream gave George a deadly look, and if looks could kill, George would be dead by now. Still, it made his giggling turn into laughter. “No hard feelings,” He added to save himself from Dreams dreadful look. They continued to put the sheets on, and George was watching Dream´s movement. How did he manage to make it look so hard to put bedsheets on? God, please Dream, stop. 

“I only have one duvet,” Dream threw the duvet on the bed after they finally managed to put the bedsheets on, “But I mean, it is kind of big.” The fact that the duvet was big did not calm George down, it still meant that they had to share. 

“I guess I can just sleep with more clothes,” George mumbled. 

“George, it's okay. We can share.” See, George knew that. But he still didn’t _want to share._

“Yeah, totally,” Honestly, George did not know what to say. At least it is only one night, he thought to himself. George was just staring at the bed and he was starting to regret the fact that he did not buy a bed today, but his thoughts was distracted when Dream threw himself at the bed.  
“Dips on the right side,” Dream said as he put his phone in the charger. He looked at George, studying the fact that he just stood there, “Are you lagging?” He joked, forcing George to get back to reality. As George was walking to “his” side of the bed, Dream started undressing, and George could not help but watch him. How his hands crabbed at the end of the hoodie and threw it over his head, leaving it on the floor. As he sat up to take off his sweatpants, George watched his stomach muscles tighten. Did Dream workout? 

_Wait._

George quickly looked away, why did he stare at him like that. _It was just weird._

“Seen enough yet?” _Fuck._ He saw. 

“I´m sorry I was j-” 

“I was joking.” Dream said, giggling. It caught George off guard. He did not mean to study Dream; it was just the fact that his body looked differently than what he thought. _Not that he has imagined Dreams body before._

George went under the duvet and he already wanted to leave. Dream had already made the environment warm under the duvet. _God dammit._ An entire night with his warmth. 

As Georges thoughts was drifting, he noticed how Dreams breath had got heavier and he realized that he has fallen asleep. He turned around so his face faced Dreams and for a moment, George has never felt warmer in his life. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was a warmness he could not explain. 

Before meeting Dream and Sapnap, George had only seen bits of Dream. He never sent his face, no matter what people believe. Seeing him in person, he realized that Dream has quite beautiful eyes. He had seen a picture of them but seeing it in person was different. There was something in Dreams' eyes that sparkled, almost like it was stars in them. Lying next to Dream, something in him wanted Dream to open his eyes so they could lock them together. So, he could see his eyes once again. One more time before going to bed. Another part of him wanted them to never lock their eyes every again. His eyes weakened him. 

_What was he even thinking?_ George tried to get the thoughts out of his head, but it was hard considering that he was lying down next to him. 

He just couldn't fall asleep. 

It was impossible. 

After minutes of twisting and turning, George gave up and left Dreams room. The boxes had created a labyrinth and finding a way to the kitchen was somehow almost impossible in the dark. George sat at the kitchen counter while drinking a glass of water, thinking of how his thoughts had drifted while watching Dream. He was probably just sleep deprived, he thought. 

“Why are you awake?” George was startled when he realized that Sapnap was standing in the kitchen with George. He raised his shoulder as a “I don’t know”, but, he knew. Dream distracted him. “Dream was cuddeling to hard?” he chuckled. 

George rolled his eyes in frustration. He was exhausted and really wanted to sleep, “Yes, something like that,” he mumbled. Sapnap jumped onto the kitchen counter too, studying Georges face, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Why are you up by the way? I don’t think I asked,” 

“You didn’t. I couldn’t, and then I saw you were up, so I decided to join you for a bit,” Sapnap answered while reading his twitter timeline. After a while, Sapnap left George alone, telling him that he should try going back to sleep soon. The thought of going back to Dreams bed was somehow tempting, but also something he didn’t want to do. 

Still, he had to get some sleep. So, he decided to lay in bed again. Next to Dream. Listening to his heavy breathing.


	2. Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting terrible sleep, George need to get a new bed.

_“No. He is still sleeping,”_ Dreams voice woke George up, and before he could realize what happened, Sapnap jumped onto the bed. 

“Wake up!” He shouted in Georges ear, causing him to sit up. The way Sapnap woke him up made George want to drag him by the hair and kick him out of the bed. But he didn’t. He kept it together. George did not get a lot of sleep. He tried, but it was impossible. He was way too excited to go get his own bed. 

“Fuck off Sapnap,” George barked at him. He itched his eyes to try to wake himself more up, but it was simply impossible. Georges guessed that he may have, if he was lucky, got about 3 hours of sleep, which was way too little. Sapnap tried to force George out of the bed, and it only made him angrier. It took him a while to understand that Sapnap loved when George was cranky. “What's the rush, please,” George mumbled. 

“First of all, I think we should get some breakfast, buy some food, get furniture, pack out and-” 

“Fine, don’t tell me more,” George interrupted Sapnap as he listed all the things they had to do today. 

“Also, Minecraft Championship is today,” Dream said as he sat down on the bed, “And I think we should be ready before that.” George had totally forgotten about Minecraft Championship. He had not even packed up his computer. George sighed as he left the bed. As he stood up, his eyes met Dreams. And even thought it only lasted for 2 seconds, it felt like 3 minutes. _Oh, how beautiful they were in daylight._

_George. Stop._

_Please._

“You are so cute,” 

“What?” Georges eyes shut up at Dreams comment. The way he said it made Georges heart warm, and he felt his blood pumping through every vein in his body. 

“You are so cute. Look at his hair,” Dream said to Sapnap as he put his hand in Georges hair to mess it up even more. It made George blush, but he hid it and walked out of the room, leaving a big sigh. Why did he feel that way? Dream had always made fun of George but hearing his voice right next to him felt so different. It felt so much. More. He had no words to explain it. He felt shyer around Dream, in a way he had never felt. George could not explain it or put words into how Dream made him feel. Of course, he only felt this because he was overwhelmed by it all: a new city, a new house, everything new. That’s what he thought. 

George stood in the bathroom, looking at his body in the mirror before the shower was warm enough. George had never told anyone but looking at himself in the mirror made him uncomfortable. He didn’t really like what he saw. _He never had._ Fairly, a lot of people feel this way, but he always pretended to be comfortable with himself, but he wasn’t. Seeing Dreams body last night made him jealous, but also, he admired his body. Dream made it look so effortless to look good, how he tightens his muscles by sitting up, and how his arms moved perfectly in his every move. _George could never._ George shaked his head, why did he care about how Dream looks? Surly, it is just weird seeing him in person, but still, there was something George could not put words into. George put his hand under the running water and realized that it was warm enough. His thoughts had made time go fast. He went into the shower, letting the water rinse his thoughts with it, and he let the warm water wake him up. He was still tired, but at least the water would wake him up for some hours. 

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Dream from last night. He just couldn’t forget about it. _Why?_

George quickly dried and walked out of the bathroom. Dream was standing in the hallway with coffee in his hands. 

“Thought you needed some,” Dream smiled at George while handing him the coffee that he probably got while George was in the bathroom. Dream was right, George desperately needed some coffee. When George reached for the coffee, their fingers met. Just on the very top of their fingers and it lasted for less than a second. Still, George felt his touch on his entire body, from his fingers to the very end of his toes. He felt Dream. 

“Thanks,” George said very quietly, looking up at Dream. He didn’t feel it. George could see it on his face. Dream didn’t feel the same touch as George did. Somehow, it almost made George disappointed. George tried to give Dream a small smile, but he figured that it didn’t work. Luckily, Dream didn’t seem to care about that either. 

“You ready to go boys?” Suddenly, Sapnap was in the hallway with his car keys in his hand. George had not realized that Sapnap was there, he was just thinking about the moment he felt, that Dream didn’t. George nodded at Sapnap and took a jacket on him. “Man, you don’t need that. You´re not in the United Kingdom anymore,” Sapnap said pointing at his jacket. George rolled his eyes to him. Surly, he was right. The sun was shining, and the weather was warmer than he was used to. He quickly took the jacket off, thinking about how he needed to get used to it all. 

After one hour of looking at furniture, they had found a nice couch, a dining table, a coffee table and other furniture they found necessary. Surprisingly, it was easier to find everything they needed than they expected. They all had the same taste when it came to the interior. Simple, but pretty. Of course, George did not want a lot of colors, considering that he was colorblind, but the others didn’t want that either. They liked the simplicity of black, white and gray. The only thing left was to get George a bed, so he didn’t have to spend another night with Dream. Not that he totally hated the idea of sleeping with Dream again, but still, he didn’t enjoy it either. 

One thing that is harder than most people think is getting a new bed. You tend to fall in love with your own bed and getting a new one is painful. You need a bed that is soft enough, but not too soft, also not too hard. It is a lot to think about, considering that George will have the bed for a year. Or more, he didn’t know. Some of the beds were way too hard, some were too high, too wide, too narrow, too soft. In conclusion, finding a bed was hard.  
“What about this one George?” Dream said, pointing at a bed after 20 minutes trying to find the perfect one. Before being able to respond, Sapnap pushed George on the bed. George being unable to respond, looked at Sapnap with huge eyes and his entire face has a “what-the-fuck-was-that" look. Sapnap laughed, and quickly joined George on the bed. 

“This feels nice,” Sapnap said after tossing and turning in the bed. George on the other hand found the entire thing was too embarrassing. You are not supposed to try the beds at the stores, and especially with shoes. “Dream join us,” Somehow, none of the others found the whole situation awkward. 

“Yes, I agree Sapnap,” Dream said, wrapping his hands around Georges small waist. “It is also a perfect bed to cuddle, George,” he added. George knew that Dream meant it as a joke but feeling his hands around his waist made him question it. What Dream said caused Sapnap to wrap George into his arms too, and it didn’t take long until George tried to get out of both of their grips. Which was, of course, of no use. He couldn’t escape. 

“Please let go of me,” George mumbled into Sapnap´s chest. They ignored him and answered by squeezing at him tighter. George felt Dreams entire body close to his, and something in him wanted him there, and another part of him wanted to cry. “Fine, I'll get the bed, let go of me,” George tried again, and this time, Sapnap loosened his grip. Contrarily, Dream didn’t. For what felt like ten minutes, but were approximately 3 seconds, Dream and George had their bodies so close to each other that no air could escape through. George felt Dreams warmth within his body and felt his breath down his entire spine. They were so close that he could almost feel Dreams lips on the back of his neck, and unexpectedly, he wanted that. All the way down to his bone marrow, he wanted Dreams lips on his neck. Which he knew he would not get. Why would he? And more importantly, why did he want it? It was abnormal for George to even think about the fact that he, for 3 seconds, wanted to feel his best friends lips on his neck. 

“Yeah, okay lovebirds, let´s buy that bed and get the fuck out of here. We have a championship to win,” Sapnap joked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading again! I didn´t really think anyone would find it.
> 
> This chapter was kind of sort, so the next will be longer and i will post it shortly after this one. 
> 
> Again, any comments, criticism or ideas are always welcome <3


	3. A kiss.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being away from home is harder for George than he thought.

George woke up at 2 pm the day after Minecraft Championship. He had been so sleep deprived that his supporters had started to get worried, and he couldn’t even eat the entire day. Which Dream had commented on before he went to bed. Still, he had spent the entire day yesterday thinking about how he and Dream had been so close in that bed, and it even caused him to lose focus during the championship. Which also had made Twitter worried, so worried that George woke up to notifications where Dream had tweeted saying that George was okay. The thoughts of Dream having to calm them down like that made George frustrated. George shouldn’t have let his fans get so worried, but he honestly couldn’t do much about it now. The damage was already done. 

_@Georgenotfound: I am fine everyone. I was just tired and exhausted from moving. Thank you for worrying about me :)_

After tweeting George decided that it was probably best to get some food, so he wouldn’t worry Dream and Sapnap on top of it all. As he stepped into the kitchen, he saw Sapnap over the oven cooking a meal. 

“George! I am glad you are awake,” he smiled and gave George a sign to sit down, “I made us food,” he added and placed the eggs and bacon on the kitchen table. He gave George a small smile, and George could see that the smile meant that he was worried about him. George gave him a smile back, trying to hide his sigh. As he was afraid of, he had worried his friends. 

“You didn’t have to, Sapnap” George mumbled while grabbing the fork. Sapnap reassured him that it was no problem, and that he just wanted George to get some food. “I would have eaten,” he explained to Sapnap. 

“Yes, probably. I have no idea,” For some reason, Sapnap sounded almost annoyed, “A day without food George?” he added while watching his friend eat. The food tasted good, but it also made George nauseous. Probably because he hadn't had a meal earlier. The food got harder to chew the more George thought about worrying Sapnap, and he felt his eyes on him the entire time. Suddenly, it was almost impossible to eat and George had to place his fork down, which Sapnap took great notice of. 

“Please eat more,” Dream placed his palms on Georges shoulder, leaving George frozen. He had made them both worried. They had probably talked about it after he went to bed, George thought. Dream removed his hands and placed himself next to George, looking into his eyes. _His beautiful eyes_. It didn’t matter to George that he couldn’t see Dreams eye color, they were still beautiful. The way it looked like it was an entire ocean and hundreds of stars in them. It made them so beautiful, and that the thought of him being able to see the color made him afraid that he would be even more mesmerized than he already was. He had genuinely never seen more beautiful eyes. It made him almost uncomfortable by the thought of being in love with his best friend's eye. George wished he could tell Dream how beautiful they were, but he also knew that they would mock him for it. For finding his friends eyes pretty. 

“George?” While George had been daydreaming in Dream´s eyes, he realized that the boys had tried talking to him, “Dude, fuck, are you okay?” Sapnap said in a faint voice, forcing George to come back to the real world. 

“Yes,” George nodded and quickly turning away from Dream. He felt both eyes on him. How long did he look into his eyes? How long had they tried talking to him? Did they catch him daydreaming? _Fuck_. George felt a lump in his throat form. _Why did he even care so much about Dreams eyes?_. The whole situation had made him insecure and confused, and he really wanted to leave the kitchen. He was afraid that his friends would mock the situation. He wanted to cry, and he _never_ cried. Never. George tried eating some more, but the lump grew, and it only made it harder to swallow the food. “I am so sorry for making you guys worried,” George said while placing his face in his hands. He didn’t do it to cry, he did it to hide from them. Still, he could feel them looking at each other, and probably had a “what-the-fuck-is-going-on" type of look. 

“Why are you apologizing?” He felt Dream wrap his hands around his neck, and shortly after, Sapnap joined. He was now sitting there with four arms around him, and it made him feel so safe. “You have no reason to apologize George,” Dream added, and George could feel him drag him closer. 

“No, dude,” Sapnap said, “Yes we were worried, but don’t apologize for it!” They both removed their arms and looked at him with a soft smile. “See!” Sapnap continued and pointed at Georges plate, “You ate it all!” 

It was weird seeing them get excited over George eating food, but then again, he had gone a day without eating. Once again George felt Sapnaps arms around him, “I was just exhausted,” George started explaining while being in Sapnaps arms. “Leaving home was harder than I thought. And yes, I am so glad that I have moved in with you guys, but-” 

“We get it George,” Dream assured, “Its a new beginning, and we are here for you,” George looked over at Dream and gave him a smile. George, for the first time in a long time, felt a tear in the corner of his eye. He didn’t let it slip, but it was there. It wasn’t a tear of sadness; it was a tear of happiness. This is one of the moments when he remembers why he loves them so much. 

“You are my happiness,” George said, almost awkwardly. 

“Please stop, I will cry,” Sapnap said and they all started laughing. Still, laughing was a sort of way for them to say they agreed. They were each other's happiness. 

\- 

The boys sat in the living room and was watching a movie. George hated movies, but it was still lovely to be in the company of the boys. Movies are just predictable. Movies nowadays have almost the same plot with just a few variations, and you can almost predict the outcome in the first twenty minutes. You can easily spot the villain, a good ending, the good girl gets the guy she wanted. All in all, way too predictable. Of course, its a few movies where it hasn’t a happy ending, but most movies are the same. Not to mention that a lot of movies have scenes that just don’t make sense and you could have been perfectly descent without them. Still, it made him hate them less watching it with his friends. 

Dream on the other hand, love movies and had to comment on everything that happened. Almost like they didn’t watch the same movie. Dream was cute while commenting, so it somehow didn’t matter to George that he did it. Usually, it would annoy George all the way from his head to his toes, but it didn’t. He wanted him to comment on the movie. George was in Sapnap´s arms, and believe it or not, it was not his choice. He tried the first nine minutes of the movie to escape from his arms, but it was no use. He had given up and was stuck in his best friends' arms. It was a typical Sapnap thing to do. The only thing that made it bearable was the fact that he had the perfect view of Dream. When the movie had boring moments, he could look at his friend and study how he was mesmerized by the movie. Huge eyes, bad posture and a slight open mouth. He made it look like an interesting movie, but Dream was still more interesting than the movie. At times, Dream struck his hair and George was watching every move; from removing the hand from his lap, running it through his hair and placing his hand back in his lap. While running it through the hair, he tightened his biceps, and it was fascinating to watch. How he tightened it so effortlessly, but it still looked so good. Almost like he tried to get Georges attention, but he hadn't even looked at George since the movie started. He simply couldn’t care less about him. 

“Can you pause? I need to use the bathroom,” Sapnap asked Dream, and Dream quickly paused the movie. The movie had started to become slightly interesting, but it still didn’t catch Georges attention. As Sapnap left, George and Dream sat in silence. George took the opportunity to stretch after finally being free of the thigh grip.  
“Enjoying your freedom, I see,” Dream laughed, throwing a pillow at George. _Wow_. Dream started wheezing at Georges reaction to the pillow. 

“You just started a war,” George warned, “A war you can´t win.” George threw the pillow back at him. George flinched when Dream sat up, and he quickly tried to escape, but he was too slow. Dream was on top of him, having his thighs on each side of Georges waist. Dream held himself up with his feet, so he didn’t place his entire weight on George, but he was still heavy enough to make George unable to escape.  
“A war,” Dream teased, “A war I can't win?” He looked George right into his eyes. _His weakness._ Did Dream know? Dream was still wheezing, and George could see that he loved the fact that he had the upper hand.  
“Fine I give up,” George said thinking Dream would get up, but he didn’t. He didn’t care that George gave up. George tried to remove Dream, but it was impossible. “Dream I said I give up, now leave!” He yelled. 

“I will let you go if you kiss me,” Dream said. George couldn’t figure out if it was a joke or not, there was no way to find out if he meant it by tone. 

“W-what?” George was struggling to get his words out, and he didn’t know if it was from having Dream on top of him or the fact that Dream hadn't laughed after making that comment. George tried to look for any type of sarcasm in his eyes, or eyebrows. Or anywhere. It made George so confused that Dream would make a comment like that and then not wheeze after three seconds. 

“I will let you go if you k-” 

“- Holy fuck what the fuck is going on here?” Sapnap shouted coming into the living room, “Are you fucking cuddling without me?” Sapnap jumped onto the sofa, forcing Dream to finally leave Georges body. Dream started laughing and continued the movie. George didn’t know if he laughed about the kiss, Sapnap or just laughing in general. George sat up, and this time having some space from Sapnap. The boys quickly went back to watching the movie, but George couldn’t concentrate. All he was thinking about was what Dream had said and the fact that he didn’t know if he joked or not. _He probably did joke right?_ He had to. There was no way that he meant that, and he probably said it to just make George confused so he would have extra power over him during their fake fight. 

\- 

Sapnap had quickly gone to his room after the movie to stream some speedruns. Dream and George promised that they would join after some minutes, so they were just cleaning up the living room. They didn’t talk. George usually liked the silence, but after the incident earlier, he really wanted Dream to talk. He didn’t. Not even about the joke he made. A kiss? George did not understand why he even cared about that joke as much as he did, after all, they had always joked like that. It was just very different this time. It felt more _real_ for some reason. It didn’t feel like a joke, but George knew that it was. The same thoughts were stuck in his head, and he couldn’t think of anything else. 

“Better join Sapnap,” George broke the silence. 

“Yes, finally a dream team stream again. I bet they missed that,” 

“I bet they miss _your_ streams,” George teased. Dream didn’t stream a lot, and George used to tease him for it. Still, Dream did get more viewers overall, so it didn’t really affect Dream that he teased. Dream just giggled, as an “yes, probably”, but without the words. 

George placed his phone in his pocket and walked to his bedroom. Right before opening his door, Dream placed a hand on his shoulder and turned George around. George looked at him, all confused. Dream had some of his hair covering his face, meaning that he had just ran his hand through his hair. 

_“So, about that kiss-”_ Dream said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Left it in a bit of clifhanger there, didnt I?
> 
> Again; any comments, ideas and criticism.


	4. Palm.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kiss? A palm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up! Bit of anxiety in this part, but I tried to keep it as "lowkey" as I could!  
> You can jump over the part without really missing anything, it just get you to know George better.  
> Anyway - enjoy!

Chapter 4 

Palm. 

_“So, about that kiss-”_ Dream said. 

George shut his eyes up. The comment made him stunned, and he could feel his eyes drying faster from having them shut up. There was no way Dream _didn’t_ joke earlier. George didn’t know what to say, and without realizing it, his mouth had turned into a small “O”. Did Dream mean it? No. Dream didn’t want to kiss George. Hell, George didn’t _want_ to kiss Dream. Right? Fairly, George found Dream good looking, and he loved Dream with all his heart. He would honestly take a bullet for Dream, which he of course didn’t tell him. But he would. Dream was that type of person that George would run too if Dream was in pain, a person he would stay hours awake for just to talk. Still, that was it. Dream and George were friends. That was it. _Friends._

Still, George couldn’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about how Dream had been on top of him. How they had locked eyes. About that kiss. _He couldn’t stop thinking about a kiss that didn’t even happen._ Would it happen, if Sapnap didn’t come in and ruin the moment? Would Dream break the act and start laughing? Oh, if only George could go back in time and lock Sapnap in the bathroom, just so he could see what would happen. _No,_ George didn’t want to kiss him, he reminded himself. He didn’t care. George shaked his thoughts and looked back at Dream. 

“What about it?” George snapped. He didn’t want to sound confused or annoyed, but he did. He was annoyed. Well, annoying is a bad term to use. He was more confused than annoyed. George had noticed that Dream had lifted one side of his mouth, and it had turned into a smirk. It didn’t make Dream more of an ass, it just made Dream slightly more intimidating. 

“ _“Oh come on_ “, you would still be under me if it wasn’t for Sapnap,” Dream teased, and George felt every vein in his body turn warm and moving up to his face. Dream was somewhat right. He probably would still be under him. A part of George wanted that. He wanted to be under Dream. Truthfully, he _never wanted Dream to leave his body in the first place._ He wanted to feel his body weight against him again. To look into his eyes, to feel Dream trying to keep himself up but slowly get heavier and heavier on Georges body. He wanted to feel Dreams body close to him. Just like he did in the store. He wanted every single inch of Dreams body next to him. Close to him. Around him. _Everywhere._ George found himself shocked by his thoughts. Why did he let them slip like that, _again?_. Dream made him so confused and he didn’t even know how to act. _Dream was so close._ If George wanted, he could kiss him right now. He only had to move slightly forward, and he would feel his lips on Dreams. 

_But he didn’t._

_He couldn't_

“No,” George answered. Dream looked at him, confused. 

"You would still be un-” 

“No Dream, I would have kissed you,” Now, George didn’t _know_ if he would have. But he had to turn it around. George had to intimidate Dream back. 

“Y-You would kiss me?” 

“I would,” George said once again, looking at Dream while trying to hide the fact that he was almost scared. Dream didn’t scare him. George feared himself. Feared his thoughts. Feared how much he, for some reason, wanted to kiss him. He had never felt like this before. Never with a _man_. George had kissed girls; he is twenty-four years old. Still, it had never felt like this. Feeling like a kiss was something he wanted. Something he _craved._. “Anyway,” George continued, “We promised Sapnap to join so,” George said, and quickly opened his door. He closed it on Dreams face, turned his back against the door and slid down. 

George was sitting with his face covered in his knees and he felt his tears forming in his eyes. _Don´t cry George_. He was slowly hitting his head against the door, trying not to be too loud in case some would hear him. George had learned that physical pain could inhibit mental pain and hitting his head against the door helped. George knew that Sapnap was waiting for him, but he couldn’t join now. He would have heard his voice stifled with tears. The worst thing that could have happened was if Dream heard him like this. George didn’t want him to think it was his fault. Which George honestly didn’t know. He didn’t know if it was Dreams fault that he felt this way. He didn’t know why he wanted to cry; he didn’t know why he felt like this. He hated it. He hated being this weak and couldn’t even explain why. 

George tried his hardest to keep his tears stuck in his eyeballs, but he couldn’t. He let them roll down his cheeks, making them sticky. Once he started crying, he couldn’t stop. Which was why he never cried. Or he tried not to cry. He didn’t cry often, and he hadn't cried in front of others for years. He didn’t even cry when his mother had cried the day he left. George let himself sob, and tried to get enough oxygen, but it felt like he was choking. The more and more he cried, the bigger the lump in his throat grew. It had grown so big that he didn’t feel like there was any oxygen coming through. 

George starting to get worried and afraid, was he _dying?_ He couldn’t breathe, and he felt his hands shake. He quickly threw his t-shirt off to be able to get more oxygen, but it didn’t work. Did he have something on his neck? He tried feeling his neck but there was nothing there. Nothing could choke him, but he still had to fight to get oxygen down his lungs. _What is happening?_. George didn’t cry anymore, he couldn’t. He was way too afraid to cry, if he did, he may not be able to breathe at all. He was sitting there, with the bare minimum of oxygen and struggling to breathe, see and think. George tried to hit his head harder, but he couldn’t, they would hear it. Therefore, he placed his nails in his upper arm to feel some pain other than the pain his lungs were feeling already. He bit his underlip, trying to hold in his tears while the pain in his arms went thought his entire body. He hated having to do it to himself. He wanted to rip out his lungs and put oxygen in them by himself. He just wanted to calm down, but he couldn’t. 

George felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he managed to get it out with the little energy he had. He was still panicking. 

**Sapnap**

_Hey, where are you?_

George felt more tears forming. He was taking way to long, but he couldn’t even stand up. He just pretended that he didn’t see the message and tried to calm himself down. _Breathe George. Breathe_

\- 

George woke up, still sitting down with his back to the door. He had fallen asleep. The panic had made him so exhausted and he couldn’t even remember when or how he fell asleep, but he did. He has finally calmed down. _Did he black out?_ He checked his phone, and the message Sapnap had sent earlier was now one hour ago. It meant that George had slept on his cold floor for one hour. He rubbed his eyes and put his hand through his hair. It was wet. He was covered in sweat and the sweat made him cold. 

George quickly checked if Sapnap was still streaming, which he was. He clicked on it to watch what he had missed. George still didn’t know what had happened to him, but he was still so tired. Sapnap was now on the Dream SMP and was joking around with Dream. George sighed, he wanted to join, but he had to get the sweat of his cold body. He forced himself up, and his knees were hurting from sitting in a bad position for over 1 hour. 

“Fuck,” He mumbled and placed his hand on the door to keep him balanced. He went to his closet and took out one of his gray merch hoodies and sweatpants. He then got a towel and placed it on his shoulder. While standing in the bathroom, George was once again studying himself before going into the shower. He looked at his arm, which he had placed his nails into. It had started to fade away and wouldn’t leave any marks. Which was good. George checked the temperature and walked in when he realized that it was hot enough. He put shampoo through his hair and scrubbed away the sweat that had been formed in his hair. He then scrubbed his entire body and let the hot water give him life again. He already felt so much better. 

When he walked out of the shower, the cold bathroom had turned warm and the fog was placed on the mirror, making it impossible to see anything in it. Which George didn’t mind. George was drying himself when he saw his phone light up on the sink. He knew that he shouldn’t bring his phone into the bathroom knowing that it could be damaging to the phone, but he really didn’t care about it. Not in “i-have-so-much-money" kind of not caring, more of an “i-just-don’t-care” type of way. He dried his hands and checked his phone. 

**Dream**

_Could you come to my room?_

_?Why_

_I am editing our video, need help_

George sent a thumbs up and put on his clothes. The fog had slowly disappeared from the mirror, and George made sure that his eyes weren't red from earlier and that his small marks on the arm were invisible. Dream, George and Sapnap promised everyone that they would vlog this year, and Dream told them that he could edit them. You know, so it will get done. They had all vlogged while on the way to the new apartment, so the subscribers would get every point of view. Before even posting a single vlog, they had got a lot of subscribers on the channel they have made. They wanted to have a channel that only focused on vlogs. Not only is the vlogs good content, but it was also a good reason to do other things than sit inside and play the entire day. 

George knocked on Dreams door, but didn’t care to wait for an answer before going in. Dream was sitting on his chair and turned to George. He was wearing a black T-shirt and gray sweatpants and his headphones had made his hair messy. 

“Hi,” Dreams voice was soft and quiet. He made a sign for George to come closer. George sat down at one of Dreams armrests and watched his monitor. “You didn’t join the stream,” 

“No,” 

“How come?” Dream looked at George, and since George was sitting at the armrest, he was slightly taller than Dream. They locked eyes. It was almost like Dream looked for something in them, but the evidence was already gone. 

“I fell asleep,” George explained. Dream started laughing. 

“You fell asleep?” Dream looked back to his monitor, “Cute.” 

George placed his hand in his palm, he hated when Dream called him cute. Still, he loved it too. Dream was showing him what he had edited and was asking George what he thought, but the way George was sitting was way to uncomfortable in the long run, and it made it hard to focus. Something Dream noticed. 

“Sit here,” George looked down at Dream as Dream was patting his hands on his lap. There was no way George was going to sit on his lap. _No way._ “You are such an idiot,” Dream added while placing his hand around Georges waist to drag him down. George groaned as he fell on Dream lap and turned his face towards him. 

“Dream,” He rolled his eyes at Dream. Once again, they were so close. George could feel Dreams breath on his face. Dream started laughing and turned Georges face around with his hand. They sat like that for minutes while Dream was showing him the video. Making it perfect. After a while, George didn’t mind sitting on Dreams lap, and Dream had told him many times that George was so small. Dream was taller than him, he was bigger in general. Still, it made George feel tiny, sitting on his lap, but he pretended like he didn’t care about it. Because of the tight space, Dream had relaxed his arm on Georges lap, and George got warm from Dreams temperature. After a couple more minutes, the video was perfect, and Dream had sent it to Sapnap to look through it. Sapnap had gone out after his stream to meet some of his friends and they just needed a thumbs up from him so they could post it. George was still sitting in Dreams lap, and neither of them commented it. They were just sitting there, looking at their phone while waiting for a response. 

“Do you wanna order?” Dream asked. George looked at the time, 9 pm. The day had gone so fast. 

“Sure,” George answered. The broken silence caused George to try to remove himself from Dreams lap, thinking that it was natural to leave now. Dream quickly pressed his palm deeper in Georges lap, the thumb on his inner thigh and the rest on the side, forcing him to sit down. George felt the palm in his entire body, and he asked Dream to let go in his head, “Dream-” 

“No sit here while I order, I need to know what you want,” 

“Y-you could have done that without me being on your lap,” 

"No,” 

George sighed and dealt with it. Dream had loosened the grip a bit, but George could still feel the hard palm on his inner thigh. He had to focus while Dream was having his hand placed in his lap. Considering that it was close to his junk. Not that Dream _turned him on_ or anything. It was just a fact that his hand was way to close. George didn’t know if Dream had realized it or if he knew exactly what he was doing. While Dream was on his phone, George was wondering if he had ordered and just pretended like he didn’t so George had to sit there. He didn’t dare to try escaping again, he simply _couldn’t feel Dreams palm like that again._

Suddenly, Dream moved his hand slowly upwards George leg. George shut his eyes while watching his hand. _Dream, you better stop_. George placed his hand on Dreams, removing it with force. 

“Strong today George?” Dream teased. George shaked his head and turned his face towards Dream again.  
“I am always strong,” George teased back, causing Dream to lose his smile, “Your hand was annoying,” 

“Why?” Dream smiled, “ _Was I turning you on?”_ Dream said it as a joke, George could hear it. George was used to Sapnap and Dream having inappropriate jokes, but it was a little different hearing an inappropriate joke after having his friends' hand towards his junk. 

“You are so gross,” George said, punching his friend in his arm. George removed himself from the lap, and this time, Dream let him. Dream started wheezing at Georges reaction. George laughed too, not knowing if it was from Dreams wheeze or just to make the situation less awkward for him. 

Now, to answer Dreams question. No, it didn’t turn George on. The scary part about it was; George didn’t know if he _wouldn’t_ get turned on. If he let Dream move his hand just an inch more, would he feel it? Would his best friend actually be able to turn him on? George didn’t want to know and tried to get the thoughts of his head. Still, something in him screamed yes. 

_Yes Dream, maybe you was_

_Maybe you would_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehm :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Any comments and criticism are welcome :-)


	5. Bare.

George didn’t sleep a lot last night. All he had thought about was Dreams hand on his thigh. He still felt it. The entire night he felt it. It was like Dream was there, with him the entire night, having his palm stuck on Georges thigh. He thought about how he had turned his face close to Dream and felt his breath on his lips. And he had thought about how much he wanted that. George had somehow almost gotten used to his thoughts. Afterall, it was just because he was overwhelmed. That is what he had told himself many times already. People tend to think about people they care about, so why wouldn’t he think about Dream? That was what my friends did. Think of each other. At least that was what George told himself, to ease the confusion. To make him more certain that his thoughts meant nothing, and that George didn’t really want whatever his thoughts said. His thoughts were just  confused . That’s all. George didn’t really know what his thoughts were  confused about, but he tried not to care. He tried to shake his thoughts as they arrived. It was better that way. Better to not care. 

Which he did. 

He just pretended like he didn’t 

After all, again,  _ it was better that way.  _

“George!”  Sapnaps voice filled the living room as George walked in, “Oh, you haven't slept good,” He joked and weakly punched his arm. George pretended like it hurt and placed his hand on his arm with a frowny face. 

“Ouch,”  Sapnap laughed at his reaction and messed Georges hair up, “Hey, fuck you,” 

“ You would _ like  _ _ to, _ _ would  _ _ you? _ _ ”  _ He  joked. George rolled his eyes at  Sapnap . If inappropriate  had an award  show, Sapnap would have won every single category. George thought of how he  didn’t care that  Sapnap joked about stuff like that, but when Dream did, it felt like every organ in his body wanted to jump out and flee. How he felt his arms go numb and his eyes shut up.  How come , that _ he didn’t mind  _ _ Sapnap _ _ doing it, but Dream doing it made him crazy?  _ “Anyway, have you seen how many views we got on our vlog?” 

George shook his head and took up his phone. It had already reached millions of viewers.  _ Wow. _ __ It was insane how much support they had gotten while George was sleeping. He loved them so much. Every single fan. George is not the type of guy to tell people  he loves them a lot. He does it to his best friends when he is talking to them alone, and of course he tells his mother that he loves her, but he never liked the phrase “I love you.” Frankly, he almost  hated it . How it meant  so much, but you never really know what it means. You never know how much they  _ mean  _ _ it. _ How much  they  _ actually _ __ love you. It is  all a simple; I love you. No matter what. How such an important phrase could mean so  little. Almost nothing at all. When he told his friends and mother, it meant that he loved them a lot. Also, when he told his fans. Still, he tried to minimize the phare as much as he could. 

George didn’t tell a lot of people, but he considered his mom one of his best friends. She had always been there for him. She never looked down at George when it came to his coding, his gaming, his streaming; nothing. She was always proud. She told him that. Every time she saw him, she told him how proud she was of him. She always watched his videos and would send bad screenshots covered in heart stickers. But it never made George embarrassed. Many would be, but he loved it. If there was one person he would cry in front of, it would be his mother. Even though it was years ago. She had the best shoulder to cry on, and he thought about it whenever he felt sad. When he had left home, his mother told him to send a text message at any given possibility. So, he did. It had made his trip easier than it would have been without her. It felt like she was there with him, even though she was not. 

When it came to George, he really didn’t tell a lot of people anything. Not even his mother. He liked to keep his thoughts personal and didn’t share them a lot. Unless it was an idea or something he really had to talk about. Whenever people were arguing, he would never interfere with it. He kept quiet and answered them in his head. He didn’t mind people sharing their personal life or thoughts, and he always listened when people did, he just didn’t care to do it himself. 

“It is crazy how much they care,” George said. He had let his thoughts drive him away from reality and  Sapnap looked surprised when he answered. 

“They are just so great,” 

\- 

“Fuck!” Dream screamed on the small balcony they had, “It is so fucking hot today. I can't take this heat,” 

“We have a fucking air conditioner inside, Dream,”  Sapnap answered shaking his head at Dream. 

Dream was right. The weather was so different to what George was used to in August. Of course, it was hot in the UK in August too, but this was at a different level. 

“No, I know but still,” Dream walked inside and closed the door to make the air conditioner work better, “Should we go for a swim?” 

“Hell, yeah we should!”  Sapnap shouted as he ran to his bedroom. Probably changing into bathing trunks. 

George didn’t want to swim. He had already seen Dreams body and knew that  Sapnap would have a better body than George. Meaning they both would. It made him feel so insecure, but he didn’t want to disappoint his friends, and they would never let him stay at the apartment. George sighed and walked to his bedroom to find something to wear. He grabbed a small bag and placed his towel and a water bottle in it. He looked at his bare body in the mirror and was reminded that his friends would see it. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, but he felt like he was getting smaller and smaller where he stood. They hadn't even seen it yet and George already felt like he was about to vomit. 

\- 

When arriving at the beach, George felt his sweat form on his forehead.  _ It was so  _ _ hot. _ They had found a small place to sit, and there was a tiny bit of shadow there, where George had placed himself. Dream was sitting next to him, on his knees while trying to fix the speaker they had brought. Even though they probably weren’t going to be out for a long time, they could make the best out of it. Dream connected his phone to the speaker and  put on a random playlist. He brushed the sand on his palm and looked at George. 

“Enjoying the sun, I see,” He joked at the small man sitting in the shadow. George gave out a small laugh and turned his face to  Sapnap , who was already on his way to the water. Waiting for the boys. “Come on George, it's so hot. Take of that T-shirt and join us,” 

George felt his stomach drop. While Dream was saying that, he ripped off his T-shirt. George watched every movement of it. Just like he had done the first night. He threw the T-shirt on the sand, forcing it to get millions of sand-corns on it. George looked back at Dream. He was standing there, bare. His stomach was flexed towards George, and he wished he could look at it forever. How perfect he looked while he was confident. How good the sun made him and how it lighted up every single detail on Dreams body. Not only was his upper body beautiful, but his legs also made Dream look like a God from Georges view. He looked so tall, so full of life, so strong. It was like Dream was built like a perfect human being. Where every single part was fitting well with others.  _ That body had been on top of George.  _ That beautiful body on top of him, even though he was covered in clothes, George thought about it. And how he wanted that body on top of him again. This time, just like he was standing in front of him. Bare. 

_ No George, you are letting your thoughts slip again.  _

“I am good right where I am,” George had to place a hand to cover the sun in order in order to look at Dreams face. “I don’t really like to swim,” He added, thinking Dream would just let it go. But he didn’t. 

“I won't buy that. I will drag you out there,” 

George looked at him with dead eyes: “No, you wouldn’t. Look at all these people,” 

“You think I care about them?” 

George didn’t want to take off his clothes and join them. Why would Dream just give up? He didn’t want to embarrass himself next to this  beaut \- 

His friend. 

_ He didn’t want to embarrass himself next to his friend.  _

“Fine, I'll do it myself,” George hadn't noticed, but Dream had sat down next to him. He grabbed Georges left wrist, hard. He placed the other hand on Georges right hip, quickly grabbing the T-shirt. George tried to stop him, but the hard grip was almost painful. Dream slowly pulled Georges T-shirt out of his right arm, and quickly changed position. It all happened so fast that George could even resist. His right wrist was now hardly grabbed, and George found himself biting his inner cheek. Dream could almost hold Georges entire wrist in one hand. Suddenly, George sat there without his T-shirt, and Dream let go of his wrist. Georges eyes shut up, and he covered himself with his arms. How did that happen and why did George even let it happen? 

George felt his cheeks turn read and he wanted to disappear. This was what he was afraid of; to feel this small. George felt another lump form in his throat. He wished Dream wound just would look away and pretend like he had never seen George. But he didn’t. Dream removed Georges hands, leaving George stomach where everyone could see. Dream looked George into the eyes, and it made George feel slightly less insecure, but not enough for him to not wish to be invisible. 

“Stop that,” Dream mumbled, quickly and softly biting his lip. 

“Stop what?” 

“Covering yourself,” George tried to answer, but Dream cut him off, “You are handsome,” Dream looked him in the eyes. Deep. So deep that George was scared that he could see his thoughts. George bit his inner cheek harder. 

“I am not,” George whispered. Dream was close, and George could see the slight disappointment in his eyes when he said it. 

“If you were me, y-” 

“If I were someone else,” George cut him off, “I would never find me handsome, I would never find _ George  _ even  slightly pretty ,” George felt his tears forming in his eyes. Why would he even say that?  _ Why did he show this weakness to Dream?  _ What is wrong with him? 

Dream tilted his head and looked at George, he slowly rolled his eyes; “No, if you were me, you would find  _ George  _ beautiful,” Dream said, “Because you are. You are very beautiful George,” 

George looked down at the sand, he didn’t want to look at Dream. He would never find himself as beautiful as Dream described him. He felt weak where he was sitting, having to sit here with his best friend being there to tell him those things. Even though George didn’t ask for it, he still felt weak. 

“I want you to see that George.” 

George let himself shed one single tear, but he quickly removed it. So fast that Dream didn’t even notice it. He was too busy  studying George. George wanted to run, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. 

_ “I will make you see that”  _ Dream added.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m sorry that this was kind of short! 
> 
> Anyway: :-)
> 
> Thank you ALL for reading. I simply never thought anyone would even find this


	6. Confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´ve come to the conclusion that I will make longer chapters, meaning I will take a few more days before I finish them.

The weather had started to get colder since the boys had arrived at the beach. They had stayed there for longer than they thought they would, and it had been a long time since they had chilled at the beach. They usually never did it, but when more people went home, the boys enjoyed the sound of waves and breeze wind. Dream had managed to force George into the water twice, and George didn’t hate it as much as he thought he would. Still, no matter how many hours they stayed at the beach, George didn’t feel less insecure, and he had replayed his conversation with Dream in his head. He hoped Dream would never talk about it again, never talk about how weak George had been. George didn’t know why he had been so honest, and why he told Dream that he didn’t find himself good looking. He felt almost defeated. How he managed to hide his feelings in front of everyone but Dream. How did Dream make him feel so safe, but also so confused? So irritated, so helpless? So weak, yet so strong? George didn’t understand why, and how Dream could even make George feel like that. _It wasn’t like Sapnap did_ , and he had also been Georges friend for years. George had tried to put the pieces together, but he didn't manage it. _It was impossible._ His brain didn’t tell him what was going on, simply because he had never felt like _this_ before. He had never felt this overwhelmed by a person. He never wanted to punch someone as much as he wanted to punch Dream, but he also never wanted to kiss someone as much as he wanted with Dream. It made Georges stomach twist thinking of it, and he wanted to scream until his lungs didn’t have any more oxygen and until his voice didn’t work anymore. He wanted to bury himself in the ground and never come up. _He just wanted to disappear. He wanted to become invisible._

It wasn’t a surprise to George when Sapnap had started whispering about the girls that had been around them at the beach, it was something Sapnap would do. _Admire the opposite gender._ He didn’t do it in a creepy way, and whenever he told them about someone, he tried making it as unnoticeable. What was a surprise to George, on the other hand, was that he didn’t _care_ when Sapnap had commented on someone's look. Don’t get him wrong, he found them pretty, he just didn’t understand why it was such a big deal. It was just girls enjoying the beach. Nothing special about them. _He honestly didn’t see what they saw. He didn’t care like they did._ All he thought about was how Dream looked, standing in from of him with his bare skin. Shining in the sun and how the small sand-corns on his body made him look so pretty. _That was something to comment on._ If someone were to comment on Dreams body, he would understand. He would agree. It made him confused. Confused was the only word George could use to explain to him lately. _Confused._

George had, as told before, kissed the opposite gender. But he never cared to make out with them. He never wanted to flirt with them. Whenever George arrives at parties, his friends would be so hyped to find the closest girl to stick their tongue into. George on the other hand would play drinking games unless it had something to do with kissing, touching or intimacy. He just found it unnecessary and it wasn’t in his slightest interest. He never wanted to be in a relationship. He didn’t see the point _; it was a waste of time and almost every relationship is doomed to end._ It's just the hard truth. People tend to love too fast and then they realize that they really don’t. People also tend to mistrust themself so much that they ruin the relationship slowly by themself. Without even thinking about it, they suddenly think their partner would cheat or lie. _Just like that._ It was honestly embarrassing seeing his friends thinking someone would cheat and then they hadn't even kissed a teddy bear. Mistrust is something we just develop over time, no matter if we have evidence or not. _That is why people suck._ We ruin ourselves. When he saw his parents leave each other, he really didn’t understand the point. They had been together for years, got a fucking son, and then just realized that they didn’t love each other anymore. All those years together and as soon as the papers were signed, they suddenly didn’t know each other. It was like a piece of paper had a spell on it, and it made them forget each other. The only thing they have in common now is George. That´s it. _How stupid._

“Should we go out to get some drinks?” Sapnap asked the boys as they removed the towel from the sand. George partied; he just didn’t drink a lot. He got drunk way to fast and had blacked out once in his life. After that he promised himself that he would control himself in the future, but a couple of drinks couldn’t hurt.

“Sure, there is a small bar by this beach, very lowkey so we don’t really have to change,” Dream answered. They were covered in sand and saltwater, they should shower, George thought.

“I don’t know about you guys,” The boys looked George, “But I´m trying to get rid of this saltwater and sand before drinking anything,”

“George is right,” Dream said, “No, we should like take a shower at least.” It was like Dream suddenly had a change of mind when George spoke.

“Fine, shower, then drink,” Sapnap groaned.

“And eat,”

-

Dream and Sapnap had thought of the dumb idea that they should all shower together to save some time. Something they didn’t think about was how small the shower was, and they were all watching it in disbelief. They all wore boxers and decided that it would be very awkward to shower naked.  
“We can't all fit in there,” George sighed. George didn’t want to share a shower with them, and he was covering himself with his hands. Dream had removed them two times already, but as soon as Dream let go, he put his hands in front of his stomach again.

“Yes, we can,” Sapnap pushed George in, and Dream didn’t hesitate to join. George looked up onto the roof and didn’t know where to place his eyes. _They were all so close._ Sapnap turned on the shower and they all let out a small scream.

“Note to self; make the water turn warm before jumping in,” Sapnap laughed and Dream playfully punched his head.

George was still struggling with where to put his eyes during it all, but he froze when Dream looked at him. The water ran down his hair, forcing small waterdrops to escape to his face. George felt him focus more and more on Dream, and the sound of the water was slowly fading away. All he saw was him. _All he cared about was him._ George let his eyes slip and looked at Dream stomach. Something Dream noticed, since George could hear a small laugh. Somehow, George didn’t care. George looked up at Dream and locked his eyes with him. The water made them even more beautiful than they usually were. George let himself drown in them. Dream didn’t remove his eyes either. They stayed like that. Looked right into each other's souls, let them be vulnerable. George didn’t even want to blink, he just wanted to keep drowning in Dreams eyes. He took notice of Dream removing them, but he didn’t let them slip for long, they were quickly stuck on Georges lips. _George saw that._ George felt his breath slowly get a bit heavier. If Sapnap weren't there, would Dream kiss them? _Would George kiss him?_ George let his eyes move to Dreams' lips, fast, but he could study them enough. How the water had made them shine, almost like he has put on glitter. The water made them seem so fuller, so warmer, so irresistible. _Oh, how much he wanted to move closer to Dream._ George gradually moved his hand closer to Dream, but he was so careful. He didn’t want to seem sudden. He didn’t really know why he did it. _He just knew that he wanted to._ George felt his lungs stop when Dream put one of his fingers on Georges hand. Just that one finger made George cry for more. He wanted to feel Dreams entire hand on his. It all felt so slow, but it happened so quickly. So fast that Sapnap wouldn’t notice. George had almost blocked Sapnap entirely out. He couldn’t hear or see him; he just knew that he was there. George didn’t want to breathe, he wanted to keep this moment forever. George pretended to slip on the water, just so he had to balance himself closer to Dream. They were already close from the beginning, but now their arms were placed next to each other. It felt like their arms was one. _That was how close they were_. George took a deep breath and forced it out of his lungs. George wanted to feel Dreams entire body, he wanted to move his hand on his stomach, he wanted to move so close that they didn’t have any air between them. He knew that he couldn’t. _He didn’t know why he wanted to._ All he knew was that he wanted Dream in a way he had never felt like this. It made George think; _why didn’t he care for any girls in his entire life, but now that Dream was standing half-naked next to him, he just wanted to push himself closer and feel his body?_ George bit his lip as he thought about how much he wanted Dream. _This wasn’t enough._ He hated that he didn’t know what Dream wanted. He didn’t know if Dream cared as much as George did. _Was it just a coincidence that he touched his hand?_ The shower got hotter and hotter as all the boys stood there, but George didn’t mind. _He would stay in the shower forever if it meant that he was with Dream._

“Alright, we ready to step out?” Sapnap forced George to come back into reality. George didn’t remove his eyes from Dream, and Dream used even longer to step into reality. _What was he even thinking?_

As the boys had left the shower and got ready to leave, George wished that he was still in the shower. He wished that he told Sapnap that they needed one more minute, but it was too late. _Oh, if he just had one more minute._ George was wearing black jeans and a normal white T-shirt. He had a hoodie over the T-shirt, but he probably had to take it off when they arrived, he had it in case he got warm. He didn’t really feel like going out, but he went with it and tried to make the best out of it. Dream was standing in the hallway, and George could see Dream look at him in his peripheral vision. He wanted to look back, but he didn’t. He forced himself to not look at Dream. It would have reminded him of the shower, and it would make him melt. George had still studied Dream earlier. He had fixed his hair and George loved that. He wore a thigh T-shirt, and if Dream stretched, he would show some skin from his stomach. Something George didn’t mind, of course.

-

“One more round!” Sapnap shouted at the waitress. The bar was full, and it was all starting to get dizzy.

“I shouldn’t,” George answered after placing the shot glass on the table. He felt the alcohol burn in his throat.

“George,” Dream placed a hand on Georges shoulder. George felt every touch. George felt where every finger was placed on his shoulder and he found himself melting by it. “One more man, you can take one more,”

Honestly, George couldn’t. George didn’t tolerate shots at all, and three shots were already way too much. Another would make him drunker than he already was. Still, George gave in and took the shot with his friend.

“Argh,” George groaned, “It is so fucking bad.” His friends started laughing and Dream patted him on his back. George had to concentrate on holding his head up, and he just wanted to bash it on the table and sleep. George hadn't even realized that a group of girls had sat down on them. He was way too drunk to even care. _If he wanted to look at someone, it would be Dream._ George placed his head in his hands, and he felt the entire world spin.

“And that poor fella over there is George,” He couldn’t hear which of his friend that spoke, he was way to zoned out. George took one of his hand up to wave, and he felt tiny giggling responding. He tried to focus on whoever was sitting in front of him, but he felt nauseous trying. _George, come on get your shit together._ He felt someone placing themself closer to him. The person was way smaller than Dream, and he watched the small girl next to him. Brown hair, blue eyes. Her hair looked colored. She smiled at him, and George didn’t respond. He looked after Dream and saw him sitting over him, talking to one of her friends. George felt his stomach drop and he wanted Dream to look at _him. Not her._ She told George her name, but George didn’t pay attention and couldn’t understand what she said. _Sarah? Sasha? Huh?_ He had no idea. He felt so stupid having her next to him and he didn’t even want her there, we wanted Dream back. He wanted Dream to sit next to him.

_George, your thoughts._

_They were even worse when he was drunk._

George felt small hands on his thighs, moving slowly upwards. George shut his eyes off. _Get your hands off me!_

He felt everyone's eyes at him. _Please, did he say it out loud?_ George looked at the girl into the eyes and she looked at him with huge, confused eyes.

“I- I´m sorry,” She sounded sad. George shook his head and quickly stood up. He felt his entire head spin and it felt like he was about to fall on the floor. _Why the fuck did he say that out loud?_ George just wanted to disappear. He wanted to run out. He felt his friends looking at each other and he wanted them to come with him. But they didn’t. _They didn’t stand up_. George softly pushed the girl away and made his way to the bathroom. He was hitting his head with his palm and was whispering to himself that he was one of the most stupid people he knew. When George arrived at the bathroom, he screamed. He didn’t care if someone was there. He just had to scream.

“Fuck!” George pulled up his phone. It was blurry and it was hard to navigate thought it, but he just wanted to call his friend Niki. Niki had been his friend for a long time, and she was also one of the people George trusted with all his heart. They didn’t talk a lot, but they didn’t have to – when they did, it felt like they had talked every day. George used a long time to find his contacts and find her number.

“George?” Her voice was confusing.

“Niki,” George felt tears form in his eyes. _Why was he so weak?_

_“_ Are you drunk?”

“Niki when did you,” George was struggling to get words out, and he didn’t even know if words came out or if he said them to himself.

“When did I wh-”

“When did you-” George walked to the wall and sat down next to it. The bathroom floor was dirty and sticky with alcohol and all sorts of things. George shouldn’t have sat down, but he didn’t care. Everything got more and more blurry “-realize that you liked girls?”

Niki took a long time to answer, but George didn’t listen to what she said. She had told him the story before, and he didn’t know why he asked. He was panicking over the way he had talked to the girl at the table and how his friends had looked at him. He didn’t ask her to remove her hand because it made George _feel things_. She didn’t turn him on. He didn’t want her. _Didn’t he want girls? Yes, of course George. Or?_ George sighed and once again placed his head in his palm. Niki was still talking but he couldn’t hear her. Why did he even call her? _He was such a burden._ George was thinking about how he didn’t care about the girls at the beach, how he never cared for the girls at the parties, how he didn’t care for “whatever her name was.” George had always been certain of his sexuality. _Unless he wasn’t._ George rubbed his eyebrows and looked at his phone as the seconds got higher during the call. They had talked for four minutes and he didn’t even know what she had said.  
“George why?” George didn’t know why. _Or did he? He didn’t. He did. Maybe. Maybe not._ He regretted that he even asked her, and he wanted to throw away his phone. “George, please tell me what's going on,”

“I don’t know Niki, it's so loud,” George continued to hit his head with his hand. _Just hang up already._

_“_ What is loud George? The part-”

“The thoughts,” George whispered into his phone, “My thoughts are so loud Niki, _tell them to stop,_ ” George head started to hurt, and he was shaking. It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and was lying on the floor. He felt like someone had shot him millions of times in his lungs. He felt like his entire body was tearing apart. _He couldn’t even control his thoughts. How incredibly weak of him._

_“What do you mean G-”_ George quickly hang up when he heard the door been shot up. Sapnap was heavy in his steps and he seemed angry. George didn’t care if he was. He was too numb to care.

_“_ What the hell George!” He screamed, not a loud scream. But it was there. George didn’t answer, and Sapnap took Georges phone out of his hand, “We lost a perfectly good shot at them, why did you even?” George only looked at his friends, Sapnap had no right to be bad. _George didn't mean it._

_“_ Why the fuck are you mad at me?” George yelled back at Sapnap, even though he couldn’t speak clearly, Sapnap understood.  
“You didn´t have to be so rude, what are you doing in here anyway?” Sapnap looked down at Georges phone that he for some reason had taken away from him, “You called Niki? Is that why you were so rude. You interested in Niki?” George tilted his head and looked at him in disbelief. Niki and George had been friends for years and it would never happen that George would get interested in her.

“Why does it fucking matter, and no I don’t fucking like Niki. _Just leave me alone,_ ” George snapped his phone back and gave Sapnap a sign to leave. Sapnap didn’t listen, he never did when he was drunk, George had been told.

“Then what the fuck is going on, man?”

“Fuck you Sapnap seriously,” George shoved Sapnap out of his way and began to walk out. Sapnap grabbed his hand, but George quickly snapped it back. “Just leave me alone I said,”

“I need an explanation to why you were acting like a total d-”

“Because I don’t fucking know!” George sighed and felt once again tears pressing on his eyes. The thing was; George didn’t know. He didn’t know why he was an ass, and he didn’t know why he called Niki. He didn’t know anything. “I don’t fucking know anything anymore Sapnap. It’s all bullshit; my head is bullshit, _I am bullshit_ ,”

“George, you are not,” Sapnap didn’t have the opportunity to say anything else before George ran out of the bathroom. Sapnap was quick after, but he didn’t stop George. George could see him walking towards Dream, but George didn’t care. He just wanted to leave.

It didn’t take long until Dream and Sapnap was walking with George, but they didn’t talk. They were silent. George felt their eyes on him, but he didn’t mind. He just wanted to sleep. He just wanted the day to be over. He just wanted some hours where his brain didn’t wear him out. He felt stupid and dumb, and everything at once.

-

George laid on his bed, thinking about how he had acted. He rubbed his face, and it was impossible for him to sleep. Niki had blown up his phone, but he didn’t want to answer her. He didn’t even know he called her in the first place. George didn’t know what made him so confuse; everything made him confused. Why did he want to touch his friend, why did he want him to look at him, kiss him, feel him, _have him._ George scrolled through his phone, and whenever Niki called, he watched the screen until it stopped ringing. He just couldn’t deal with it. Not now, not when he didn’t understand why, or what is going on in his head. George felt as if the entire world was burning and everyone blamed him for it. That George was the burden and the reason to why the world was going under. Almost like when everyone look at you when you speak in class: like a stupid person, like a burden for even speaking. That is what George felt like. Like the biggest loser and the biggest villain of all time. He was his own villain, trying to rip him apart whenever he had the chance. The villain that you feel bad for, but still hate at the same time. The perfect combination between good and evil. _That was what he felt like._

“George?” George turned to his bedroom door and found Dream standing there. The darkness made it almost impossible to see him. George didn’t know when Dream had come, or if he even had knocked. Honestly, George wouldn’t have heard if it he knocked. George only responded with sounds; no words came out. Dream moved closer to him, and George could study him. He was only standing there in a T-shirt and boxer, meaning that he probably had went to sleep before coming to Georges room. _He looked handsome where he stood._ “Niki is blowing up my phone and I can’t sleep before I tell her that you are okay,” Dream sat down next to George, looking deeply into his eyes. George didn’t want to look back, and removed his eyes to look at the celling.

“I´m fine,” George mumbled. He wasn’t. He wasn’t fine at all, but he didn’t want to explain himself nor keep Dream more awake than he had to. Dream sighed, almost like he knew that George was lying, but didn’t know what he was lying about. Which was the truth. How could he know? George didn’t even know.  
“You don’t have to lie to me George, but I’ll tell her that you are safe,” Dream stood up again and was heading for the door when George asked him to stay over. George was surprised by his own request and found himself embarrassed for even asking. The truth was; George really wanted Dream there, and he even hated to sleep with others. But George knew that Dream could make him feel safe, just like he had done before, and he wanted that. Just for one night. _Even thought this would be their second night after they moved._ Dream didn’t leave the room, but he didn’t turn to George either. He just looked at the door. Frozen. Almost like he had heard someone die or saw someone get punched in the face. It was painful for George to not get a respond, and he felt himself sink more into the hole he made in his head.

“You want me to sleep over?” Dream turned to George, but he couldn’t see his face. It was too dark. George wanted to see his reaction, and he wished the lights were on to understand what Dream was thinking. Still, Dreams voice sounded confused.  
“I do.” George did.

Dream walked slowly towards George, and George thought he would sit down again, but he didn’t. He laid down. Next to George. George was confused over the fact the Dream didn’t leave, that he didn’t laugh when he told him to stay. George turned to face Dream, and he could see his face. How the darkness made Dream look like a person with a lot of secrets. George placed his hand in front of Dream, and he wished that Dream would take it.

_Which he did._

They didn’t say anything, but it wasn’t needed. George was safe. Safe with Dream. He knew that he was.

_“Goodnight, George,”_

_“Goodnight, Dream,”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3.
> 
> Any comments or criticism are welcome.


	7. Fingertip

George woke up to someone softly stroking his face. The soft movements touched every single nerve in Georges face, and he felt like he could fall asleep again. One of the fingers moved slowly to his lips, but they were quickly removed again. He knew that if he showed signs of being awake, Dream would stop _. He didn’t want that._ He wanted to feel the movements and the fingers playing softly playing with his face. Dream touched every single part of Georges face; his eyebrow, his cheeks, his lips, his eyelids. It was like Dream was studying George, but he didn’t find it creepy. He rather welcomed it, and he felt safe by it. Knowing that Dream wanted to touch him and wanted to study him _, just as much as George wanted to do with him._ Dream was so careful, and only a small bit of his fingertips touched Georges skin, but it was enough for George to feel it through his entire body.

“Are you watching me sleep, _Dream?_ ” George opened his eyes, and Dream removed his hand from Georges face. George laughed and looked into Dreams eye. Dream rolled his eyes and broke eye contact. It forced George to laugh more. Dreams hair was messy from the night and he was only wearing boxers, meaning that he had taken off his T-shirt during the night. George thought about how he in reality hated to sleep with people, but now that Dream was lying next to him, he never him wanted to leave. He wanted them to stay in bed for days, weeks and years. Just be with each other and never leave each other’s side. Dream made him admire things he didn’t usually like What a great _friend_ he was. Dream looked at George again, and this time he was smiling, but had cheeks had turned pinker. _There was nothing cuter than seeing Dream shy_ , and George wished he could take a picture to keep the moment. George placed his hand on one of Dreams cheeks and moved slightly closer. Dream didn’t remove the hand, which was a surprise for George, but he also wanted him to accept George movements. Dreams cheeks was warm, and it was probably because of the blood flood that had made him pinker. His warmness flooded through George and it felt like they were one. It felt as if their veins was connected and they shared the same blood and oxygen. _As if their body became one_ , but they didn’t care. If they cared, they would have left, but they didn’t. Something George was happy about. “So, you were watching me sleep,”

Dream pressed his lips together and giggled, “Maybe.” It was as every part of George was covered in fire when Dream admitted that he watched him sleep. Even though George knew, it was different hearing him admit it. George wished that he could read Dreams thoughts, and that he could share his with Dream, but he was afraid that Dream didn’t agree. That Dream didn’t feel the same way or didn’t feel the warmth flooding in his body. I _f only he knew what Dream felt._

Dream placed one of his hands in Georges hair, and grabbed it gently. They still hadn’t said anything, and they let their touch talk for them. They didn’t need words. Even though George didn’t understand what their touch meant, it was still a moment where he felt safe. _He was never felt this safe in his entire life._ This was maybe the third time they had been so close that they could have kissed with just the slightest movement, and George was wondering if Dream wanted it as much as he did. George had almost gotten used to moments like this, but he never wanted them to end and he wished that he would get more. He could feel Dreams breath on his face, and they were slowly studying each other, trying to be as unnoticeable as possible. It was almost silly, that George knew that Dream was studying him, but he didn’t comment on it. Which was something George usually would, but he wanted Dream to study him in peace. Even though George hated what he looked like, he still let Dream watch him. He didn’t want to hide himself in front of Dream. Which was a surprise for him, but he still let it be. He didn’t want to question his brain more than he already had. George wanted to tell Dream that he wanted him, but still at the same time, _George didn’t know what he wanted from Dream._ It felt like George wanted Dream fully; his entire attention, his touch, his kisses, _everything he could offer._ But on the other hand, George was so confused by the way he felt about him. It made him frustrated that he didn’t know what Dream thought, and if he only had the confidence to ask, maybe he would know already. But George was never the type to go out of his comfort sone.

For a few more minutes, they were just enjoying each other silence. George felt Dreams pulse through his thumb. George placed his other hand on Dreams waist. It felt awkward having it there, but since Dreams didn’t flinch nor remove it, George decided to keep it there. He felt Dreams warmth in his hand, and he wished he could place all of his hands all over his body, and feel every single small detail. Dream removed the hand he had in Georges hair and put it under Georges T-shirt. He did it so slowly, that George couldn’t feel it before it was placed on his skin. Dream squeezed some of Georges skin, forcing George to flitch. George bit the inside of his cheeks, and felt his breath turn heavier. In return, he felt Dreams breath turn slightly heavier on his face. Dreams lips looked interesting, and George was imagining what the tasted like. _Probably good._ _Oh, if only he could taste them._ George fell his blood flood in his cheeks, and he knew that they were turning red, but he tried to not care about it. George moved his hand upwards Dreams body, and he felt his muscles against his fingertips. Dream followed Georges movement, and George felt Dreams hands on his stomach, something he didn’t like, but he let Dream do it. _He let Dream feel him._ George removed his hand from Dreams stomach, and took Dreams hand. They had their fingertips against each other, and George was watching their fingertips move together.

“Did you know Dream,” George said as he their fingers, “That our fingers can feel teeny tine details,” Dream looked into Georges eyes, listening to every word he said. “Meaning, If I closed my eyes and you put a needle through it, I would know exactly where you put it.” George watched as Dream studied their fingers together. Fingers are one of the places where you can feel senses the most, and having their fingers on Dreams, make George feel it in his entire body.

“So, if I kissed your finger,” Dream said, “You would feel it all?” George felt his cheeks once again burning, and he was thinking about what Dream said. _And how much he wanted it._

“I would,” Dream placed Georges finger slowly against his lips, and George felt himself melting by his lips. George didn’t care that Dreams lips weren’t on his, it was the fact that he felt his lips. He knew what the lips felt like. George wanted to scream, knowing that he wanted more, and knowing that he was feeling things for his friend that he shouldn’t. But right now, the fact that Dreams lips kissed his finger, was enough. They didn’t remove their eyes of each other, and they made them self, once again, vulnerable. George smiled at Dream, and Dream smiled back at him, knowing that George had felt the kiss. George on the other hand, didn’t know what Dream felt, and if he only did it to mess with George. Dream took Georges finger away from his mouth, and placed it on Georges face.

“Do you want to go out to eat breakfast today?” Dream asked George.

“Like, go out to eat?”

“Yes, I thought like, maybe a café or something,” George smiled at Dreams request. Dreams voice was calm, and George had never heard it softer than it was.

“I would love to Dream,”

-

George and Dream decided to walk to the café and had talked about nothing and everything on the way there. It didn’t feel awkward between them, and George was still feeling Dreams kiss on his finger, hoping that it would never go away. He wanted the feeling of Dreams lips there forever. They were placed on a small table a little further back in the café and was enjoying their food. George had watched Dream hundreds of times already, and he loved watching his movements. They had laughed so hard earlier, that everyone on the café had looked at them, and Georges stomach was still hurting from it. Dream was so cute where he was invested in his food, and he made it look like what he was eating was insanely good. George got lost in his thoughts when he saw Dream talking to him, not knowing what he had said. He shaked himself into reality.

“You are so cute when you do that,” Dream said, messing up Georges hair. George fixed it quickly and looked Dream into the eyes

“When I do w-“

“Could you not flirt in public,” Dream and George looked at their side, facing an elderly woman, “It is _unnatural,”  
_George tried to understand what she meant, and it clicked for him when she told them it was unnatural. _She was probably thinking they were together._ Not that George and Dream was flirting, but the fact that she said it, made Georges heart sink into his stomach and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. _Unnatural._ George looked at Dream, who also was shocked by her comment. They tried communicating through their eyes, but it was hard for George to understand Dream. He couldn’t believe that she had told them off, and he didn’t understand why it made him feel so anxious. It felt like everyone around them was judging him, and he really wanted to slide under the table and stay there until she disappeared. Dream looked back at the woman, and George was watching him the entire time.

“We aren’t ´flirting in public´” Dream said moving his hands with his statement, mimicking her voice, “ _And even if we were_ , it wouldn’t have made a _fucking_ difference.” George felt Dreams anger all the way from the table and to his head. It looked like Dream was going to push her away, and yell at her. It felt like Dream was protecting George, and George didn’t know why, but he felt like he needed it. _He couldn’t have handled the situation himself_. “I think you need to change your view before being able to comment on anyone. If you could leave us alone,” Dream said, pointing at the door. She looked Dream deadly in the eyes, but Dream didn’t remove eye contact. He wanted to intimidate her, and he wanted her to feel it. George couldn’t help smiling at how hot it looked when Dream was telling her to leave, and how he was protecting George. Not that George needed protection, _it wasn’t like they were flirting anyway._ Once she left, George and Dream looked at each other with the softest smile, and Dream once again messed Georges hair up. It made him giggle at bit, thinking of how it had triggered the woman earlier, but it also made him feel bad, knowing that she had- The fact that the woman had the audacity to tell them off, scared George. It felt like she had weakened him, and he didn’t understand why it affected him as badly as it did. He just wanted to punch a wall. Still, having Dream next to him made him feel safer, it made him feel more secure and he knew that, if he _actually liked men,_ Dream would protect him. _Not that he did._

_Or maybe he did._

_Maybe not._

_“_ Thank you,” George said, still looking Dream into the eyes.

“She was an ass,” Dream answered, “And I should be allowed to tell you that you are cute without an asshole ruining it.” George rolled his eyes at Dream, responding that he wasn’t cute. Something that made Dream repeat it the entire walk home. George didn’t admit it, since he usually never admitted anything, but he had started loving it when Dream told him he was cute.

-

In order to keep George from thinking a lot, he had promised Sapnap to join his stream. They had already played Minecraft for one hour, and it seemed like Sapnap wasn’t going to end it anytime soon. Meaning that George could escape his thoughts for once in a while. They had joked a lot, and their fans was so excited to hear about how they were doing after moving in together. They didn’t have a lot of stories to tell yet, but they promised that they would give them a lot of content during the year.

“Half a heart!” George screamed when the boys were running after him. He heard them laughing and giggling, and he tried to keep him from laughing to make the moment more ´serious´. He loved when he could joke around with his friends, and for some reason had missed streaming with them, even though they lived together. When Georges screen showed him that he had died, he zoned out. And he was once again thinking about Dreams kiss on his finger, and how the woman had spoken to them earlier. George was stuck in a moment where he tried to forget how the woman’s eyes was judging him, but he couldn’t. It had burned into his memories and he couldn’t make it disappear. He didn’t understand how she could speak to them like that, and even if George liked Dream, _which it didn’t,_ he found it weird that someone would judge someone like that.

“George?” Sapnap brought him into reality. George responded with a quick yes. “Someone donating asking about our sexuality.” He found it weird that someone would ask that, and the fact that Sapnap had chosen to even answer the question, but in his defense, he had text to speech on. It would have been weird if he just completely ignored the question.

“I guess I´m straight,” George answered, and eminently hitting his head with his palm. _Guess I´m straight, how stupid._ George, honestly, didn’t know what to answer, and the question burned in his throat. _He didn’t know._ George felt himself start to stress. _He found Dream so attractive, but that didn’t have to mean anything._

_Right?_

“You guess you are straight?” Dream mocked him, and George felt himself slowly falling of the chair. George didn’t answer, and he decided to try to recover from his mockery. Did he know that he was straight, or did he just guess that he was? George tried figuring it out, but how do you even figure it out, he thought. George felt his phone vibrate on his desk, and he saw that he had a message from Niki.

**Niki**

_“Was that what you wanted to talk about?”_

George opened his phone, and answered her.

**Niki**

_Was that what you wanted to talk about?_

_What do you mean?_

_You don’t know if you like women or men?_

_I don’t understand what you mean, Niki._

_You don’t know, do you?_

_I like woman._

_You “guess” that you are straight._

_George, what does that mean?_

_I just slipped_

_Do you like men George?_

George turned off his phone and threw it behind it, forcing it to fall on the bed. George quickly removed himself from the Discord call and left the game. He didn’t even tell them why, he just left. He felt another lump form in his throat, _the third time in a short period._ Once again, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. _He liked women, he did._ George tried to calm down, but he couldn’t. It felt as if he was standing in front of himself and he was punching himself. George rubbed his face and threw himself on the bed. He put his head in the pillow and screamed as loud as he could. He was frustrated, he was confused, he was sad, he didn’t know what he wasn’t. He just knew that he _didn’t know anything._ George tried finding his phone, and it took a long time considering that it was lost in the bedsheets. He opened Niki´s messages one more time and read through it. _Yes of course he liked women,_ George tried writing, but he didn’t press send. It felt like it was a lie. It didn’t feel like he meant it. _But he did, right?_ George bit his lip and tried typing another message. He was studying his message for a long time before sending it, but he managed to send it.

**Niki**

_How do I know?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! I´m so sorry that this was a biiiit late, I had an exam!
> 
> BUT THANK YOU FOR READING


	8. Label

It had been three days since George had talked to Niki, and he tried to ignore everyone around him. He even ignored Dream when he tried talking to him. Fairly, George felt bad for it, but he was so confused, and he didn’t know how to tell him that _he might actually like men._ George was the type of person to judge others, but he never said it out loud. Frankly, maybe all people are like that. Still, if he were to tell his friends that he might _like_ men, he was afraid that they wouldn’t take him seriously. And surly, _George wanted them to take him seriously_. The problem was George: didn’t know if he was gay or not. He had thought about it during the three days in total silence, but he honestly didn’t even know how he can figure it out. _How do you know who you like?_ When Niki asked him if he liked men and he asked how he could know; he really didn’t want an answer. He didn’t want to know how to know because he was scared. He was scared of loving someone people didn’t expect him to love. He was afraid that if he figured it out, people would be disappointed, annoyed, sad, irritated, and worst of all: not supportive. We live in a society where people are expected to like the opposite gender, and how do you know if you’re not one of the expectations? How do you know that you are not one of the “normal” ones? Is there even something “normal” when it comes to sexuality, George thought. George has always thought that he was straight. _He found girls pretty._ On the other hand, _he didn’t care about them._ Don’t get it wrong, George of course cared about his girl friends, but he didn’t know if he was interested in girls. _He was interested in them, wasn’t he? No. Well, yes. Maybe not._ George was staring at him computer and was watching as the time went by. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry, laugh or scream. He didn’t know if he wanted a hug or wanted to punch someone. He badly wanted to see Dream. He wanted to feel Dream again, to smile at him, to laugh with him. But the way Dream made George feel lately made him scared. So, what he George actually did like men, did that mean that he was interested in Dream? _No. No of course not George, he is your friend._ No, it was not like he was interested in Dream, surly not. How could he be? _They had been friends for years._ But how did Dream make him feel like that? And why? Did he like men, or did he like women? Does it even matter? Does it matter what label he goes by? Does it matter who he _fucking_ likes? The thought of a label had never, honestly, scared him before. But lately, after trying to understand, _he hated it. No,_ George thought, _he like women._

_Yes of course he likes women._

_YES! Of course, he does._

_Yeah, he likes women._

_Does he though?_

George placed his head on his desk and closed his eyes. The moment of Dream kissing his finger still didn’t leave his mind when he closed them, and he didn’t know if he wanted it there anymore. He didn’t know why it felt like hundreds of butterflies swarmed in his stomach thinking about how Dreams lips felt on his fingertip. When Niki had answered George about how he would know if he liked men or not, she had answered that no one but him could really know. No one but George could find out who he liked. No quiz could help him. _He had tried._ Nothing but his feelings could help him. But how does your feelings help you when they make you more confused? How can your feelings help you when they don’t tell you anything? How can your feelings help you when you have never felt this way before? _His feelings wont fucking tell him anything._ George sighed as he had his head on the desk, and he felt the carbon dioxide coming back into his lungs. Niki had also told him that one of the best ways to figure it out was to experiment. _Try doing something with a man, George._ George understood it, but how can he experiment something when all he can think about is his friend. _His fucking friend._ George had tried searching about how you know if you are straight or not, but it really didn’t help. As Niki said, _no one can know but George._ The boys had knocked on Georges door several times during these days, but he had never answered, he always pretended to be asleep. He was thinking about how ridicules it was that he was hiding in his room, and how he had turned off his phone to not interact with anyone. George couldn’t tweet, he couldn’t stream, and he only left his room when he really had too. Only to not see his friends. _His best friends._ He really avoided his best friends for something that made him stay up at night, and something that made him want to cry. George growled, he was so weak, and it was only his fault. _He made himself weak._

When George was slowly passing out, he felt two hands on his shoulder. He froze. He didn’t want to turn around. He hands removed his headphones and turned George around by his chair. George found Dream standing in front of him. His hair was messy, and it looked like he hadn’t slept for days. He bit his lip and watched George, who was very confused on how his friend had gotten access to his room. George felt himself being more weakened with Dream standing in front of him and he felt himself turn smaller and smaller.

“I had to get a fucking spare key to get in here,” Dream sounded annoyed, and he almost sounded angry. George felt his eyes shut up. _A spare key?_ George didn’t say anything, and he only lifted his shoulder. It felt as if George actually spoke, he would cry. Dream took his hand around Georges wrist and looked him straight in his eyes. George found it somehow scary, but at the same time comforting that Dream was in his room. “You haven’t answered us when we knocked, you haven’t answered my text messages, you haven’t answered our calls on discord, and you have barely left your room.” George still didn’t speak, and he was listening to his friend as he was annoyed by his attitude the last days. He removed his eyes from his friend, only to find Sapnap standing in the doorway. George closed his eyes, trying to not cry by the fact that they both stood in his room. George had to focus on his breath to not seem anxious that his friends were there. It was as Sapnap was standing there to make sure George wouldn’t escape them. As if he would run out his room and escape.

“You are making us really, really worried George,” Sapnap said, and his voice was the evidence that he meant it. _He was worried. Again._ Once again, George had made them worried. George wasn’t watching any of them, and he placed his eyes on the floor. They were expecting an answer and he didn’t know what to say. What can he say? Honestly, what is he supposed to tell his friends. That he, as a twenty-four-year-old, seriously have no idea what is going on? That he had no idea why he was like this? George forcefully turned his chair around, looking at his computer, knowing that Dream stood behind him. George placed his head in both of his hands and placed it on the desk. Hiding from his friends. What the hell was he supposed to do _? He can’t escape them anymore._

“You know that you can talk to us, right?” Sapnap added and George heard him coming closer, but he still didn’t move. He had buried himself in his arms and wanted to just disappear. He knew that his friends wouldn’t leave him alone until he at least had said anything.

“I have nothing to say,” George mumbled in his arms, and he didn’t know if his friends had heard him. But he heard them whispering to each other. George tried to not get affected by it, but he was. He wanted to know they was talking about. He wanted to know what they were saying about him. He heard his door close, and when he looked up, he didn’t spot Sapnap. Still, he felt Dreams appearance in the room.

“So,” Dream said, turning George around once again. This time, Georges eyes was red, and he could see Dream get worried by it. He placed one of his hands on Georges thigh, “I talked to Niki, or she called.” It felt like a cloud was around George, and that it was consuming him bit by bit. It felt as if George lost every part of himself by the cloud, but he still let it happen. He let it consume him. He didn’t know what Niki had told Dream. “She didn’t tell me what you had talked about,” Dream added.

“Okay, and?” George felt his voice crack, showing Dream that he was weak. Something he didn’t want to do.

“But she was worried about you for leaving mid-conversation, again,” Dream said, looking confused at George. George felt bad by the fact that he had left Niki on read and only a few days after leaving her mid-call. “George, do you want to talk about it?”

“There is n-“

“Don’t tell me there is nothing going on,” Dream placed his other hand on Georges face, forcing George to look into his eyes. George missed it, he missed studying Dreams eyes, but he felt weaker by it than he had ever done. He didn’t say anything, he once again lifted his shoulders. Dream tilted his head. “If you don’t want to talk about it, then fine. But I will not leave you alone until I know that you are better,” Dream added. George didn’t know what he meant, but he knew that he didn’t want Dream to _leave him_. George felt a tear slip from his eye, and he let it run down his cheek. He didn’t hide it this time. He let Dream see it, and Dream catched it with his hand. Dream was stroking his cheek, just as he did the morning they woke up together. George let himself cry, and he let more tears escape from his eyes. Dream catched them all by his hands, and he took his arms around George, moving him closer to him. He had his hands around George, and he was trapped in his arms. He was still crying. Forcing Dream´s shoulder to get wet. Dream had one hand in Georges hair, and one on his back, moving it up and down, trying to calm George down.

“I am so weak,” George cried and mumbled into his friend’s shoulder.

“You are not weak George,” Dream said, forcefully moving his friend closer. They were both standing up, and George felt Dreams entire body next to his. “Crying doesn’t mean that you are weak George, having some bad days doesn’t mean that you are weak.” Dream let go of his friend and they were watching each other’s face. George knew that he looked bad crying, but he didn’t care. He had let his friend see him weak already, and there was no going back from it.   
“I have no idea what is going on with you George, nor why you are sad. I guess you will tell me when you feel like it,” Dream took Georges hand, and let his fingers lock with Georges. “Still, your feelings are very valid George, and I will never leave your side. But please, let me help you,” Dream took Georges other hand and they once again locked fingers with each other. They was consumed by each other’s eyes.  
“Please George, don’t lock yourself away from me again _. I honestly can’t be without you_. Let me just, stay by you. Okay?”

“Okay Dream,” George answered, his voice was weak. _He didn’t want to be without Dream either._ He was thinking about how their hands was together, and he didn’t want to let Dream go. He just wanted Dream. George removed his hands from Dream and let himself be consumed in a hug again. He sighed and Dream placed both his hands in Georges hair. George loved every touch Dream gave him, and he wanted to stay there forever. Dream softly kissed Georges forehead and George closed his eyes to feel every sense of it. If George only moved his head up, he would kiss Dream. _But George didn’t know if he wanted that._ George placed his hands on Dream back and pushed him closer to himself so he could feel him all the way. Dream placed his head on Georges shoulder, and even though Dream was taller than George – it felt natural.

“Don’t shut me out again George, _I love you too much_ for that,” Dream mumbled into his shoulder, and George felt his voice through his entire body. Hearing Dream tell him that he loved him warmed George by his very heart. Georges veins was burning, and he wanted to push Dream closer, but it was impossible. _He was already so close. If only they could have been closer._

“I am so sorry Dream, I didn’t want to be a burden,”

“You would never be,”

_“I love you too Dream,”_ Dream said something in return, but George couldn’t hear it because he had placed his head on his shoulder again. It made George smile, the fact that he was buried in his shoulder made him so cute. George smelled Dreams hair and it smelled like apples. And for the first time in three total days, he felt calmer.

-

As Dream had promised, he didn’t leave George before he felt better, and he forced George to watch a movie. They were sitting in Georges bed, with his laptop on his lap. They had asked if Sapnap wanted to join, but he had something planned with Karl, so he declined. Something George was honestly, _without sounding rude,_ happy about. George was sitting between Dreams legs and Dream was relaxing his chin on his head. Dream had placed his arms around George, and sometimes he would press George slightly closer. Not only had Dream forced George to watch a movie, but he had also forced him to eat. Eating took a long time for George, and he really didn’t feel like eating. His thoughts had eaten his appetite, but he still ate. _For Dream._ Whenever George hadn’t eaten for a few minutes during their meal, Dream would watch him and say, “a little more George.” The fact that he cared made George soft, but it was also weird having to be half-feed when he was twenty-four. George didn’t quite know what movie they were watching, and he had let Dream choose for him. Still, hearing him comment on the movie made it hundreds time better. It was like one of their first day in the apartment. Having a moment like this with Dream was comforting for George, but at the same time he was thinking of how warm he made him. Dream placed one of his hands in Georges hair. _George loved when he placed it in his hair._ Dream started playing with Georges hair and he felt himself calming down more than he already was. _Oh, Dream had so much power over him._

“Dream?” George broke the silence the movie had put over them, and George paused the movie so Dream could pay attention to him. George felt his breath raising and he didn’t know if he should have asked what he was supposed to ask. George tried to calm down, thinking how he was going to put the words into his question.

“Yes George?” Dream sounded somehow worried, but George only thought it was because he was too focused on the movie before George paused it. George removed the laptop and sat higher up, removing himself from Dream. He didn’t turn around, mainly because he didn’t know if he wanted to look at Dream when he prepared himself to ask whatever he was going to ask. He had started to doubt if he should even have asked and if it was the right time. George placed his head in his hands, and he sighed. _Should he tell?_

George sighed. _He shouldn’t tell._ But he knew that he had already started. “So,” George was unbelievably unsure if he should tell him or not. “Honestly I have no idea what to tell you or _how,”_

“Try.” Dream put his hand on Georges face and turned it towards his.

“I-“ George was watching Dreams eyes and he felt his heart raising, “I don’t know if I am _completely_ straight Dream,” Dream didn’t remove his eyes from Georges, and he somehow didn’t look too surprised. Something that threw George a bit of, “Like don’t get me wrong, I don’t _know_ if I like women, maybe I do. I don’t know, I seriously don’t know. Sometimes I think that I do and then I think I don’t and then I do and yea-“

“ George, calm down,” George hadn’t realized that he had started stressing and his adrenaline made it seem like he wasn’t affected by anything he said. George hated the fact that he had said it to Dream, especially when he didn’t know if he liked men or not. “First of all, is that why you have been off lately?”

“Yes, or, I don’t know. _Probably,”_ George tried to turn his face away from Dream, but Dream turned it towards him again. “I don’t know it’s so confusing,”

“Then second of all, I am very glad that you told me,” Dream placed himself closer to George and placed his other hand on George face. He had one hand on each cheek, and George loved how he was safe in his hands – even though he was scared. “And third of all, _if you do not like women,_ that’s cool. I mean, it won´t change anything,”

“But I don’t _know_ Dream, I don’t even know why I told you, but I felt so consumed by it,”

“Understandable, anyway _George_. I will be here for you on your journey while you are figuring it out man,” Dream smiled at George, and George smiled back. He didn’t think Dream would take it so calmly. “Also, what if I help?”

“How can _you_ help me?”

_“We could kiss?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, can I tell you how much I love your comments? I didn’t know that someone would actually like this, so I am overwhelmed that you are reading :´) 
> 
> Anyway, it may seem very close to home for many when it comes to this subject. Know that you are never alone, and confusion is normal for a lot (A LOT) of people.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	9. Helper

“We could kiss?” Dream said, almost dishonest and his tone made George unsure of he really meant his request, or if he did it to be nice. Well, Dream was curtain of his sexuality. He told Sapnap´s stream a few days ago that he for sure liked women. So, if he liked women that badly and so surly, why did he tell George that they could kiss? How can you ask someone to kiss you if you are not even slightly interested in the person? George wanted to kiss Dream, his entire body was screaming for Dream and it felt as George had always wanted to kiss his friend. It felt as his long-lost dream was about to come true, _he was about to get that kiss._ The kiss he wanted and the kiss he craved so hard that it made him cry thinking of it. The kiss that had made him sleepless and restless. Dream was somehow right, kissing him might have helped, and who knows; maybe George would have known if he kissed Dream. Maybe his endless mission to finding his sexuality would have been done if he _just_ kissed Dream. The thing was, George wanted to kiss Dream, but as a man would be, he was terrified. Georges breath started getting heavier and he felt his blood spread in his entire body. He felt the blood move to every single millimeter in his veins. He didn’t know how to explain the feeling. It felt unreal, and at the same time it felt exhausting. A million thoughts went thought Georges head, and it felt like his brain would explode any second.

“What?” George understood what Dreams request was, but at the same time – he didn’t. Was it a kiss as a symbol of helping, or was it a kiss that Dream himself wanted? Surly not, George thought, Dream is doing this to help George. And George wanted Dreams help, but at the same time, _he didn’t._

“If we kiss, maybe it would help to understand if you are interested in men” Dreams voice was soft, and it sounded like he was trying in his entire body to not seem rude. He didn’t know where the line goes when it came to George. He tilted his head to watch George more closely, and to study his reaction. George didn’t give Dream the reaction the thought he would get. George was way to confused and way to uncertain to even progress it all. George was studying Dream, seeing his small freckles in his face. His mouth looked interesting and George badly wanted to taste them. _It wouldn’t hurt kissing one time._ But what if he wanted more? What if one kiss wasn’t enough for George. What if this kiss didn’t make anything easier, what if it only made it worse? He was already craving Dreams kiss, what if they kissed and he couldn’t get enough?

“Maybe, but what if I like it too much?” Dream looked George deeply in the eyes after Georges question. He looked soft, and he didn’t look like he was judging George.

“Like, you realize you like men?”

“Yes, that and-“ George took a huge breath, “What if I like kissing _you_ too much?” Dream shut up his eyes and was consumed by Georges question. It was like Dream hadn’t even thought about the fact that George actually may like it, and that it was not only a simple kiss for George. Because honestly, George thought that he might like the kiss more than he should. Dream had been making him feel insane, safe, crazy, happy and frustrated lately. _What if that wasn’t `friendship`?_ Dream placed his hands on Georges face and continued to look into his eyes.   
“You are afraid that you would like kissing me?” Dream pushed Georges face closer with his hands, and they only had a few millimeters distance between their lips. Dreams voice was almost sensual, and George felt himself melting and screaming for Dream. _Yes Dream, he was afraid._ “You are afraid that you can´t get enough of me?” Dream teased while pushing George a tiny bit closer, and George had to concentrate to not place his lips on Dreams. He could almost feel Dreams lips on his. George wanted to push himself away, but at the same time, he wanted to close his eyes and kiss him. _He wanted him._ _So terrible._ George gulped and rolled his eyes at Dream, but Dream was too interested in Georges lips too. He was watching them. George felt Dreams breath on his lips, and he placed one of his hand on Dreams cheek.

_“Do you want to kiss me, George?”_

_“Do you want to kiss me, Dream?”_ Did Dream want to kiss George?

“Maybe I do George,” Dream mumbled and locked eyes with George. _No, Dream didn´t want to kiss George._

“What about your í ‘I for sure like women’”? George mocked.

“Well,” Dream removed his hands from Georges face and placed himself closer to him, placing one hand behind his back and pushed their chest together. George placed his hand on Dreams chest to give them some air. Dream placed his other hand in George hair, and it made George gasp. It felt so wrong, but at the same time it felt so right. Georges eyes studied Dreams lips, and they looked soft, almost like a pillow. _Oh, just kiss him George._ Both their breaths became heavier, more interesting and they both screamed that they wanted to taste each other. Or that’s what George at least wanted, and he hoped Dream was thinking the same thing. “You are _different.”_

“Meaning what?” George asked, still looking at his lips, knowing that Dream was watching his eyes.

_“Meaning that I want to kiss you.”_ George didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know if he should kiss his friend or remove himself from Dream. He knew that he wanted him so badly, but he didn’t know if Dream was joking. Did he actually want to kiss him? Why? Seriously, did he actually want to kiss George?

“You want to k-“ Dream pressed his lips against George, forcing George to stop mid-sentence. George had to focus to catch his breath and he felt his eyes close with the feeling of Dreams lips against his. Dream kissed George had never kissed him before, like no girl had kissed him and he kissed him in a way George had never thought he would experience. Soft, moist, wanted and _hot._ It felt like Georges heart exploded, and his mouth formed the best flavors he had ever tasted. The heat rose in Georges cheeks as their tip of the tongue quickly touched, but they both removed it. Trying to not make the kiss more intense than it already was. _George should stop it._ But he didn’t want to, he wanted to keep kissing Dream as it was his last kiss he would ever experience. They removed themselves from the kiss by a few milliseconds, but George brushed his lips against Dreams again. Softly, delicately against his lips and Dream let him. He didn’t remove himself from it. Butterflies wings swarmed in Georges stomach. He felt Dreams warmth on his skin, and he placed his hand deeper in his face. The kiss felt like snow on Christmas morning, or as the rain you longed after a long and warm summer. The kiss was a sensation and feeling George had never felt. Dream was softly rubbing his hand in Georges hair and George could feel Dreams smell when they moved even closer. It felt like Georges heart was beating a million times faster than it should had. Georges mind was screaming, and it felt like it would explode any second. They had to force air into their lungs when they had the chance, but they didn’t want to break the kiss. Soft noises slipped out of their mouth as they continued to taste each other. The kiss shouldn’t have been this long, nor so wanted at it was – but George couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help feeling the way the kiss made him feel and he knew that he didn’t want it to end. Dream placed his hands on Georges back, pulling him closer to him – forcing George to change position of his hands. _Did Dream enjoy it as much as George did?_

Suddenly, Dream pulled away. He placed his head in his hands and sighed, “I´m sorry I shouldn’t have done that,” Dream said in his palms. George was confused, and almost angry. How could he kiss him so passional and then tell him that he shouldn’t have done it?

“What?”

“I-“ Dream looked up at George and they once again locked eyes, “I don’t know,”

“You don’t know what?” George took one of Dreams hands and placed it in his. “Wait, I´m sorry. You didn’t like it?”

“It´s not that I didn’t like it,” Dream removed eye contact away from George, “It´s the fact that I did.” George tried to say something, but he was stuck in the fact that Dream did like the kiss, but then seemed weird about it. “I kissed you to help you, not to enjoy it myself.” Dream removed himself from the bed.

“You were the one that kissed me.” George said, almost annoyingly – but honestly, he was hurt.

“To help you figure it all out George!” Dream sounded frustrated and George felt himself turn smaller when he “almost-yelled”.

“You told me you wanted to kiss **_me_** , Dream,” George tried to stay calmed, but he found himself so confused and he wanted to just jump out of the window and disappear. Dream didn’t answer, he just looked at George – almost defeated. “If you hated the thought so much then why the fuck would you kiss me after I told you I was afraid? That’s the shittiest thing you could have done,” George crossed his hands and stood up from the bed. He moved closer to Dream and they once again, stood close. Dream was studying George and he looked like he was about to say something, but he didn’t. It made George even more frustrated. Dreams eyes was unreadable, but he looked stressed or afraid. But George struggled to understand. “And now you decide to shut up, what the fuck Dream?”

“I don’t know what to say, George. You are my _friend,_ and I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Leave me alone.” George said, pushing Dream to the door, “I never fucking told you that you were anything else than a fucking friend but _you_ kissed _me_ , not the other way around.” Dream was about to say something, but he didn’t – he just left the room. George closed his door and looked into his room. The kiss was the most desirable thing George had ever felt and what Dream said made him so hurt that he wanted to just scream. _Dream kissed George, not the other way around._ George groaned and threw a random T-shirt he had on the floor into the wall. The kiss was a kiss George had always wanted and know it made George even more confused. _He liked it. He enjoyed it. He desired it. He wanted it._ George sighed and placed himself at the floor next to the bed, looking at his door – hoping that Dream might return, but he didn’t. George was the one that threw him out and why would he even come back? George took his phone up and scrolled threw it, but he couldn’t focus. He needed help. He couldn’t be alone. It felt like he was panicking, and he just wanted to run into a wall. George took up his phone to text Niki. Who else could have helped? He couldn’t talk to Dream about it, and he for sure couldn’t tell Sapnap. He didn’t know how Sapnap would even react, but George imagining how he would react if his best friends had kissed.

**Niki**

_I need your help._

_Call me._

Georges took a deep breath while he was listening to the call sound form in his ear.

“Whats going on?” Niki´s soft voice filled the room and George felt himself safer by it. His panic wasn’t gone, but the safeness from Niki made him at least calmer.

“Me and Dream kissed,”

“You and Dream what?” She was confused, and of course she was.

“I told Dream that I was confused, and he kissed me,” George explained the whole situation to Niki, and he felt the frustration growing in his entire body. He was frustrated in his voice, but Niki didn’t mind. She never did. She was the best listener in Georges life, and it wasn’t the first time George had called her when he was in trouble. “Then he told me that he only did it to help me or whatever,” George waited for a respond, but it sounded like Niki had to progress it all. George continued to look at the door, still hoping that Dream would come in and say sorry. Or maybe he wanted him to kiss him like that again.

“I don’t know about the helping part honestly, as you explained, it seemed genuine from both parts,” Niki took a long break, “Are you sure that he is certain of who he likes?” George stopped, and he was. He was sure. Dream told Sapnap that he liked women. But he also told George that he was different.

“Yes, well yes I think so he told me so that he likes women. Or he didn’t tell me, I don’t know. Probably yes,” George answered, confused.

“Well, maybe not? Anyway George, what did you feel?”

A lump formed in Georges throat and he thought about it. Maybe the kiss did help, at the same time it made him more confused. George had never felt like that, and he had kissed women. So why did it feel so different to what he was used too? Why was there so many butterflies even thinking of the kiss and how much he wanted another. George knew that it was hard to swallow, but maybe he liked men. Or maybe he didn’t, _maybe he just liked the kiss Dream gave him._ George looked at the roof and he felt his head start to hurt. George had to admit it. George couldn’t lie to himself anymore and he knew that. He knew that he couldn’t continue telling himself lies when he already knew the truth. He looked down at the phone, and he knew Niki was waiting for a response, but he also knew that she was patient when it came to George. Especially when George was struggling between two answers.

“Maybe I like men Niki,» George whispered, not knowing why he did – but it felt more natural. Almost like it was a crime admitting what he was feeling, and that someone would jump him if he told her to loudly.

“I think you might, and I know it seems to suck, and that the entire world is against you but they aren’t,” George breath got slower, and it somehow felt like his weight on his shoulders just fell off. It didn’t feel wrong telling Niki, he didn’t regret it. And most importantly, it felt right.

He just had to deal with him and Dream later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading, I love your support so much!
> 
> Since I am home for Christmas, my upload will be random buut I will try not to take too long!


	10. Next time

George woke up in cold sweat – it had been two days since they had kissed and Dream decided to go to some friends, leaving George and Sapnap alone. Dream didn’t really talk to George, but in his defense, George didn’t really try his hardest to get Dreams attention. Not that he didn’t want the attention, it was just the fact that he couldn’t forget how he had reacted after their kiss. George had thought a lot about the kiss, as any man would do after kissing their best friend of years. Still, it didn’t feel like two friends kissing. It felt like two people that had craved a kiss finally got it. George hadn’t really texted or tweeted with Dream either – not that he used to do it, but it also felt weird not having Dream in the apartment. George knew that it was a moment they should have discussed, but he chose to let Dream handle it on his own. George was still interested in what Dream was doing, and he was watching his tweets. Laughing about them and wishing that he could respond. Wishing that they could react. George was afraid that they had ruined their friendship and that the kiss was the worst thing they could have ever done. At the same time, it felt like it was the best decision they could have done. But being between two answers was almost a new normal for George. Sitting there not knowing what to say, how he feels, what he wants is something George had felt for days. Don’t get him wrong, he badly wanted to text Dream and tell him how he feels and ask Dream if he was okay. And maybe he should have done it. Maybe he should have gone to his room after the kiss, and maybe he should have told him how much it meant to him. He shouldn’t have let Dream go, he should have stopped him in the hallway, saying how much he wanted him to stay. How much he wanted to talk to him, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t even say goodbye. He let him go. _How stupid of him._ George came out to Niki, telling her how he thought he might like men and they had texted about it for hours. The next problem for George, was telling his friends that he figured it out. That the person they had known for years would come out and tell them that he likes men. First, he felt disgusting by it. Not because he found the same-gender-love disgusting, but it was the fact that he had been living a lie for years. In his defense, he didn’t really know. Well, there was something in him that told him that he always knew, but he tried to convince himself that he was wrong for years. Something Niki told him was completely normal. “Sexuality is fluid” she said, and people can find themselves experience change in sexual orientation at every age. Meaning that George wasn’t different or unnormal – he was normal. Well, full honestly, the word “normal” really has no meaning. _Who is there to choose what is normal anyway?_ Coming out is something George never thought he had to do, and he honestly didn’t want to. _He didn’t want to come out._ Well, he did. But he didn’t. How do you even come out? Who do you start with? Should he tell his mother first, his friends, who? He had tried researching it, and he had spent hours reading “coming-out-stories” and frankly, they made him cry. They didn’t make him cry because they were sad, but they was beautiful. They were full of change, love and support. And even the stories that wasn’t so beautiful had some beauty. He found it beautiful that people found themselves. _Truthfully, loving yourself in your skin is the most beautiful outfit you can wear._ But what if Georges story wouldn’t be good? What if they wouldn’t be there for him. He knew that Dream would, _based on the fact that they kissed._ But what about everyone else? What if they didn’t? Then what would he do? George sobbed and looked at his computer, he had been playing games for hours while trying to hide his feelings and thoughts. George checked his phone, seeing that Sapnap had tweeted how he missed Dream. Which he did, because Sapnap had rubbed it in during breakfast.

_@GeorgeNootFound: same this is so sad :(_

George didn’t really know why he would respond to the tweet, and he was regretted it, but he knew that people already had evidence that he tweeted – so he decided to keep it there. Hoping that Dream would respond. Hoping that he´s tweet would ease the energy around them after their kiss. Hoping that Dream would pay attention to George. _Hoping that Dream missed George back._ George let his finger slide up hundreds of times to refresh the tweet, waiting for a respond. Waiting for Dream. George felt tense, and he wished he had never tweeted – but it had already been six minutes, and it would be embarrassing if he removed it. George couldn’t leave his phone alone. He was constantly looking at it. _Why won´t he respond?_ What if he ignored George? What if he didn’t miss him back? What if he pretended to not see his tweet? _Maybe he don’t even have notifications on for George._ Doesn’t he care? Georges thoughts ate him up from the inside, and it felt like he was choking on his own thoughts. When he saw Dream responding to Sapnap, but not him, he found himself hopeless. And roughly worthless. As if Dream did it to haunt George. _To ignore George. To hurt George._ He didn’t know if Dream chose to not see the tweet, or if he didn’t. Either way – it was painful. It felt as when people forget to invite you somewhere and then say: “but you could have come if you wanted to,” the next day. It felt like when you hear your friends talking about something you don’t know about.

_Hopeless, worthless and ignored._

George rubbed his hand in his hair as he closed his phone, looking at the dark screen. His face flashed back at him, and as he thought, he looked rough. As if someone had punched him in the guts a few minutes earlier. George shook his head, and kept thinking about how stupid he was. His respond to Sapnap was constantly consisting of new tweets about how he was ignored by Dream. Joking about it. _Like it was something to joke about._ Thinking it didn’t move George, that he didn’t care. But he did. He cared. More than he would like to admit. Being ignored by Dream wasn’t something he was used too. He was used to attention. Realizing how bad it felt that he didn’t respond, made George feel stupid. Stupid about how he had taken his attention for granted. Stupid about how he had never told Dream how much he loved his attention. How much he wanted Dreams attention at every single second. _How much he craved it._ George kept looking back at where they had sat when they kissed. Thinking about every detail about it:

_The hands, his lips, the closure, his chest, his small sounds escaping his mouth._

Everything.

And how much he wanted it again.

Why did Dream back out?

_Just one more kiss._

_Please._

George didn’t want to change bedsheets after their kiss, he wanted to keep the moment. He wanted it to stay. Like an imprint. That is all Dream had left, an imprint on Georges bed. And George was afraid that he would never leave another. That their first kiss was their last. That he would never know the taste of his lips and he would never feel their chest against each other’s. If he washed it and changed the bed – the imprint would wash away with it. And maybe – the memory too. George didn’t want to risk it.

Not now. Not yet.

George sat down where he had sat when Dream kissed him. Taking it all in. _Why won´t you respond Dream?_ He once again checked his tweet. Still no answer. But Dream was online. Active.

_Active and ignoring George._

George wanted to scream his lungs out, but he didn’t let any sound out. His scream was silent and painful. Still, non-existent. The pain had taken over his throat and the scream didn’t escape. It didn’t leave his body. It crawled inside him, leaving emotional scars inside. No one could see them, but he knew it was there. George had spent another four minutes refreshing the tweet until he officially gave up. He threw the phone on his bed, forcing it to disappear in the sheets and the memory from two days ago. He looked at it, wishing it would light up from the sheets. But it didn’t. No sound. Nothing. No Dream. George had to admit it, Dream wouldn’t respond. He didn’t care. _He couldn’t care less about George._

George went to the living room, seeing Sapnap sitting in the sofa with legs crossed. He was scrolling through his phone, and George sat down next to him. Studying his messy dark hair as he was drowning in his bubble of social media. They didn’t say anything, but it was only because Sapnap hadn’t realized him yet. George wanted to talk to him. He wanted to tell him how he felt, and how furious it made him when Dream was ignoring him. George watched the air for minutes, wanting to know if Dream had answered him – but at the same time he knew that he hadn’t. He knew that he had ruined their friendship when they kissed. He should never have done it.

_Why was he so stupid for letting Dream kiss him?_

Why had he even told Dream that he didn’t think he liked women?   
George had no one to blame but himself, and he hated himself for it. He couldn’t blame Dream for wanting to help him, because how do you even react when your friend tell you news like that? Maybe Dream was just unsure of what to say so he thought a kiss would make it easier, and would make it less awkward. Maybe Dream only kissed him because he was sick of listening to George. Maybe he didn’t even like the kiss. Maybe he lied. But it didn’t matter, because it was all Georges fault. He should have put Dream in a situation like that, he thought. When George let out a huge sigh, Sapnap had finally realized that George was sitting next to him.

“Oh George,” Sapnap said, laughing by the fact that he hadn’t seen him earlier.

“Oh Sapnap,” George mimicked.

“Bad day?” Sapnap removed his phone and put it on the table.

“As any other day,” George gave a fake smile to Sapnap, but he was calm.

“Dream?” George was confused on why he would ask if Dream had something to do with it. There was no way he could have known. George hadn’t even told Sapnap about their kiss. He hadn’t even told him that he may not even like women. Suddenly, George felt bad. Bad for not talking to Sapnap. They had been friends for years, and he didn’t even tell him about his struggles. He trusted him, but he still didn’t tell him. He knew that he should have. He was afraid that he felt left out. That the darkness George had felt, pushed him away. George tilted his head, showing Sapnap that he was confused on how he could suggest that it had something to do with Dream. “I just assumed, since you tweeted that you missed him,”

“He didn’t answer,” George sighed, “He didn’t care,”

“Maybe he didn’t see them?” Sapnap reassured, placing one hand on Georges shoulder to give him comfort. “It doesn’t matter anyway, you know he missed you too,” he let out a soft smile, looking at George. His eyes was soft.

“But we left on a bad note,” George said, feeling his voice crack and feeling his hands shake, “We didn’t even say goodbye.”

“On a bad note?”

George couldn’t hold it in.

He told him.

George told him about the kiss, about how they left it, and about how he had felt lately. He told him about his sexuality. He told him about the huge dark cloud over him, that was constantly dragging him down and how it had locked him in his room for days. He told him that he had cried after Dream joked about the kiss, and how he had stared into his computer screen for days. He told him about why he called Niki at the bar, and that he texted her about his feelings. And he told him how he felt bad for not telling Sapnap earlier. He had poured his entire soul into the conversation, and Sapnap didn’t say anything, he just listened.

But when George was done, Sapnap hugged George hard – wrapping his arms around him and tightened his grip.

And they had stayed like that for minutes.

In each other’s arms.

Silent.

“Thank you for telling me,” Sapnap had mumbled in their hug. But they didn’t say anything else. But they didn’t need too. George felt relieved that he told him. It felt once again, like he was lighter. That he lost weight and that he could finally breathe a bit. George didn’t cry, and he didn’t feel like crying. Still, he felt numb. Numb by everything. Numb by how much he missed Dream. Numb by the fact that he told Sapnap.   
Still, he felt better.

“I´m glad you don’t like women honestly,” Sapnap said when they broke their hug. They were calm, and Sapnap had a jokey tone.

“How come?”

“Now you won´t steal them from me,” Sapnap laughed, and George joined. It was a long time since George had a good laugh, and he was relieved that he could finally feel his muscles in his stomach work again. George hit Sapnap in the arm, and rolled his eyes. George had to prepare himself from more jokes from Sapnap, but honestly, he didn’t mind it. It didn’t make the whole “I-like-men” thing seem so serious. It made it seem more acceptable. Knowing that Sapnap could joke about it meant that he accepted George. It was his way of telling someone he cared – by joking. Which George really needed in this moment.

“Whatever,”

-

George had decided to stream for the first time in a very long time after telling Sapnap. He finally felt like he had the energy to stream. It felt like he was flying when he streamed. It was like the support he got washed away his thoughts and he lived himself in them. All the donations and comments made it seem like there was nothing wrong in his life. He was surrounded by love, and he had missed it. He had missed it so much. He was having some speed runs, trying to beat his record. But he found himself struggling. Still, it didn’t really matter. He was calm. George was watching his character run around, looking for a lava pit, but found the seed hopelessly. So, he tried again, and again and then one more time. Until he gave up and decided to end the stream. He had streamed for almost two hours when he ended, so it wasn’t like he ended it unexpectedly.

When George laid down at the bed, he remembered his phone. He had forgotten about it for hours. He was too afraid that Dream still hadn’t answered his tweet, and trying to turn on the phone was almost a physical challenge for him. But he still did.

And his heart stopped when he saw it.

It wasn’t a respond.

It was a text from Dream.

He felt his heart pound in his chest, and he hadn’t even read the text, but he felt like he wanted to puke. Like he was about to be hit by a train but at the same time it felt like he had never felt more relieved.

**Dream**

_Missing me, George?_

George felt his heart pound even faster, and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. Why didn’t Dream respond to his tweet, but he texted him?

**George**

_Was it that obvious?_

George didn’t understand why he would respond with something like that, but in his defense, he missed Dream like crazy.

And it had only been two days.

**Dream**

_Since you tweeted about it._

_Sounds like something a simp would do._

_Still, cute :)_

George rolled his eyes. _Something a simp would do._

**George**

_Very funny Dream_

**Dream**

_You miss me or miss kissing me?_

Too soon Dream, too soon. George missed both. Still, his thoughts about how they left the kiss ruined him, and he knew that Dream was only joking about it. Probably to ease the awkwardness around the situation.

**George**

_I won´t tell._

**Dream**

_Ooooh ;)_

_Also, sorry about being a dick._

_I shouldn’t have left like that._

Dream wasn’t a dick, George thought.

**George**

_You weren’t._

_It´s okay._

_I shouldn’t have made you feel like you had to kiss me_

**Dream**

_You didn’t._

_I promise._

_I wanted to kiss you._

George felt his eyes shup up. _Wanted to kiss him._ Dream wanted to kiss George. But was that a lie?

**George**

_Then why did you stop?_

**Dream**

_Overwhelming I think._

_I won´t stop next time._

George turned off his phone, not because he didn’t want to talk to Dream, but because of the text. Georges thoughts was running. Does that mean that they will kiss another time? Did Dream joke? Was this all a sick joke played by Dream to make George feel like this?

_No, he didn’t want to kiss George again._

_Why would he?_

George couldn’t concentrate.

_He won´t stop next time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I thought we needed some Sapnap and George :)


	11. Dust

When Dream had arrived at the apartment, they hadn’t talked. He was only gone for three days, but it felt like forever. Still, they didn’t talk.

Well, he had only been home for about twelve hours and twenty-six minutes. _Not that George was counting._

_Between us: he was._

He was counting the time they didn’t speak, and he was getting more frustrated the longer it went. He was counting the time since their kiss. Since their last words. All he saw was numbers. He found it unexpectedly that he cared so much about it. That he cared to count. That wasn’t the worst part of it all, the worst part was that he badly wanted the numbers to reach zero. He wanted them to talk. That he would tell George about the trip with his friends. And that they would talk about the kiss. _And maybe they would have another._

It didn’t really matter what kind of interaction they would have together, George just wanted something. He wanted some kind of attention from Dream. It was confusing how much attention he craved from him, but he couldn’t lie to himself anymore.

He truly and badly wanted Dream.

He wanted to talk to him, feel him, touch him, laugh with him.

Everything including human affection.

It didn’t make it easier hearing Sapnap and Dream talking in the kitchen or the living room when George left his room. It was almost like they planned to keep George out if it all. That he was just a toy that had been forgotten and was rusting under the bed. Someone they didn’t care about. Even after George had talked to Sapnap, it still felt like the entire world was against him. That he lied about caring. That the hug was fake.

Maybe they were laughing about it. About Georges feelings.

Maybe they had planned it all. Dream planned the kiss, and that Sapnap knew.

_It was all fake._

Or that was at least what George thought.

Not that George was truly excepting another kiss from Dream, but he still couldn’t forget about what Dream had texted. _He won´t stop next time._   
But of course, he can´t stop next time when next time won’t arrive. When there isn’t even a next time.

You can´t stop something you haven’t even started.

George tried to escape him thoughts, but they had started to take control of him. It was like he didn’t control himself, and what George wanted didn’t even matter anymore. He was a robot being controlled by his dark, sad thoughts. Still, he let it. He let them consume him. He didn’t have energy to fight against it.

Or, to use a better phrase: he didn’t know if it was worth fighting against his thoughts. Was it worth fighting for something that was uncertain? No hero would fight for something that wasn’t worth it. Fight for something that people didn’t care about. Not that no one cared for George, but honestly, that was what he made himself believe. It might be dark or sound overdramatic. It may sound like he was desperate for attention. But human emotion is an endless quest. It is like a hardcore minigame where you can never reach the end, so you give up in the middle of it and never play again. Then after a while, you forget about it, and no one cares.

No one wants to listen to you talk about the same hard minigame over and over again. So why would someone want to listen to George?

Still, no dark thoughts could rip George away from Dream.

Nothing could make him not want Dream. Even if he didn’t want him back.

George didn’t have feelings for Dream, _of course not._ He just loved him. As a friend. _A friend that he had kissed once._

George was laying on his bed, watching the roof, studying the air. Studying the nothingness that his room had to offer. Studying the small dust flying around the room. Only a small amount of sunlight escaped through his curtains, and George placed his hand in it. Watching it light up. It was as if the sunlight lit up his fingertip where Dream had kissed him. That Dream had left a scar that was visible, but only to George. When he thought about it, he still remembered it. Remembered the soft lips on it. But once he thought of it, his thoughts went to their kiss, and he had to shake his thoughts of.

He wanted to think about it. But at the same time, he didn’t.

He didn’t want to be reminded of how happy the kiss had made him, and how the happiness had been ripped apart when he watched him leave the room. He didn’t want to be reminded of how much he enjoyed the kiss, only for him to understand that he would never be kissed like that again.

_Maybe Dream was the only person in the entire world that could kiss George how he wanted to be kissed._ And George hated that. He hated that his best friend was the only one that formed butterflies in his stomach, and that his best friend was the only one that could move him like he did. Dream was the only one that could make George laugh right after crying. The only person that could calm him down with one touch.

Then what do you do, when you realize that you can´t be without someone, but they don’t feel the same way? How can you recover from that?

After George had studied all the dust flying in his room, he decided that he had to leave. He didn’t want to, but when you start counting dusk in your room, you will slowly start becoming crazy.

It felt like the doorhandle was far away when he tried reaching for it, almost like his body was fighting against him. That his body wanted him to stay. But he managed to get out. He managed to keep control of it.

And before George realized it, he was about to do something really dumb.

Or maybe not.

But he didn’t understand what he had done until he realized that he stood in front of Dreams door, knocking on it. His mind had been running so much that he knocked before he managed to understand it. Almost like a reflex. His body did it before he wanted to do it himself. And now there was nowhere to leave.

He had to figure out what he was going to say once Dream opened the door. He didn’t plan it. Hell, he didn’t even know why he knocked. He was too caught up with his thoughts on Dream that it somehow seemed natural to knock. _But it was so stupid._

_What would he say?_

Once Dream opened the door, George couldn’t get any words out. They was watching each other, and it seemed like Dream was annoyed. But maybe it was all in Georges head. George wanted to speak, but the words was stuck on his tongue and they didn’t want to escape. Not that George knew what he wanted to say, but standing in front of Dream without saying anything made him seem like the biggest idiot. That he had interrupted whatever Dream was doing, and he did not have a good excuse. He should have planned it beforehand, but then again, he didn’t think he would ever knock.

But he did.

And now that Dream was standing in front of him, George understood why he had missed him. He had rough hair and dark circles under his eyes. It looked like he hadn’t slept for days, and that he was living on “spare energy”. He wore a green hoodie, matching his internet personality, and he wore sweatpants. _Gray sweatpants._ It was not a bad look on Dream, looking all exhausted and worn up, and it looked almost intimidating. In a good way. He was good-looking, but at the same time it looked like he could kill you with his bare hands if he wanted to. That the smallest thing could push him over the edge, and he would cuss you out.

Still, the look made Dream somewhat hot. Or George didn’t know if that was the right word to use, but it was constantly on his mind while he was watching Dream. _No George didn’t find him hot. Maybe he did. He didn’t._

_Oh, whatever._

George spotted Dream studying him, but George knew that it wasn’t much to study at all. He looked even rougher than Dream. George also knew that he didn’t look remotely close to as good as Dream was. But there was no point in comparing himself to Dream. Because George knew that Dream didn’t even have to try to look good. He just did. He could have run a mile, and he wouldn’t look bad. _There was nothing that could make him look bad._

“Did you want anything?” Dream voice was soft, and George realized that he had missed it. _Missed his voice._

“U-uhm, not really. I don´t know why I knocked,” George itched himself at the back of his head. “I guess I just wanted to see you.” George felt the blood flowing in his cheeks, and he knew that he turned red. But it wasn’t a lie. He wanted to see Dream.

“You wanted to see me?” Dreams voice was teasing, and he leant against the door frame, placing his hands together. He was looking George in the eyes. Studying them. George had almost gotten used to looking into his eyes, but he didn’t want those moments to end.

“Well, yes,” George answered, “I missed you,”

When George said that he missed Dream, he heard that he was softer than he should have been. It was like he had to be careful on what he was saying. Dream had a soft smile on his lips. The smile forced more blood to stream to his cheeks. _It felt like they were going to explode._

“ _George_ missed me,” Dream placed one hand on Georges cheek, and softly stroking it. There was no way that George could get any shyer. He felt uncomfortable being this shy and he had to focus to not melt where he stood in front of Dream.

“I told you I missed you so it shouldn’t have been a surprise,” George tried to row himself into land, but he was struggling.

“Well, I like hearing you say it _way_ more.” One thing Dream was good at was rubbing things in. _He like hearing him say it more._ George rolled his eyes at Dream, causing Dream to start laughing. “Fine, I missed you too.” He was happy that he admitted that he missed him as well, and that he wasn’t being stupid for missing Dream. Still, it sounded as Dream was teasing.

“ _Oh you did?_ You _missed_ me or _kissing_ me?” George was referring to Dreams text, and Dream seemed to realize it. His smiled turned bigger and he giggled. It was a surprise to George that he had the courage to talk to Dream like that, but in a way, he was proud of himself.   
“Using _my_ phrase against _me_?” Dream seemed confident in his way of speaking, “Didn’t know you had it in you George,”

“You still didn’t answer me,”   
“You didn’t answer me when I asked, so why I should answer you?” Dream leant closer to George, placing one hand at George waist. It made him flinch, but he tried to make it unnoticeable. They were looking in each other’s eyes, once again being consumed by them. George was always wondering what Dream was thinking when they looked at each other like that. Did Dream care about Georges eyes as much as he did? Did he drown in them like George did?

“Because I want to know,”

“You want to know if _I_ want to kiss you?” When they both moved closer, they could feel each other’s breath against their lips. This was a moment George had missed. A moment he thought he would never get back and a moment he would pay to get. Feeling the warm breath against his lips. The warm breath made Georges lips even wetter, and hopefully even more wanted. George nodded, he tried not to move his head too much. He was afraid to ruin it. Ruin the placement of their heads and lips. It was like he was afraid to move.

“I want to know if you lied,” George said, hoping Dream would understand what he meant.

But he didn’t.

Well, maybe he did, but he pretended to not.

“Lied about what?” Dream placed one hand behind Georges head, putting it through his hair. He had every power. If he wanted to, he could push George closer and they would feel their lips again. George didn’t have that power with his badly, embarrassing hand placement.

“Lied about you not stopping kissing me,” George moved his head a tiny bit upwards, so their lips had the perfect angle to reach each other. Since Dream was a bit taller, he had to tilt his head upwards so their lips could meet. But they didn’t meet, but they were close. George liked the tension of their “almost-kisses”. His butterflied was swarming in his stomach and it felt like they would fly out of his mouth.

“Should we test it then?” Dream said while grabbing George hair, burying it further in. His voice was confident and soft. _The best combination._ “Test if I lied or not?”

“Yes,” George begged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Marry Christmas to everyone!! I will try posting during Christmas time, but you all know how those times are!
> 
> Thanks for everyones support!


	12. Ruined

As George and Dream were standing in front of each other, feelings their breath, George felt a form of helplessness that he had never felt before. It felt like he needed help and Dream was the only person that could help him. The only person that could put him out of his misery, and as of right now, his misery was how badly he wanted to kiss Dream. How badly he wanted to feel the lips on his, feeling the wetness from his lips. He wanted them to kiss so hard that their lips became one. That it felt like they were each other. That his lips were not meant for anyone else than George. The last time they kissed, it felt as if two puzzle pieces were placed together.

The perfect fit. 

Two best friends of years had ironically lips that fit together more than peanut butter and jelly. George didn’t know if he was lucky or misfortune by the fact that his lips fitted with his friend. As if they were meant to kiss. As if they were meant to push their lips against each other. Maybe they were meant to brush their lips together. Taste each other. Feel each other. But how can two best friends have such affection when they are meant to be friends? Why would two best friends have lips that fit together, when friends were all they were?

George wondered if Dream felt the same way. He wondered if the same thoughts went through Dreams head when they were standing in front of each other. Did he want to kiss George as much as he wanted to be kissed? Did Dream feel the perfection of how their lips were together? Did his stomach form butterflies? Did his heartbeat as fast as George's heart did? Did he struggle to breathe as much as George did?

_He probably didn’t._

He probably didn’t feel the same way. 

Before George could pull himself back to the real world, Dream placed his arms around him, causing George to remove himself from his thoughts. His arms were firm and hard and George felt his touch through his entire body. It felt like Dream touched every nerve George had, and that they screamed for more. Screaming for Dream to place his hands on George's entire body. Screaming for Dream to feel every inch of George. As if his touch forced his nerve system to react in a way he had never felt. A feeling of desperation and affection he had never felt. 

_He was desperate for Dream._

_And George had started to realize that._

George had never felt this rush in his body, and he had never felt his blood pumping the way it was when he stood in front of Dream. He felt his blood flowing, he felt his heart pumping and his pulse beating. He had never felt this safe, but at the same time, he felt unsafe. As if he knew that Dream would save him from endless enemies, but at the same time – Dream was his biggest enemy. He knew that Dream could move him and form him in a way no one else could. 

_And that made him afraid._

_Afraid of feeling too much._

If there was one person that could hurt George, it would be Dream. George cared about what he thought of him, he cared about his opinions. He cared about his thoughts and passions. He cared about everything that caused some sort of feeling for Dream. 

The only thing George wanted was for Dream to like what he had to offer. That he was as desperate for George as he was. What if George wasn’t enough for Dream? What if he was? 

“Stop doing this to me,” George whispered while watching Dreams movements.

“What am I doing to you, _George?_ ” Dream placed one hand on George's chin, pulling his head up so their eyes could meet. They were so close that it was almost impossible to not feel their skin against theirs, and they felt each other’s warmth. 

“You make my entire body scream for you,” 

“Scream for me? Am I hurting you?” Dream asked, placing his other hand on George's back, forcing their chest to meet. George placed his hand on Dreams' shoulders, using them as balance.

“It hurts me when I can´t feel you,” George placed his head upwards so he could whisper in Dreams ear. It was like they had forgotten that they were still standing in the doorway, exposing their hormones for everyone to see. Well, for Sapnap to see. And even though Sapnap was in his room, George was afraid that he could hear them. 

“What can I do for you to not be hurt?”

“Kiss me,” George mumbled, _“Feel me, touch me, I don’t care.”_

George didn’t know how, or when he got the nerve to talk to Dream like that. But still, he wasn’t lying. It felt as his body was on fire when Dream didn’t touch him. It felt like someone was slowly drowning him when they didn’t talk or see each other. George's body was burning for Dream, and he was the only person to take the fire out. Still, Dream was also the person that lit the fire. The person that caused the flames. 

_And it made George want him more._

It felt almost dangerous feeling this warmth by a person, but it only made the craving worse. Don’t play with fire they say, but what can you do, _when you are amazed by the flames?_ When the flames make you feel alive, how can you turn away from them? How can you turn away from something that makes you warm, alive, and safe? It doesn’t matter if you can hurt yourself as long as it makes it worth it. And George knew that. He knew that this dangerous feeling was worth it. By the end of it all, isn’t pain sometimes worth it?

_Oh, wonder if Dream felt the same way._

After George's request, Dream didn’t hesitate. He didn’t seem to question George. It was as if he waited for George to beg for him. As if he wanted him to tell him exactly what he wanted, and he would give it. Dream placed both his hands on George's back, pulling him towards him. Dream backed up, but he was holding his firm and hard hand placement so George could follow. As soon as they slowly appeared in Dreams room, he closed the door. Almost excited, but he still closed it quietly. They didn’t make it far in the room, and Dream pushed George against his door.

George let Dream do whatever he wanted. He let him lead. Every move Dream took, George followed. He let himself be weakened by him. Every touch felt like a new match being lit on fire, touching his skin. _Did Dream know that he had this power?_ Did Dream know what he did to George? Did he feel the fire form when he touched George? 

Dream placed his hand in George's hair, pushing his head backward, causing George to give out small sounds. Dream had complete power over George's body. Dream bent down, and he brushed his lips against his cheek, leaving shivers down George's spine. It felt like his entire body was going to collapse, and he had to focus to keep himself up. Dream continued to brush his lips against George's face, pushing his lips against his cheekbone, tracing it. His lips were studying his face, painting every detail with soft and wet kisses. Every kiss left shivers. Every kiss left invisible marks. He felt them all. Every detail of the kisses: firm, smooth and soft at the same time. Each time Dream placed a kiss on George's face, they both let small, soft sounds from their breath. 

“Am I still hurting you, _George?_ ” Dream asked, pushing his lips against his cheek. George struggled to get his words out as if he couldn’t speak. As if Dream took his ability to speak away from him when he kissed him. His lips stole his ability to speak, and he stole it more and more for each kiss. “Is your body still screaming for me?” 

“Y-yes,” George had to force his words out, almost whispering them out. His breath was heavy, and he had to gasp for air to speak. Dream traced his lips from George's cheekbone, continued kissing his neck. Each kiss that hit his neck formed millions of butterflies in George's stomach and he could feel more blood pumping through his body. The more kisses he felt, the more desperate he was for them to be placed on his lips. He wanted Dreams lips on his. Not only did he want them, but he also needed them. He needed to feel them again. A need he didn’t know he was able to experience. A need that punched him in the gut. _A need that needed to be fulfilled._

“What can I do to stop hurt—” 

Dream couldn’t finish his sentence. George had reached his face and pulled it to him. He pressed his lips against Dreams, and for the first time, George felt like he had a bit of control. And Dream let him have it. When they finally kissed, everything around them seemed to be so quiet. So quiet that they could have heard a needle fall on the floor. Each second grew longer, each breath turned heavier, each touch seemed endless. Dream removed himself from the kiss, and George felt his heart stop. 

_Was he going to leave George again, leaving him crazy?_

But he didn’t.

Dream looked at George, and they were watching each other. Studying their eyes, listening to their breath. Dream placed his thumb on George's chin, pushing his lips against Georges once again. 

_He won´t stop next time._

_He won’t stop next time._

Dream kissed him gently and carefully, but there was still a sort of firmness to it. Some sort of desperately to it. Their lips meeting, and the puzzle was once again completed. Once again, the missing puzzled were together, and relief rushed through George's body. Leaving him numb and desperate for more. Dream placed his hand on George's T-shirt, knotting it with his fist so George didn’t have any choice to move his body closer to Dreams. They both moaned softly, forcing them down each other’s throats. Their enjoyment escaping through each other’s throats, disappearing until more was formed. This kiss felt more real. Like the first sunlight after a long winter. Like the first flower growing in the spring. George knew by their kiss, that he had always been kissed wrong. That he didn’t know the enjoyment of a kiss before he kissed Dream. He didn’t know what kind of feelings a kiss could cause until he felt Dreams lips against his. His heart exploding and his veins throbbing. He never wanted it to end. 

_As he was afraid, Dream was the only one that could kiss him like he wanted to be kissed._

George let his fingers slip under Dreams sweater, feeling his bare stomach against his fingertips. The touch sparked through his fingers, feeling every touch like his nerves was multiplied by thousands. They only broke their kiss when they needed the extra air, but didn’t let them be removed for a long time. Dream placed both of his hands in George's hard, pulling it harder, causing George to let out slightly louder moans. They badly wanted each other, and they could feel it. They could feel their enjoyment against their bodies. George slowly let his hands slid down Dreams stomach, stopping them as he reached his sweatpants. Dream didn’t flinch, he didn’t seem to mind his movement. Rather, he seemed to enjoy it. 

“Yo! My friend just ask—” George and Dream ripped them off each other when Sapnap flew the door open. Sapnap looked at them as if he had seen a ghost.

_Or if he had just seen two of his best friends make out._

“Fuck, I´m sorry!” Sapnap said, placing his hand in front of his eyes, “I didn’t mean to ruin anything,” 

No matter what Sapnap would say, it didn’t matter _. He had ruined the moment._ And George was once again afraid that he would never get it back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> I hope you had a great Christmas everyone and happy holidays!


	13. Thirst

George was struggling to find his breath, and it felt like time stood still. 

But the ticking of a clock did not stop to keep a fine moment. It did not stop to enjoy a moment of them.

_He and Dream._

Rather, the clock stood still to maintain a terrible moment. 

_A moment of ruin._

As if the universe wanted to rub in another ruined moment between the two young men. Another moment where George had yet to worry about “next time”, wondering if Dream would once again give into him. Or perhaps he got sick of the twisted way the universe pulled them away from each other. It made George wonder. Why did he feel this affection towards a person the universe did not approve of? 

There they were. Standing in the room. Time still, eyes shut up, and sweat running from their faces. Sapnap, Dream, and George. None of them spoke. As if the moment that Sapnap had caught them in didn’t exist. Maybe it did not? Perhaps it was all in George’s head, and Sapnap was one of his ways of snapping out of it. His way of snapping out of his strange obsession with Dream.

Why did no one speak?

Was George right? Was this all in his head?

It felt so real.

New thoughts formed in his head. It filled them with anxiety and confusion. They attached the thoughts that make you wonder if you are within your body, or if you were watching yourself from the outside. George no longer had control over both his head and his body, and he had to choose between them while the other part was being controlled by something else. Something he couldn’t explain. 

George looked around in the dim room. Dream and Sapnap had disappeared in his thoughts. At first sight, it looked like they did not have faces anymore. It was terrifying to see his friends like that, but it felt somehow peaceful. Faceless men could not judge him. However, when George blinked, his friends came back to life. George looked over at Sapnap. Almost in disbelief. 

_Why did you ruin it?_

_How could you?_

Then again, George could not blame his friend. There was no way he could have known about his friends making out. He knew about their first kiss, but the way George had phrased it made it seem like they would never have another. Still, George could not be blamed either. Considered him not believing that he would get another. He could blame no one for the unsettling way the moment they had. 

Dream and George were still standing close, but not too close. They could feel each other’s warmth, but not their breath. George already missed the taste of his pink lips.

“This better be worth it,” George mumbled. He spoke so unclearly that his friends could not hear him. Which was a good thing for George.

 _“You ruined nothing,”_ Dream said, stepping away from George. He took only one step away from him, but it felt like ten. 

He ruined nothing. Dream admitted it. The moment of sparks for George was nothing other than a playful game for Dream. Another one of his funny jokes. The difference was this joke was not funny. It was disturbing how he could stand in front of George and tell him it wasn’t a moment to ruin. George felt his heart sink by it. As if his heart had stopped working and his body had given up on him. It was a sort of heartbreak that did not feel allowed, considering that Dream was not his, but it was unbearable. The pain Dream could bring George was frightening. It felt like his friend was two: where one had an affection for George, but the other could not care about him. The terrifying thing about that was how George did not know which one of his alter egos was his true self. 

“Uh-“ Sapnap struggled to say something and looked over at George. Eyes confused, eyebrows sharped, and mouth in a line. Did Sapnap feel it? The pain that went through George when Dream spoke. Had Sapnap felt it? Probably not, however, his face was speaking hundreds of words without talking. As if he wanted to give George comfort, but he could not whilst Dream was in front of him. Perhaps Dream scared Sapnap too. It was unlikely, but walking in on someone making out following up with careless words might get anyone confused. Especially after George’s confession. Still, Dream did not know about George’s conversation with Sapnap. 

Maybe that was the reason Dream shut them out. He did not want anyone to know. George did not know if it was more painful knowing that the kiss meant nothing, or if Dream hated the thought of someone knowing about it. 

“It just seemed like I ruined something.” There it was. By the smallest sentence, George knew that his friend saw the pain in his eyes. He protected him, and it felt honest. George looked back at Sapnap and locked eyes with him. The look did not last over one second, but it said what needed to be said. 

_Thank you._

Sapnap nodded, but Dream could not have noticed. It was small, and he barely moved his head.

_You’re welcome._

Dream did not respond, he kept looking at both of his friends. George had no idea what his face meant. As if he did not feel. As if he had lost all emotion and was struggling to find them back. 

“Anyway, the reason I am here is that my friend asked us to join her birthday party this Friday,” Sapnap explained, “And now that I am saying this, I get how dumb I was for bursting in,”

“You don’t say,” George sighed, “Which friend?”

George had to restrain themselves from not sounding mad, which in full honestly, he was. He was mad that a birthday party that would not happen before Friday could ruin a moment he dreamt of during each night. That was three days from now. 

Who would have known that something happening three days from now could ruin something good? 

_It ruined something good._

“Sarah. An old friend of mine, it is kind of a big deal, so I have to say if we come or not. We need to be on the list,”

_A list ruined something good._

“We will be there, right, George?” Dream said, looking at George. The look didn’t feel right, and George was debating if he meant to sound rude or if it was all in his head. George could do nothing else then nod to the question. And surely George wanted to be at a party with him.

“Cool. Nice. I will tell her that. Uh-“ Sapnap looked up at his phone, placing his eyes on both of his friends, “I will leave,” He added as he had left the room. Leaving them alone.

When he closed the door, it felt like a darkness had consumed the entire room and was eating them both alive. It was like the darkness had brought a dark cloud and it made it impossible to breathe. Maybe this was the way George would die, with a lump in his throat and darkness consuming him. In front of the person who had hurt him. 

“Look, George—”

“Don’t,” George said, moving closer to the wall - hoping that it would consume him too. That the wall would eat him up and make him leave the room. 

“George, please don’t act like that.”

“Like what? Like we didn’t kiss and then you told him he ruined nothing? Like it didn’t matter?” 

Dream walked closer to George, and considering that George didn’t have anywhere to go, he had to let him. The messy hair from the make-out session was a good look on him, and the sweat made his skin shine. Even in darkness, his skin lighted up, and it made him look beautiful in any way possible. His sweater was curly from George’s hands from before. 

“It’s not like that,” Dream said, placing one hand on George’s shoulder, “I don’t feel comfortable with anyone walking in on us. I just had to have an excuse.” Dream’s excuse made sense, but it hurt. Dream did not want anyone catching them. He did not want anyone to see them. 

“Us?” George removed Dreams hand. He held it without force and Dream let George have his hand around his wrist. “You do not want anyone seeing us?”

“I mean, we are just friends after all.” 

Sometimes, hearing the truth is worse than a million bullets. Even if you knew the truth from the very inside of your body, hearing someone say it to your face is the worst kind of pain you can get. 

George had hope. 

He did. 

He did not admit that he did, but the pain he felt when Dream told him they were just friends was the pain you cannot handle. It felt like his lungs stopped working, tormenting the oxygen trying to get in them. His heart was up to his throat and it felt like he could throw it up at any moment. It filled him with an anger that felt more like sadness. The cloud consuming the room did no longer consume the entire room—George had swallowed it and made his entire inside burn. The pain was eating him from inside and he was afraid that it would chew through his skin so Dream would see the scares. It felt like his skin was against him and that he could burn up any second. 

George felt himself losing the grip on Dreams wrist. He felt a weakness he did not know he could feel. A weakness that he was afraid of feeling, where his body was fighting against him at every second. George did not know if it was the darkness in the room making it blurry or if it was his tears pressuring him to cry. He felt his knees weaken and the lack of oxygen in his body made it hard for him to function. He could collapse, but he somehow fought against it. 

“Friends,” George bit his teeth together, “You do not kiss me like a friend,”

“What do you mean by that?” Dream asked. 

“The way you kiss me Dream,” George said, placing his hand on Dreams face, “Is not a way a friend would kiss someone, is it?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Dream said, but he had loosened the seriousness in his voice. Still, he seemed tenser. As if his body had frozen up by George’s words. 

“You have no idea what I am talking about?” George placed his hand on top of Dreams sweater. “The way we fight for our breath, the way you feel my body, the way you kiss me as I have never been kissed before-“ George placed one finger under the sweater, feeling the slightest skin. Dream looked away from George and looked at the air. _“Is that how you kiss a friend?”_

Dream removed George’s hand, but he held hard around George’s wrist. It felt like he was going to go through George’s skin. “Stop.” He said, biting his teeth together and tightened his jawline. His eyes looked deadly and sensual.

“Stop what? Telling the truth?” 

“Yes,” Dream moved closer to George, putting his hand under the cheek, lifting George’s head, “I am not kissing you as a friend,”

“What are you kissing me as then?”

_“I am kissing you like someone I’ve been longing to kiss for a long time,”_

The room went quiet again. The same quiet that had roamed around the room earlier. The quiet that makes you one with your body but, it feels like you are watching yourself. A mixture of peacefulness and restlessness. A tense combination between wanting to stay in the room, but at the same time, he wanted to run. Run somewhere he had never been. Run until his legs could not handle it. 

Yet, the confusion grew, and George could not comprehend if his friend had truthful or dishonest. Was George a person he wanted to kiss, or was it the thought of kissing someone? Was it a loneliness George could kill for a few minutes? Did Dream wish himself on George, or did he wish himself on someone he could not have? 

For all George knew, Dream liked the way the universe put them together and then ripped them apart. Perhaps he liked the thrill of messing with something greater than them. I might have been the feeling he caused on George. The feeling of being wanted, the feeling of having power over someone that would jump in front of him when he was in trouble. 

Once again, he stood in a room between the alter egos of his best friend. Every time he believed what had said, he found himself broken the next time they spoke. Still, George could not remove himself from Dream. As if his soul was longing for Dream when they did not talk. His soul was bleeding for someone that was ripping it apart. It might have been why he was addicted to Dream: once his soul was ripped, Dream could sew it together till one piece. It did not matter if it hurt him since he knew that he could fix it.

“Like someone you have been longing to kiss?” George asked. The room grew darker each time he spoke. Maybe his voice was drowning him.

_Or perhaps George was the one that ripped his soul apart._

“You feel like a friend until you stand in front of me.” Dream placed his hand in Georges, placing them on the wall over George’s head. The longing was still there. Between the small air, they had between their bodies was the hidden ache for each other. The burning craving. 

Hunger and need. All in the small air. If their bodies touched, the craving would be satisfied, but it seemed like Dream did not want to satisfy it. Or what if he felt the same way as George? Once the hunger was satisfied, the next hunger was worse. The next craving was more painful than the other. The burning sensation grew each time they left each other. Each time they kissed. Each time they touched. It grew. 

It had always been there, the urge for Dream. A thirst that could not be quenched before they spoke again. No water could help him. Nothing could quench the thirst he felt from Dream.

Other than Dream.

_A friend until he stands in front of him._

_A friend._

_Not a friend in front of him._

He feels like a friend until he stood in front of him. How can you translate that to something understandable? 

“What?” George changed the grip in his hand, squeezing his friend’s hand harder. 

“I do not feel like I _need_ you until you stand in front of me. I do not want you until you stand in front of me,” Dream moved closer to George. He almost removed the air between them, but not quite. He let them long. Dream let them starve. “You do something to me,”

“I do something to you,” George repeated. _He wanted the air to break._

“How do you do it to me? _How do you make yourself so wanted by me?”_ Dream mumbled.

_Break the air._

_Give in the craving._

_Quench the thirst._

“I—” George had no words for the question. There was nothing he could say that fulfilled the question. George had no idea what he did. _He was wanted, but he was not._ He desired him when he was seen, but not when he was away. What can you make out of that? “I don’t know what I am doing,”

“Keep doing it,”

“Keep doing what?” 

“Keep making me want you.” Dream placed his other hand on Georges. Both over his head.

Then he did it.

_He broke the air._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and Happy New Years Eve everyone!
> 
> This chapter took a while since there has been lot happening during the break, so I am sorry for that!
> 
> Thank you for the support I have got this year and I can´t wait to see what the story can bring in the new year.
> 
> I hope you have a good day!


	14. Men.

George was never told about the confusion he would get surrounding his sexuality. There was never someone that told him that liking whatever gender was fine. All he knew was the norm of a woman and a man. Not only had he heard about it, but he saw it everywhere: television, books, social media. The view of a man and a woman together. He watched it whenever some of his friends got in a relationship. Everyone asking who _she_ is, what is _her_ name, how did you meet _her._ Never a question of who _they_ are, are _they_ a man or a woman? It seemed like it was expected by all.

A man and a woman.

Perhaps it is simpler to like the opposite gender. You follow everyone’s expectations. You will not get the sickening feeling in your heart that there is something different about you. But George wondered why it mattered. He wondered why people had the urge to care about what other people liked. It had never quite hit him how others could care about other’s love. When we spend our entire life trying to find someone that belongs to us, why does it matter who anyone else found?

Still, he did not enjoy the thought of wanting another man. George did not enjoy the idea of being different in a crowd of humans copying another. He was afraid of not being what everyone assumed. He was afraid of the looks and the lack of support he might get from his closed ones. It terrified him. 

George was not what everyone assumed.

And he had realized that.

As if the company of a woman did not move him in any other way than a normal meeting of two human beings. He enjoyed the company of his friend Niki, but he had never viewed her as anything else than a friend. Almost like it was impossible for him to even imagine him in more than a friendship with any woman. Perhaps it was not meant for him. The concept of a man and a woman.

It had become clear after him and Dream. That he wanted him. He had a tremendous urge for his friend. He could compare his urge for Dream to the excitement a child get before opening presents. The excitement before opening, while opening, and the enjoyment of using your present. The overly happiness from something simple. Dream had made George thrilled and grew the desire for something as simple as a small touch. Still, he had no urge for anyone, he only had an urge for Dream. His touch was the only one that mattered.

They had kissed once more that night after Sapnap had ruined it. It was short, but it still felt like it lasted for hours. It felt like a goodbye kiss.

And maybe it was. Maybe it was the last kiss they would ever have. George always thought that when they left. It would be selfish for George to get more, he used to tell himself. Dream was no other than a friend. Which Dream had to rub in. There had to be a limit when a friend should not receive any more kisses. A friendship can only bear so much.

After Dreams confession about how he did not care for George when they weren’t close, it made everything harder for George.

_Keep making me want you._

How can you keep someone want you if they only want you in their company? It was both a relief and frightening how George had no power over his friend until they stood in front of each other. That he meant nothing before he stood in front of him. What did he do with Dream?

And what did Dream do to George? Why was he so overly excited when thinking about Dream? Why did he care so much about what his friend thought about him?

Had George developed a liking for his friend? A liking that was not something you feel for a friend, but something else. Perhaps that was why he made George so warm, and the reason his cheeks were filled with blood when he looked at him. Maybe it was why George used to drown in Dreams eyes, and why he enjoyed watching his movements. He enjoyed his ignorant jokes, the annoying laugh, the innocent comments he made towards him. An enjoyment he had never quite felt. An enjoyment that he had no words to explain. He could listen to him forever. He needed no fire when he was with Dream. Dream had lit him in any way possible. As if a match had burned through his skin and sent a warmness through his veins.

He did not know if the form of likeness he had for Dream was feelings or if it was something else. It might have been an attachment for the attention he got from Dream. George had gotten used to the attention, and maybe that was what made him so desperate for Dream. The feeling of being wanted. _Even though he was not wanted at all times._

However, the liking George had for his friend could never be fulfilled. He could not tell him.

He could never tell Dream.

As long as George was not wanted by Dream, he could never tell him.

He had to hide the liking he had for his friend. That was supposedly the best thing to do. Sometimes ruining a friendship for your own good is not the best thing to do. It was better for George to keep himself hidden.

In his defense, he had been hidden for quite a while already. As if he had gotten used to hiding his authentic form from everyone else. He showed people what he wanted them to see, and then he hid the rest in the closet in his bedroom.

He feared opening it in front of people. Scared that his correct form would be exposed. George had told Niki that he thought he liked men, but he had never admitted that he did. He told Sapnap about the kiss and his confusion, but he had never truly said he was sure of his sexuality. He had only given people a decent explanation.

_«I **like** men.» _George had said to himself, looking at his figure in the dark mirror he had in his bedroom. He felt both uneasy and comforted, telling himself that he liked men. It felt natural telling himself, but at the same time, it felt unnatural. As if George felt a sort of disappointment. That he did not feel utterly comfortable in his own skin. He was afraid that someone would rip the skin off his body and throw it away in a pile of failures. If he embraced himself, would people look at him differently?

He could not embrace himself.

He could not.

It felt like he was stuck in a body he could not show to others. A body that hid in clothes and endless thoughts. Hiding from everyone and himself. Scared of undressing. Undressing his secrets and labels, and things that perhaps did not matter.

He wanted the feeling of undressing. The feeling of ripping off the layer of his skin that was hiding his actual skin. A feeling of truth. 

The kiss they had shared before they said goodnight was stuck in George’s head and the feeling was still on his lips. The wetness of the lips and the taste of innocent on his face. Every second that had gone made the wetness even bigger. Whenever George looked at himself in the mirror, he thought he saw the kisses. Dream had left marks on George’s face. Forever scars that people could see. It felt like Dream had marked him. The scars were a symbol that George’s heart belonged to someone. Even though he did not.

He belonged to no one else but his stupidity.

Still, his heart did.

Listen to your heart, they say. How can you listen to your heart when it lies: when it buries you in lies of tenderness and aching? You cannot control the longingness in your heart. _Even if your heart is wrong._

It was the day before the party, and the three friends spent the day at the mall. George had no intentions on joining them, but Dream had pursued him with a simple _please._ Shopping was not George’s strong suit, and he lost interest within the first ten minutes of endless walking in a shop. People keep saying that men are quick with shopping, but that was not the truth for his friends. They had already been there for two hours, but it felt like an entire lifetime.

A lifetime in misery. 

“The green one or the red one?” Dream had snapped George out of his bubble he had made to survive the mall. His friend was standing in front of him, holding up two hoodies.

“You are talking to a colorblind person, Dream.” Dream had laughed at George’s comment and looked over at Sapnap to get his input, but he was too into his thoughts.

“Will none of you help me?” Dream sighed.

“The green one, then. It fits with your eyes, doesn’t it?” George mumbled. He got eye contact with his friend _. As if George could study the color in them._ At times, he wished he could.

“I will just try them both on,” Dream said, walking to the changing room. His steps seemed exhausted, and perhaps the mall had drained the life out of him too. George nodded while turning around to check some T-shirts. He studied the lifeless colors in them. But fairly, it did not matter to George. He had never been used to something else.

George felt a hand on his shoulder and felt a breath down his neck. It went down his entire spine and he could feel it through his every nerve. He knew by the breath that it was Dream. He had studied it enough to recognize it. 

“Will you join me, George?” Dream had his lips close to George’s ear and the sound of his voice went through George. His voice felt electric, and it gave him an electric shock. George had not seen Dream turn around, nor seen him move closer to him.

George turned around, looking at Dream. The feeling in his spine was still there, and it made it hard for George to keep eye contact. George placed his eyes on Dream's neck, looking at the details in it. The urge he had for kissing it tormented him.

“Join you where?” George questioned.

“In the dressing room, I need opinions.” The way Dream spoke made him seem confident and the small smirk he had on his face multiplied the feeling of Dreams self-possession. He had control over his emotion and he never showed more than he had to. If there was one thing George hated about Dream, it was how he made self-confident look easy. Like Dream owned the word. Or maybe it was the other way around. Confidence owned Dream. Dream seemed comfortable in his skin.

Perhaps that was George’s biggest weakness with Dream. He looked up to him. Being the owner of your own skin was something George had never felt.

“What?” The question had caught George by surprise. He did not understand what Dream meant by the question. Surely, it was obvious enough. But George had no intention of joining. Still, the question had made George’s knees weak, and it felt like Dream was controlling his body.

“Yeah, I need opinions, why don’t you join me?” Dream placed his hand at George’s wrist, pulling his body after him. George wanted to resist, but he let his legs follow his friend. He looked over at Sapnap, but he still had not given them any thoughts.

Sometimes it felt like George was not there. That the reason people kept looking over him was that he was not really there. Maybe it was the reason George never felt comfortable in his skin. He was just a shadow lingering in people’s company. Like a fly flying in a living room, trying to find his way out, but there was no hope. _Non-existent._

When they stood in the small changing room, George felt a form of uncomfortable he had not felt in a while. The small room was eating him up and he was still struggling to find eye contact. George was watching Dreams smile. He had kept his hand around the wrist. Tight, but soft.

“I can’t fucking be here Dream,” George whispered. The thought of Dream the other day was drowning in his head. How he did not want to be seen with George. Somehow, it made George scared of being seen too.

“You are just giving me opinions, man,” The voice was teasing. Mocking George through his skin.

“I can give you opinions from the outside, just walk out whe—”

Before George could finish his sentence, Dream had ripped off his hoodie. George was studying the bareness of his upper body.

“You can’t walk out now, I´m exposed.” Dream slipped his hoodie out of his hands, leaving it on the changing room floor. The temperature in the room had gone up, and it felt like fire was lit from the floor and running up his feet. The air was thinner, causing George’s breath to turn heavier.

“Also, I got you something you can try on,” Dream turned around, looking at the pile of clothes he had brought in. He found a shirt and threw it at George. The shirt had no detail. There was no writing or pictures. Just a simple white shirt. He looked at Dream with a judgy look. That boring, simple T-shirt was something he did not have to try on. “Come on, try it on.”

“It is a simple T-shirt Dream. I don’t need to try it on,” George threw it back at Dream.

“No, I swear you will look so good in this.” Dream was still exposed, and his voice had gotten quieter. As he was hiding from someone or was afraid that someone would hear.

“Will you stop tormenting me if I try it on?”

“I will,” Dream threw the shirt back at George, “Wait, let me help you with that,” Dream added as George started to undress his sweater. He felt Dream´s hands through the fabric. George let go of his sweater, letting Dream take it off his body. The movements were gentle, and Dream let his fingers slip under the sweater, pulling it up from the bottom.

“Hands up, _George.”_ Dream’s voice had gotten soft and George followed his request. He let the sweater pull off. They were both exposed. Standing in the small room. This was the first time George had not hidden his body with his hands while standing with Dream.

Dream placed one hand on George’s naked shoulder, gently caressing his skin. The room was filled with tenderness and sensuality. His hand was studying his arm, moving it from his shoulder to his fingers. His hand went back from his fingers, up to his shoulder and down George’s stomach. Feeling his upper body.

_Veins throbbing, heart pounding, and sweat forming from their bodies._

“Your skin is so soft,” Dream whispered in George’s ear. They were studying each other. Letting their eyes go up and down. George moved closer to Dream, making their skin touch slightly. The sweat grew thicker, and the blood flooded faster through George’s body. Dream placed small and careful kisses on his shoulder, placing them further down his arm. His lips followed the trail his fingers had recently made, leaving a vibrant feeling through the skin. George ran his fingers in Dream´s hair and pulled a small bit of it. The sounds from both of them were desperate, and a tingling feeling had grown in their pants. Dream placed his hands on George's waist, pulling him closer. They could feel the amusement from each other. 

_Breathes heavier, desperation growing, and sweat running._

He had never felt this form of desperation before. The feeling of wanting to hide his nails in Dream's skin. The feeling of wanting _more._

George let his hands fall to Dream´s stomach. He slowly ran his fingers on it. Studying it with all his senses on his fingertips.

“You look so fucking good,” breathed. His breath exposed his desire for Dream, but he did not mind it. 

“The same thing goes to you,” Dream said, removing his hands from the body, “But we need to leave before we get caught.”

George looked in his eyes, and they stayed quiet for a few seconds before they forced themselves to go back into the real world. The wantedness was still flying in the small dressing room.

“Not yet,” George said, removing his hands from Dreams stomach, “We still need to figure out what hoodie you´re getting,”

“I chose the green one when you told me to get it,” Dream spoke through his smile.

“Then why did you bring me in here to try them on?” George asked. The room had gone still, and George had reached for the sweater he wore earlier. But when Dream answered, he froze. His entire body went once again warm, and the flames had reached his brain.

_“I had to have a good excuse to get you alone.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and happy new year!
> 
> I am glad I can share the opening of this new year with you guys :)


	15. Confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings // food 
> 
> I talk a lot about food and issues around it in the beginning of the chapter, so if you feel uncomfortable with it, please skip it. You will not miss that much, and I want you to be comfortable.
> 
> Thank you!

George was studying his figure in the bathroom mirror, looking at his bare upper body. He had lost weight, and this was the first time he had taken notice of it. The angst and confusion he had experienced had not only eaten his thoughts, but also his body mass. Not that George had ever been the biggest or had the biggest muscles. Still, looking at his ribs showing through made him sick to his stomach. He had no one to blame but himself; he knew that. Although, he was not in control of his own brain. It seemed like the universe controlled him more than he had ever done. That the universe was upset with George and took over. However, at this point, it just seemed like a worthless excuse. He hid behind higher power. Hiding behind something he cannot explain, something greater than him. Something he could hide his insecurities within. Perhaps he somehow enjoyed not being in charge, perhaps he enjoyed being under someone.

Still, looking at his body made him nauseous. He did not understand how he made himself this bad. When was the last time he ate? Was it an entire meal? He tried to feel the taste of some crumps in his mouth, but they were non-existence. Washed away from the toothbrush last night, or maybe the day before that. He ate one day ago, right? Or was it three? Had he gone four days without? Surely not. No, it could not have been over three. He was sure of that. Well. The thought of food had not crossed his mind. George had gotten used to the feeling of hunger to where it did not exist. As if he did not have to eat. He functioned without food.

However, his body had taken notice of him not eating and had eaten him alive. Bit by bit. Finger by finger. Forever losing his existents. He wondered if he continued not eating, would he disappear? Would his body turn into nothing but air, flying around the room like a cloud of unfinished business and thoughts? On the other hand, his friends had not taken notice of it. If they had, they would talk to him about it, right? But George had hidden in clothes that were larger than him to hide the weight. Although, Dream had seen his body. Perhaps the smell of lust had taken away Dream's sight. Was it all in George’s head? Was his brain fooling him into thinking he was smaller than he was?

_Eat more, eat more._

_It cannot be that hard._

But it was. Unfortunately, it was one of the hardest things George could imagine him doing right now. Food was the villain and George was the hostage. Wanting to escape it. Waiting for his rescue to save him from his misery. When did it get this bad? He had never struggled like this before. _Not this much._ This time it seemed like his body was against him. That he would throw up if he even tried food. That he would fill his food with his tears of torture. The food would have spikes in them, making it hard for him to even swallow. It felt like that the last time he ate. Like he ate spikes.

_When did it get this bad?_

_How did George let it get this bad?_

George turned away from the mirror, staring at nothing but the tiles. He moved his hands to where Dream had placed them the day before. The only thing that kept him safe was Dream. The meeting in the dressing room had clued itself to his brain, and he had dreamt about it during the night. His movements had been so gentle and his kisses so soft. He missed the feeling of the wetness on his body, hoping that he would get another. Hoping for more. Why did it have to end like that? George let his hands slide over his body. Wishing it was Dreams. Imagining his hand studying his body. Studying every inch. He needed to feel his hands on his body. He urged for it.

He could feel Dreams touch for hours. George could study his hands, his movements, and the way he put his hand through his hair. Dream was the most interesting book he had ever read, where you have no idea how it will end, or if it will ever end. Will it end with a cliffhanger? He was unreadable, but George somehow loved it. Loved the mystery the character had around him, the one you can never truly figure out. One chapter deeper into the book only made you more clueless, but more addicted. Dream was addictive for George, like an exclusive drug only he reacted to. A drug he could never get enough of.

The tastiest drug of them all.

_Dream._

The withdrawal he got when he did not taste, or touch Dream had grown into a painful unsatisfactory that caused his organs to scream. Screaming for more drugs to fulfill the emptiness he felt. The emptiness that could not be filled with anything he had enjoyed earlier. No games, no videos, no human interaction other than Dream. It felt like he was sweating when he did not talk to him or see him. His hands had shaken, his muscles were hurting. George had been restless for days, making it hard for him to fall asleep if he had not talked enough to Dream. Sometimes it even felt like he was about to throw up when he had not seen him. He was addicted to Dream.

Then he had realized it.

_He was in love with his best friend._

The urge and desperation were nothing else than love. He knew that he had a liking for his friend, but as time had gone by and another interaction had gone between them - he had realized that it was not friendship. _It was more._ The way his heart skipped a beat every time he saw Dream in the apartment, and how his veins had throbbed faster than ever before. The warmness he felt when he spoke and the satisfaction he got when he smiled. His serotonin level was screaming when he laughed. Even the sexual urge had grown. It kept him up at night and he felt desperate for him. 

All of it had made George realize that it was love. A form of love that he had never felt before. The love that felt like he was a child, but at the same time, it felt like he was a criminal. A criminal for liking his friend the way he did.

The party was today, and George had stood in the bathroom trying to figure out how to look for about thirty minutes. He had to fight himself to take a shower earlier, but after hours of yelling to himself, he took one. He wanted to look good for Dream. Even if Dream did not see him in a crowd of people, _George needed to look good for him_. Giving him the slightest chance that they may interact. _He already knew that Dream would look stunning._

“Are you joining us to eat before the party?” Sapnap had asked when George went to the kitchen. Dream was sitting by the kitchen table, watching something on his phone. His hair was long enough to cover his eyes when he looked down. He didn’t look up when George had arrived, but Dream was the type of person to zone out. Still, the warmness he had felt when he saw Dream was enormous. 

“No, I have already eaten,” George answered while opening the fridge to get himself something to drink.

“You have?” The voice of Dream was tormenting George’s spine.

“Yes?” George lied. Dream looked up from his phone, looking at George with mistrustful eyes.

“I haven’t seen you eat or heard you even be in the kitchen, that’s all,” Dream looked down on his phone once again, “I guess I was wrong.”

A lump had grown in his stomach and throat. Dream could see through him. As if George was a glass wall, exposing all of his emotion and lies.

“Well,” Sapnap breathed, looking at George, “I have already ordered food for all of us, so I suppose you have to eat more.” The smile Sapnap had was warm, and George felt a sort of comfort with it. He quickly placed a hand on his shoulder. The vibration on his fingers went through George, and the safeness from it made him relax a bit. Still, the thought of having to eat in front of them once again left a burning sensation. 

“Yeah, sure,” George mumbled. His mouth dry. He could feel his hands shake, but he tried to hide it by putting them in his pockets. His breath was heavier, and it felt like he shrank. It was as if hundreds of eyes were watching and stepping on him until he became one with the floor. They wanted to hurt him. The food wanted to cause him pain. It was against him.

_It cannot be that hard._

_Get yourself together._

It had taken George longer to eat than it should have, but he put most of it in the fridge as leftovers. I knew if it was there enough, his friends would eat it and forget that he had barely moved his food. The nauseous feeling had expanded in his stomach and he had to fight the impulse to throw it all up again. However, George was proud of him for being able to get down some food.

“You look good,” Dream smiled when George left his bedroom. They had gotten ready for the party and were ready to leave. Dream had fixed his hair, and his perfume filled every sense George had in his body. The white shirt he was wearing fit well on his body and it made him seem like royalty. He could drool looking at Dream, and George had never seen him look this handsome. The compliment warmed his cheeks, and he knew that they had turned red. He moved his eyes on the floor to avoid Dream seeing it, but the short giggle made him suspect that he had seen it. He moved closer to George, and placed his hand on his face, removing a hair strand from his forehead. His hand was warm against George’s cold body, and their temperature mixed in the touch. “Really good,” he placed a wet kiss on the forehead where the hair had been. More blood flooded to his cheeks, and his heart was struggling to fill his body with enough blood.

“Thank you,” George breathed, “Have you seen yourself though?”

“Is that a compliment, George?” Dream laughed.

“A poorly worded compliment,” George giggled, “Y-you look good,”

The two men looked into each other eyes. It was the same innocent look they had given at the beginning of moving in. Dream eyes were warm, and they melted into Georges. He reached for Dreams hand, and Dream accepted it. Their fingertips moved together. Combining their senses. Feeling the vibrations from it. Every time they touched, it felt like they shared their emotions. Their problems and happiness mixed. But the problems seemed bearable when they were together. As if their emotion matched.

“Your poorly worded complements move me.”

“Move you how?”

“They warm me.” Dream said, placing another kiss on his forehead before they removed themselves from one another when they heard Sapnap´s footsteps. The kiss was forever on his forehead.

-

The club was filled with all sorts of people. It was crowded and moving around seemed like a hardcore mini-game level. George had bumped into at least ten people as soon as they opened the doors. He had no idea that so many people would be there. If they wanted to move around, they would have to push people away. The music was loud and was already hurting George’s ears. The sweat had formed his forehead, washing away the kisses he had got earlier today. If he knew this, many people would be here, he would never come.

“Sapnap!” This girl yelled, trying to talk over the loud music, “You arrived, and I see you brought candy,” She laughed as she pointed to Dream and George. They looked at each other with an uncomfortable look. She smelled alcohol, and it made George nauseous. He was too sober for it.

“This is Sarah guys, the one that invited us!” George had to focus to hear what he said since the music was so loud. Dream reached his hand to introduce himself.

“I´m Dream,” His voice was pretty when he had to fight to be heard. George could see the sweat form on his back. After they removed their hands, she placed hers in Georges.

“Then you must be George,” She said. George nodded. Her curly blond hair curled was placed softly on her shoulders. The smell from her was even worse when she was close to him. Her eyes looked heavy from all the liquor she had in her body, and it seemed like she could fall on the floor any second. George spotted Sapnap´s hand on her waist to keep her up. As if he knew that she could fall any second.

“Anyway, let’s get you guys something to drink. It looks like you need it.”

The boys were sat down at a table with Sarah and a couple of their friends. Both men and women. After some drinks, and sometimes, George had forgotten that the music was uncomfortably loud. He enjoyed the company of the strangers at the table. Dream and George had placed themselves next to each other, feeling their legs rub together. The heat at the bar had risen and made them warm. The drunken up drinks were quickly placed with a new one, and it was easy to lose track of how many they had consumed. Sometimes between the drinks, Dream had looked over at George, giving him a soft smile. And every time George had finished a drink, he wished that he would get another look. It was almost as if it kept him going. The longing for the smile and his eyes. The loud talking around the table faded away from each drink that they consumed, and it seemed like they disappeared more and more. Even when George spoke, it felt like it was faded with the music and laughter from every corner of the bar. However, when Dream spoke or laughed, it seemed like his ear was focusing to gather every second. Once or twice during the time they had been there, George had placed his hand under the table to reach for Dreams hand. Dream always accepted it. It only lasted for a few seconds. Or maybe not even a full second. It felt like they held hands for minutes.

His hands had got numb and his eyes could not focus on even the biggest detail around him. Laughter became blurry and his head was heavier than it was when they arrived. George looked around to see if he could recognize anyone, but he was sitting at the table with complete strangers. Not knowing when his friends left. Where was Dream? His laugher was even number than his hands and it struggled to leave his mouth. His head was already pounding.

“D-did anyone see where my friends went?” George was stumbling through his words.

“They are on the dance floor, baby,” The faint voice of someone he could not recognize filled his eardrums.

The dance floor.

“Alright, thanks to whoever you are,” George giggled. He used both of his hands to get himself up from where he was sitting. The room was spinning, and his legs were weak. He was about to faint. He struggled to place his feet correctly when he moved towards the dancefloor. There were so many people and finding his friends seemed like an endless mission.

“George!” Small hands were put on his face, and he remembered the girl he had met earlier. Sarah. He could no longer smell the alcohol on her, it was faded away with his.

“Sarah!”

“Looking for your friends?” She laughed. They had their hands around each other to keep themselves up. They were both heavy from all the drinking they had done. Her waist was skinny, and the dress she was wearing was sitting tight on her body.

“Yes mam,” Everything went more and more blurry from each sentence he had to get out. Sarah placed her hand in his and moved him over to the dancefloor. George was too drunk to even care about her hand. When he was led to his friends, he felt a sort of enjoyment rushing through his body. Dream was awkwardly dancing with Sapnap and others. However, seeing them made his blood rush.

“Dream,” George mumbled, causing Dream to give attention to him. Dream placed his hands under his arm to support him.

“Hi, their little guy, had enough to drink?” Dream laughed as he pushed George up. George nodded, causing Dream to laugh more “I can see that.” He pushed them further from his friends, but they were too caught up to notice.

“You left me Dream,” George fake cried.

“I asked if you wanted to join,” He spoke through his smiling. It was beautiful to listen to. The music was still loud, but George had faded it out to listen to Dream.

“Well, now I want to,” George said, placing his arms around his neck, “Dance with me Dream.” So they did. They slowly danced to the music together. Pushed their bodies together, feeling their warmth. The sweat from their bodies was running, but they didn’t mind. The rush from the alcohol consumed every move. Every touch felt deeper, every move felt softer. Dream did not mind the support George had to on his neck to keep himself up. It rather seemed like he liked it. George placed his head on Dreams shoulder, moving with the music.

The lights were dim, and it felt like they were flying on a cloud. Dancing alone. Everyone around them had faded, and Dream was the only one George could see and feel. They were alone in the universe. Only them. Their heartbeat had synced, and they kept each other alive. He felt Dream's hands on his back, supporting him more and pushing him closer to his body. His hands felt like the wind on your skin on a warm summer day. The small wind that causes your body to survive through the sun burning on your bare skin. Every movement he made was another wind from the sky, filling George with refreshment.

Dream was his wind, his sun, his cloud, his everything. He moved his body as the seasons do. The different weather causing your body to lay back and enjoy the beauty in them. The cold and beauty in the snow, the brightness and warmth in the sun, the colors in the autumn leaves, and the new flowers growing in spring. He felt them all from just a simple touch.

“Dream?” George removed his head from his shoulder and looked him into the eyes. His eyes had never been more beautiful.

“Yes?”

“ _I like you,”_ George said, “I don’t like you as a best friend. You are like a symphony, always running in my mind.” Dream had softened his grip on his friend. “I am sorry, _but I am in love with you,”_

“George,” Dream was struggling to get his words out.

“You were right. The kiss helped. _I like men._ I like you. I have never been _this_ in love before.” George took a deep breath. He was already regretting the things he had told, but he could not control himself. The body was controlling him. Dream removed himself from George, looking into his eyes: they were confused. His eyebrows were high, and his mouth was halfway open.

_You are too drunk for this, George._

_Dream is too drunk for this._

“Look,” George continued, “I know you don’t like me ba—”

Dream mashed his lips against Georges, as if he tried to take the breath out of his lungs and destroy his mouth. He placed his hands in George’s hair, pulling his head backward. His hands kept George in place. It took a few seconds before George could follow the lips, but once he did, their lips were one. Following each other. He let Dream lead, and he followed. George could not restrain himself, and he pulled Dream closer to him. Dream opened George’s mouth with his tongue and let it slip in. Their tongues danced together, following their movements. They worked together to fight the urge they had. Butterflies had formed in George’s stomach and his mouth had become wetter. Moans slipped through both of their mouths, wanting more. The kiss got rougher, and their tongue was fighting to pin the other down. Wanting to be the winner of the fight they had created in their mouth. The hardness of their kiss would leave the taste of one another for weeks. It spoke a thousand unspoken words and George felt safe. He was home in Dreams kiss. Their lips moved with the movements of their heads. They didn’t break it, even the hardest movement. As if their lips were glued together. Time stood still, music was gone, laughter and conversations had drowned around them.

When they moved away from each other, they kept their hands on the same placements. 

And they stood like that for about one minute.

A brief minute.

“Fuck,” Dream mumbled, “I have to go,” 

George could say nothing before his friend left him on the dancefloor. He still felt the taste of his lips on his. He felt the dizziness take over his head, and without the support, he felt himself struggling to keep himself up.

_Where did you go, Dream?_

_Where did you go?_

_Where?_

George had to find his balance, but he was struggling to stand up. What did he do? Did he do something wrong? He kissed him wrong, did he not? _Fuck,_ he confessed his feelings.

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_I hate you, George._

His eyes turned darker, and he fell backward. The tears were pressing on his eyes.

_Where did you go, Dream?_

_Where did you go?_

_Where?_

He sat on the dancefloor, and he could not even mind the fact that others were around. He could not stand up. Tears ran down his cheeks and they made him cold. He felt himself shaking, and he lost breath. This was where he would die. On the dancefloor, at a stupid, unworthy party. Around strangers. The music was back, pressuring George to feel uneasy. His hands were sweaty, and he felt himself falling out of his own body. He could not breathe. He could not speak.

_Where did you go, Dream?_

_Where did you go?_

_Where?_

Why did he leave George?

_He fucking ruined it again, did he not?_

It was typical George.

“Hey! Hey man, oh fuck,” George felt a pair of arms around his waist, “George?” The hands pulled him up and placed him under their shoulder. One around his head and one supporting his waist. “George? Can you try to walk for me?” The voice of Sapnap grew louder. George tried taking a few steps forward, but he slipped on nothing but air. He could not see because of the tears that had filled his eyes.

“H-h,” George tried to speak, “L-left.”

“George, I am getting you home,” Sapnap said, supporting his weight. After a while, they had managed to get out of the bar and rushed into a taxi. The entire way home, Sapnap was supporting George’s head, placing it on his shoulder. George was sobbing the entire way, but Sapnap had tried to talk to him to keep him calmer.

“Sometimes I hate that man you know?” Sapnap said when he placed George on his bed, “He hurt you, George,” Sapnap placed the duvet over George. Then he placed himself next to George. George could not respond with his crying, and Sapnap placed George in his arms. He was sobbing into his chest.

“What did I do wrong, Sapnap?” George managed to get through. His voice was cracked, and he was shaking.

“You did nothing wrong, George, you never have,” Sapnap rubbed his hand through George’s hair, placing it away from his face.

“He just left, I must have done something wrong,”

“This is not the first time he has done that to you,” Sapnap reassured his friend. Pulling him closer in their hug. His sweater was filled with tears.

“Is there something wrong with me?” 

“George, I have known that man for a long time. You have too. Sometimes-,” Sapnap sighed, “Sometimes I don’t understand him,”

“But I am here,” He added, “Okay? I will be here until you have cried your last tear. I will be here until you fall asleep,”

_Where did you go, Dream?_

_Where did you go?_

_Where?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took a while. Beginning of school made it somewhat hard to write!
> 
> But thank you for your patience, and thank you for reading. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I also want to add that I read all your comments even though I don´t answer them. I love them all and I love your support so so so much! Thank you so much for all of them.


	16. Goodbye.

Head beating. Mouth dry. Sweat formed on George’s body. The poison he put in himself caused pain to his body. Opening his eyes seemed like the most difficult thing he could imagine himself doing, and his body was shaking. He could hear heavy breathing next to him, and he assumed that Sapnap had fallen asleep during the night. The sickness had formed in George’s stomach, and he knew that he had to get to the bathroom within minutes to avoid a disaster. The pain grew when he opened his eyes. The sunlight was lighting the room up since both of them had forgotten to fix the curtains before bed. In their defense, they were both drunk. George had fallen asleep in his friend’s arms. He probably ruined Sapnap's sweater with all his tears or at least made the color fade away from all the salt. It warmed George that his friend would do that for him. That he would leave a party early to get him home, and that he would be there for him at his weakest point. He appreciated it, more than he used to tell him. 

George placed his hands on his face, rubbing away the dried tears from the night. The angst from the night drowned him. He tried sitting up, but the weight on his body was too heavy, and he had to lie down before he could try again. If he stood up too fast, he would puke on the floor, and thinking about how he would have to clean it up made him frozen. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this hungover. George moved his head to the nightstand where Sapnap had placed a glass of water. Good thing one of them could think ahead when they got home. Then again, George could barely see from the tears, and his legs had stopped working way before they got home. Still, it made him smile, seeing that his friend remembered it. George checked his phone to find it powerless, he didn’t place it in a charger, but it wasn’t too important. He didn’t want to see what his drunk-self had done with it.

George chugged the glass of water and immediately felt the urge to throw it all up. He knew that he would have to get himself to the bathroom fast. George stood up, struggling to find his balance. He bragged a towel and some clothes before rushing to the bathroom. The sickness had grown too much and there was no way he could hold it in no more. It was stronger than his will.

After George had puked up all his stomach could offer, leaving him with the nastiest taste in his mouth, he sat himself down on the bathroom floor. The night was blurry, and he could barely put the pieces together. There were hours of the party that he could not even remember, and no matter how much he tried to think about it, he could not. The alcohol had erased the memories. Perhaps they weren’t important. Not to remember, at least. If someone would have quizzed him on the people he had met, he could never answer. He would leave mid-quiz and hope for the best. When he thought about his confessed his feelings for Dream, he felt more puke forming in his stomach. How could he let himself act like that? How could he let himself get so weak that he would tell Dream about his feelings and then cry when he left? Why did he leave?

George does not deserve love.

That must have been it, right? He did not deserve love.

If he did, Dream would not have left after the kiss. He wouldn’t have led George on. But he did. He probably saw George as George saw himself. Worthless and weak. A person like that can’t deserve love. It’s just the truth. The hard truth. Like a pill that gets stuck in your throat, causing more pain as it moves down. If George deserved love…

If he…

He didn’t.

George turned on the shower so he could remove the smell of liquor and strange perfume. He did not even care to wait for the water, and he placed himself under the cold, chilly water. It ran down his body, washing away last night. Hoping it would wash away the confession to Dream. That the water would make both of them forget about it. He watched as the water slid down, and it turned warmer by every second. He let it get so warm that it felt marks on his body, thinking it would remove the feeling from Dreams hands. But it didn’t. It stayed there. Like scars. Every touch he had ever gotten from Dream had forever stayed on his body, and he remembered them all. He could touch them and know exactly when they happened. George scrubbed his hair, removing the sweat that had formed, but he remembered how Dream had placed his hands in it. How he had stroked his hair with the kiss, and how it left him breathless. Everything George did made him think of Dream. He couldn’t even touch his skin without thinking about him. His handprints became one of George’s body.

George closed the bathroom door, sighing, thinking about how long he was in there tormenting his organs. It didn’t make him feel any better, but at least he felt some sort of comfort getting the worst out of his body. The water hadn’t dried in his hair, and it made him feel refreshed. At least the smell and the handprints of random people washed away. The sickness was still in his throat, and he knew that he would have to spend the entire day in his misery. He had no one else to blame but himself.

“Excuse me?” The high-pitched voice struck George. He turned around to see a woman. Messy hair laying behind her ears. She looked exhausted like she had been awake all night and she was wearing an oversized shirt. He recognized it; the oversized shirt belonged to Dream. He felt his stomach drop seeing her, and he tried to pitch himself to see if this was a bad dream.

“Huh?” George was speechless. Had Dream brought a girl in?

“The bathroom, right?” She said as she pointed at the door, George nodded as she walked by him. His stomach had dropped to the floor, and it felt like his body temperature was higher than I should have been.

Was he imagining her?

However, when Dream left his room, it clicked. His hair was messy too. He knew. The two boys caught each other’s eye contact, and it seemed like George was looking into a soulless person. George lost his towel on the floor, and his hands went against him. There was no way Dream would have brought a girl in right after their night.

_Did he leave to get her? When did they arrive? Who was she?_

“S-she—” George was struggling to find his words, “She was with you?”

“Well, yes,” Dream sounded almost confident, but he also sounded insecure. Almost like he was caught in the act.

“Oh,” George mumbled. He could already feel the tears forming. This is why he left. He left to find someone else.

_Someone better._

When the bathroom door opened, they both put their eyes on her. George was already comparing himself to her in any way he could. But it was obvious at the first sight, she was a woman. _He was a man._ A man that thought he might have just been unlucky with the way Dream left. A man that had hoped that he might have overreacted the night before.

“Did I ruin anything?” The woman joked. George felt himself restraining himself from lashing out on her. He felt selfish feeling this hurt by her. Dream was not his, and this was the evidence.

“No, I was about to leave,” George said as he rushed to put on shoes and walked out of the apartment.

As soon as he walked out, he cried. George did not fight the tears this time. He usually would, but after he saw her in his sweatshirt, he couldn’t help himself. He let himself sob even more than he did the night before. The stiff wind in the air-dried the tears, but new tears made his cheeks wet again. His wet hair stuck itself to his face, but he let it stay there. All he knew was that he needed to get out of there. Out of the apartment, away from Dream.

Why did he trust him like that? Why did he have the slightest hope that Dream would like him back?

That must have been it, why he left. He wasn’t interested in George; he wasn’t interested in men.

How could George be so stupid? How could he have let himself believe?

“George,” Dreams’ voice startled George, but he did not stop. He continued to walk away from him. Away from all of it. This was supposed to be his best year yet, but he had never felt this worthless. He had never felt this sad. The sadness was eating him up, and he was about the become one with his tears. Just a small drop of water washed away with feelings and later forgotten. Dream placed his hand on George’s wrist, pulling him back.

“George, look at me.” Dream quietly demanded. George turned around, and he ripped his hand out of his hands with his movements.

“What?” George’s voice was cracked, but it was knifelike. As if his body was fighting the last straw, trying to slow the slightest bit of anger. But George wasn’t angry. He was rather sad and heartbroken. This broken heart could not feel anger. It could only feel unhappiness.

“Can you talk about it? What’s wrong?

George laughed at the question: “What’s wrong? I confessed my feelings for you, and I find you with a woman the next morning. _Oh, you tell me what’s wrong, Dream._ ” George rolled his eyes and walked away from Dream once again. This time, he didn’t intend to stop. He intended to leave. Far away.

“I´m sorry that I can’t return the feelings, George.” George felt his heart shatter, and his lungs had to work harder to work. His heart felt numb, and it seemed like it had stopped giving him blood. Georges turned around, but the two friends had a distance. Like the urge to be close had left when George opened his eyes. Or maybe she took it from him when Dream brought her home.

“You kissed me after I confessed. Whoever in the right mind would do that to someone if they couldn’t return the feelings?” His voice was even more shattered.

“We were both drunk, caught up in the moment,” Dream moved closer, but George backed up. He didn’t want him closer. He wanted him far away. Nowhere in sight.

“Being drunk doesn’t make any difference. This wasn’t the first time you kissed me Dream,” The tears rolled into George’s mouth as he spoke, and the salt mixed with the feeling of blood in his mouth. “You knew I liked you, don’t even pretend like you didn’t,”

“I didn’t know.”

“Liar.”

“George, can you get inside so we can talk about it?” Dream asked.

“I´m not going anywhere with you,” Dream looked surprised at how George spoke to him. He had never acted like this. He would never in a million years imagine him saying no to going somewhere with Dream. It was a surprise to him how he spoke, how he acted, and how cold he was towards his friend.

The wind was heavier in their conversation, and it felt like the universe felt with George. That they had synced up their feelings. George had never felt this empty, like all he ever was, faded away with the wind. Somehow, he wished that he could fade away. Be nothing. Remove himself from the world and the situation he was caught in.

“I was dumb for thinking you liked me back. I was dumb for even having the slightest hope that you cared for me as I care for you,” George sobbed.

“George,” Dream moved closer to George and placed his hand on his shoulder, but George removed it.

“Touch me and I will _never_ talk to you again,” George threatened. Dream shut up his eyes, George could see him trying to speak, but he did not let him, “Don’t pretend like you did nothing to hurt me, don’t pretend like you didn’t know I liked you. You knew. I know that you knew.

“Please,” Dream mumbled.

“What? The way you kept leading me was one of the worst things you could have done, but you kept doing it,”

“I didn’t mean to George,” Dream sighed, “I am sorry,”

“I don’t—,” George mumbled, the tears were sliding down his cheeks faster than they had ever done. His throat was hurting from the enormous lump in it. “Goodbye Dream,”

“Where are you going?” Dream asked when George turned around. George didn’t answer, he kept walking. Tried to block out his friend. Hoping he was non-existent. Hoping this was all a dream. A nightmare.

Then he left. Knowing his friend was getting smaller for each step he took. He did not turn around, not once. Not knowing if his friend had walked away from him or stood where he left him. George left a trail in the pathway with his tears. Each tear with another memory of Dream. Hoping that the tears would forever remove them. George wished he could forgive, he wished he could run into Dreams arms and forget it all. But that sounded as realistic as a fantasy book. He had never felt this hurt. _This used._

George needed to get away from it. Away from the apartment, and the few memories they had made while they lived there.

Away from it all.

_Away from Dream._

_Meanwhile…_

Dream stood there as he watched the small figure leave him in the parking lot. The air was chilly, and his stomach had dropped. Seeing the tears on his _friend_ hurt him more than he would ever admit to anyone. He tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat, but it grew for each step George took. The more he disappeared, the more Dream felt hallow. Like George took a bit of Dream with him with each step. Ripping him apart bit by bit. He wanted to reach out. He wished he could run after and drag him back to the place they had been before. The place where it felt like they were the only one’s exciting. The small seconds where time stood still. _But that was gone,_ and Dream watched as it went further and further away from him. Dream let out a huge sigh as he opened the door to the apartment. He spotted that his company had left.

“Did she leave?” Dream asked.

“I told her to,” Sapnap answered. His voice was sharp, and he placed his arms in a cross, “You are so fucking dumb _Dream_.” Sapnap placed himself in front of Dream. He was shorter, but it still felt like he had the upper hand. Like he could have punched him any second and it would hurt even more than it already did.

“What did I do?”

_He knew what he did._

“Oh, I don’t know Dream? Maybe the fact that you’ve been leading our friend on for days and days and now you brought a fucking girl over,” Sapnap barked, and the words went straight to Dreams heart. He knew what he had done, but he couldn’t help himself.

_He couldn’t let himself feel George._

He had to get it away.

The kiss they had shared was more than a random kiss for Dream. He never wanted it to end, he wanted them to feel each other on that dancefloor.

But he couldn’t. George was his _friend_. That was all he would ever be. It was a coincidence that he felt that way towards George. He had developed no feelings for him _. It was all an unlucky coincidence._

“I´m not allowed to have a girl over? Dude, I was drunk,” Dream said in self-defense. However, his voice gave away the uncertainty he felt.

“I never said you can’t have a girl over. Dream I wouldn’t have given a fuck who you have sex with, but when you mess with _our_ friend like that,” Sapnap placed his phone up to his ear, but when they heard a ringing in George's room, they both understood that he didn’t bring his phone. He left without it. “Fuck, now I can’t reach him,” Sapnap threw his phone at the floor, completely forgetting about how shattered it would be.

“Dream, I swear to _fucking_ God, if I won’t hear from George within this day, I will never fucking forgive you for this stupid game of yours.” Dream had never seen Sapnap this mad. He had never heard his voice being so hard and sharp. It was the kind of voice that rips your heart out, the one that would scare even the toughest man.

“What stupid game of mine? I did nothi-“

“Y-you did nothing? He told me Dream. He told me about your first kiss and how you left him, and how you just left the apartment for days,” Sapnap´s voice was both sarcastic and rough. He mocked Dream by his question. Like Dream was the dumbest person alive. Right now, he felt like he was. He tried to keep it away from Sapnap, but the frightening feeling he got knowing that they couldn’t reach George twisted his organs.

“I was confused, Sapnap. It’s not like I wanted to kiss him.” _He did._

“Fine, you wanted to _´help him_ ´,” Sapnap said while moving his finger with sarcasm, “Then why kiss him the other time? Why kiss him last night?”

Because Sapnap, Dream was as desperate for his friend as George was. He wanted to kiss him every time he saw him; he wanted to feel his skin on his, but that could not happen.

They were meant to be friends.

No more.

_Nothing more than a couple of friends that had shared a few kisses…_

“I don’t know,” Dream mumbled.

“You are the dumbest human being I know,” Sapnap said while picking up his car keys.

“Sapnap, you can’t drive. The aloho-“

“ _I swear,_ be stupid one more time and I will punch you in your guts _. My friend_ is out there: hungover, sad, heartbroken. _I don’t care about the alcohol,”_ Dream tried to remove the car keys from his hands, but Sapnap slapped them back. The way Sapnap put pressure on “my friend” grew another lump in his throat. For the first time in a very long time, Dream felt the urge to cry. He felt like he could rip his heart out and throw it at the floor. His lungs didn’t want to give him enough oxygen to function _. Even his body hated him._ It felt like knives in his chest when Sapnap neglected their friendship.

“You know _if you truly cared about George_ , Dream. You wouldn’t have done this. You wouldn’t have let him go like that,” He added.

“I _do_ care about him, Sapnap!” Dream shouted. The tears were pressuring on him, and he had to fight to let them stay in his eyes. But he couldn’t. He let them slip. How did he let him go like that? Why would he do that?

“I only say this because you are my friend Dream: I hope you find yourself as he did. At least he embraced that he was interested in you.” Sapnap closed the door on Dreams face, and Dream felt more tears pressuring on.

Dream fucked up. He had tormented George for days, and he knew that he did. He saw it in his eyes and on his body movements. He knew that he was interested, but he could not help himself stay back. As if George was a magnet moving Dream in his direction at all times. He had never felt more self-confident with George, knowing that his friend was admiring him in any way possible. However, Dream felt the same way. George _gripped_ him. The way he talks, the way he stupidly tries to laugh away awkwardness in the room.

_At least he embraced that he was interested in you._

What the fuck had he done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii! This is the first and most likely the last time you got a bit from Dreams head too.
> 
> Sooooo, yeah, sorry about this chapter ;)
> 
> Hope you liked it!!


	17. Voicechat.

It had been a month.

A month since George stood in the parking lot with his friend.

A month since he had talked to him.

The pile of clothes grew larger, the time spent in bed got higher and higher for each day. What time is it? What day is it? He had lost track of time. The days between each shower multiplied, and the last time he ate was non-existent.

He couldn’t walk, he couldn’t speak.

Some days, the only movement made was moving from one side of the bed to another. Even those movements tired him out. He hadn’t turned on the lights in his room since forever, and he wondered if the lamp was still working, or it had given up on him.

A month since he posted on Twitter, a month since he uploaded, a month since he appeared on someone’s stream.

The day he left his friends, he went home. Home to his mother. He had cried the entire way home, and when he arrived home to his mother, he broke down. _The first time in years he had cried in front of his mom._ He couldn’t remember the last time he saw his mother as broken as she was the day he fell by the front door, on the cold wooden floor, leaving a pile of tears on it. It had taken her hours to even get a word out of him, and he heard her crying that night. She was always strong for George, but he knew that one of her fears was her inability to help her son.

She couldn’t help.

No one could.

It seemed all so cold, so dark, so numb. As if the world had stopped spinning the day he saw Dream’s friend in the hallway. She took with her a part of George that he had admired. Something that had made him happy. Still, she was not to be blamed. Dream was never Georges.

_And he would never be._

It did not feel like he could feel anymore, and his feelings led to a ball of uncertainty. No way to explain what he felt or how anyone could help him. He was helpless, useless, a human being trapped in a body he could not escape. A body that tried to tear him apart. Stuck in an emotionless robot that wasn’t working.

_Expired._

_Out of order._

Every breath was exhausting, every bite of food felt like a punch in the jaw, and every movement felt like walking a mile. Being in his body had never been this tiring. Sometimes, he hoped that he could just remove himself from his body and fly. Fly to the end of the world and stay there. Perhaps the end of the world isn’t so bad. Was it more peaceful? Would he stay in bed as he does now? Maybe it would give him the energy to run again. Run to see the light in the sky, and maybe he would enjoy it. Would it offer him the satisfaction of the chilly breeze on his skin, running on his hair, making him feel alive again? _Perhaps the end of the world isn’t so bad._

His mother had brought him her old phone the day after he arrived home, telling him he should tell his friend where he was. Sapnap had blown up her phone all day, hoping that George had arrived somewhere safe. He had sent him one message to tell him he was fine, but no more. Still, Sapnap texted him every day. Even if George never answered. He watched the texts on his screen, hoping they would go away if he stared at them too long. But they never did. New text always arrived.

**Sapnap**

_One month ago._

_I heard you arrived home, I´m happy you´re safe._

_One month ago._

_I yelled at him the day you left._

_One month ago._

_I hate when both of you ignore me._

_Three weeks ago_

_Stream asked about you today. Wish I knew what to say._

_I miss you, George._

_Two weeks ago_

_I’ve been extra worried for you lately. I can’t lose you._

_Don’t make me lose you._

_One week ago_

_Dream cried to me today. He was shaking. George, am I losing both of you?_

_One day ago_

_Talk to me._

His phone had comprised so many messages from Sapnap, and they would often make him cry. He had heard his mother be in a call with him sometimes, and it got more regularly than before. He wondered which of them called. Not that it mattered which one of them called, but he hated the fact that they were talking about him, knowing that he could do nothing about it.

George stared at his ceiling, watching the darkness consume all the details in his room. Sometimes it made it worse. The darkness made it worse. He didn’t know if the darkness was a lack of lightning in his room, or if it was his feelings drowning him in darkness, he could not explain. Darkness consumed him every day, making him fall further into a pit that ate him up. The only source of light was when his phone light up, or when his mother came in to give him some food.

Sometimes he wondered if Dream texted him too, but he had blocked his number before he had gotten the chance. George didn’t have the right to be this heartbroken by Dream, they were nothing but a couple of friends. Still, the hope had grown so large in his heart by each kiss, and he wished he could call Dream his. At times, it seemed like he could. It seemed like Dream wanted George to be his, but it was all the lies of hopes. His heart kept lying to him.

The light on his phone wouldn’t stop lighting up, and when he checked it, he saw Sapnap´s name light up. His phone was ringing. He hadn’t called once since he went home. He tried to ignore it, but Sapnap kept calling. It seemed like he wouldn’t give up.

So, he pressed the green button.

“George,” Sapnap´s voice filled his ear. He could hear his friend’s smile in his voice, “I was hoping you would answer.”

“You didn’t stop calling,” George answered. His voice was weak, and it sounded like someone had punched him in the throat.

“I sent your computer back to you. I know you will come back eventually, but I miss playing with you,” Sapnap explained. George sat upon his bed. Somehow, the excitement in his friend’s voice sparked some interest in George. The first interest he had felt in a month.

“I don’t know,” George mumbled.

“I told Karl that you are joining his Jackbox stream today, you can’t back off. People miss you,”

“I don’t—”

_“He won’t be there,”_ George breathed out. He knew who Sapnap was talking about. Dream won’t be there. He wanted to ask why, but he felt like crying even thinking about what Dream was doing. Was he still with the girl? Had he found another? Had he even cared about George since he left? Or was he happy that the burden was away from him?

“When?” George could hear the smile grow larger on his friend when he asked. As if he was truly expecting a “No”. But George knew he had to try. He had to get up and knowing Dream wasn’t there was a sort of relief for him.

“One hour,” Sapnap answered, “Also George, _I missed you,”_

“I know,” George breathed, “I missed you too—,” He felt the tears pressuring on. He thought he had cried them out ages ago, “Even though you talk to my mother all the time.”

“ _Our_ mother now,” Sapnap laughed, “She loves you; I hope you know that”

“Yeah,”

“I see you soon,” Sapnap said before he hung up. George looked around his dark room, trying to understand what it looked like. He had been having the same room forever, and he could not even remember what it looked like. George turned on the lamp next to him, and the pain in his eyes grew with the lightning. His room looked awful, but he tried to brush it off with his thoughts. Standing up was hard for George, and it felt like he had to learn how to walk again. He only stood up when he had to.

_One step at the time,_ he thought to himself.

George ran his hand through his hair, feeling the lack of showers he had taken. Not that it bothered him, it was hard enough to imagine him going into the water. He was afraid that the water would wash away the remaining feelings he had. That all he had left would go down the drain, leaving him stuck in a body with no feelings. Just a numb, cold human being. George struggled to find his balance when he stood up, feelings his low blood sugar trying to push him down at the bed again.

George went down to the living room, seeing his mother enjoying a show on TV.

“Mom,” George said. His voice struck her, and she quickly turned off the Tv, turning around to see his son. It looked like she had seen a ghost.

“Hi, you got up today,”

“Well, Sapnap said my computer was here, and I promised him I would join this stream so,” George sat down next to his mother. She was studying him, and she looked scared for his son.

“Yes. The computer. It’s in the kitchen,” She smiled, “You ready to talk about it?”

“About what?” George asked.

“About what’s been bothering you so much,”

“I—” George struggled to find any words, and he could already feel the burning sensation in his throat, “I caught feelings and they weren’t returned.” George thought about the conversation they had on the parking lot; how Dream had told him he couldn’t return any feelings. How sorry he was for it. Blaming alcohol. The sadness and anger grew within George.

“I am sorry that happened, George. Sometimes love is unfair,” She placed a hand on his shoulder, comforting him.

“It was my friend,” He said, “Dream,” He continued. He realized how he hadn’t yet told his mom about his sexuality. He had barely spoken a sentence since he got home.

“The one you moved in with?” She asked.

“Yes, that guy,” George looked down at his fingers, they were playing with each other, trying to calm him down, “First it was hard to realize that I had feelings for him. _A man—”_

_“_ But when I embraced that I actually liked men, he led me on and I—” George let one tear slip down his cheek one more time, “I thought he might like me back, Mom. I thought I might have a chance.”

“I´m sorry honey,” She placed George in her arms.

“It hurts so much, Mom,” George sobbed into her shoulder.

“It does,” She squeezed her son tighter, “But I´m so proud of you for finding yourself. Even if the path was rough,”

George removed himself from the hug. His mother had let a few tears down her cheeks. The two of them looked at each other, and the smile from his mother made him feel safe. He didn’t know how he thought his mother would react to him liking his friend, but that didn’t even question it made George feel welcomed. Perhaps she didn’t care who he loved.

If only George was proud of himself too.

-

George was sitting at his desk. All the hours he had spent there before he moved in with the boys flashed before his eyes. All the games he had played and the hours he had sat in voice chat with his friends. Where it all began. The first hello. The thousands of minutes spend on stream and video editing. All the times he had forgotten to go to bed so he could talk to his friends.

He was watching the discord Karl had made for his stream, watching all the profile pictures in the call. Dream was in the discord, but he was offline. Still, it made his organs twist seeing his name on the screen.

_He won’t be there._

George watched Karl’s stream, listening to him talking to his viewers before starting the game. They were waiting for George. Everyone was there already, and he was the only one missing. He hadn’t talked to anyone for a month, and now he will randomly join a stream. He could already imagine the chat when he talked. George hadn’t even explained to them why he left, and he had no idea if his friends tweeted about him.

He carefully clicked the voice chat, listening to the sound of him connecting.

“Are we re — Oh, George is here,” Karl said. George watched his smile on stream when he joined. Everyone welcomed him. He saw the chat being spammed already.

_George?!_

_I missed him._

George smiled a bit at the chat, and he already felt better. He missed them too.

“Yes, hello,” George said, and he was starting a conversation with them while Karl was starting the game.

The moment of silence when they wrote in answers was calming to George, and he felt like he could breathe for a bit. He listened to them talk about their problems and solutions to them. The laughter filled his ears and for the first time in a very long time; he laughed too. Laughed at how stupid his friends were acting, laughing at the chat still going crazy. An hour had gone by faster than any of the days had been lately, and he felt a warmness in his body that he hadn’t felt in a while.

“I´m George and my problem is that I—”

“Hi,” George froze by Dreams voice. The time on his screen went down, and he couldn’t get a single noise out. He had missed the voice so much, but it scared him to have Dream in the same call. They welcomed Dream as they have welcomed George, but George felt himself sinking further into the pit again. The warmness he had felt earlier was quickly turning into a coldness that seemed hard to fight against. The voices faded away, and he watched as the time ran out on his computer. He said nothing. It was as if his body had stopped working by a simple hello. He heard the boys talking to him, but he couldn’t focus on the voices enough to hear them. George checked his phone to see a new message from Sapnap.

**Sapnap**

_I have no idea why he is here. He told me he was busy today._

George looked at his phone until it turned black. What if he knew? What if this was all a trick to get them all together again?

_No. Play it off, George._

“I´m sorry, my computer crashed for some reason,” George lied, “And hi Dream,”

It felt like he was falling off a cliff when he had to talk to Dream like nothing was bothering him. Like nothing wrong happened. As if they hadn’t kissed several times and been desperate for each other.

“Will you be joining us, Dream?” Sapnap asked. His voice was concerned.

“Yes, I thought I would,” George felt another punch against his stomach.

They were playing for half an hour before Dream tried to get through George from his answers. The chat found them funny and missed the way they had joked about the shipping between them. This time it was different. This time George didn’t want to be shipped with Dream, and especially not by Dream himself. Every time he made an answer he knew would get to George; he felt his stomach trying to throw up whatever he had left in his stomach. They all laughed at it, and George tried to play along, but it didn’t work.

He was still in love with his friend and being shipped with him hurt more than knives on your skin. Especially when he knew Dream didn’t feel the same way.

When he knew he couldn’t return the feelings.

Each minute that went by made it harder for George to even breathe, and he had to fight the urge to leave the call and stream without a warning. Dream’s voice went through George’s spine, and it felt like it was about to break in two. His voice slowly killed George, and it was the most painful way he could have left the world.

Maybe the end of it all was worth it after all.

He felt bad talking to the friend he had loved for years. All broken up by a single party. All washed away from their tears and the heartbreak. What if they had no friendship anymore? What if they could never return to where they were before their kisses? What if this was it, two friends broke up by love. _Love that wasn’t meant to be._

But the feelings for his friend were too strong to leave his heart. As if his heart had planted a flower with love for his friend, and it grew bigger and bigger.

“That’s pampering, Dream,” Karl said after a while of his jokes, “Of course people will vote for Dreamnotfound,”

“Yeah, stop,” George said. His tone was serious. He knew that they all heard it. They heard how the jokes had hurt him. How they meant more than a joke.

Ten more minutes had gone by when Karl ended his stream. They were still in the call, all of them. George was watching as Dream bubble turned green each time he spoke, and he lost more breath each time. He was about to be breathless. A human without lungs. He listed to their conversations, fading out more and more. His organs were fighting him more than he had done earlier. He was about to throw up.

George did not return to the actual world until he heard people leaving the voice chat. The second they had left; George placed his knees to his eyes and screamed in them. All of his body parts were fighting against him, and the lump in his throat was big enough to choke him.

“Fuck this shit” He screamed. The tears were already running down his cheeks, and he was struggling to breathe with each sob he made. Less and less oxygen went through his mouth, and he breathed out more of his lungs than he could get in. The feeling of lack of air made his head hurt, and he felt fire through his veins. He placed his nails in his legs, leaving a hard pain through every sense he had.

He missed him so much.

_He loved him so much._

He loved him with every sense he had, and he felt so numb without him. However, he felt heartbroken when he heard or thought about Dream. He could not win. He was in a forever pain that he could not run away from. This time, he was stuck with the pain. Nowhere to go, walls coming closer and closer to his body where he sat. He was being consumed by the world, and he lost himself. Lost himself in the universe's air.

“I hate myself,” He mumbled, _“I fucking hate myself so much.”_ George threw whatever he could find onto the wall, and he mumbled words to himself the entire time. Hateful words.

“Why am I even alive, I wish I was strong enough to end it all,” George continued to himself, letting the tears run on his legs. They were wet from all the tears. 

He wished he could end it.

The pain.

The sorrow.

The heartbreak. 

Why was it this bad? Why was he this in love?

No one had ever told him how hard and hurtful love would be on a single soul like him. The pain didn’t seem worth it. Why fight for love when it hurt this much? The room seemed to get dimmer with each thought, and the room seemed smaller and smaller. The tears were faster, and the sobbing grew larger.

_“George?”_ A small voice went through his headphones on his desk. He shut up his eyes.

_He was still in the call, and he was not alone_. He watched the screen.

“George?” The voice repeated. The green bubble around Dream light up.

He heard.

_He heard what George had said._

_He knew._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Thank you for the support, I had never believed that over 700 people would leave a like on my story - so thank you very much.


	18. Returned.

George had quickly left the call when he realized Dream was in it.

_How could he be so dumb?_

He felt his entire body melt in a frightening fluid filled with anxiety and embarrassment. George stared at his monitor where Dream sent endless messages with his name. He didn’t explain himself to Dream. He tried to brush it off his shoulders by acting normal around his friends. It had been two days since Dream heard him cry, and it kept George up at night. How he cried around the person who made him feel that way. How the one person he had loved heard his biggest weakness.

_Dream was his biggest weakness._

No matter how much he tried to run away from the feelings he felt, he knew that his only weakness in this world was his friend. However, it didn’t matter how much Dream hurt him; he was still sort of proud of having that sort of weakness. It may sound stupid, but at least he knew that his weakness was a kind person at heart. George would never be where he was without him. They used to fulfill each other. Learn from each other. Be there for one another where it seemed like time stood still. Dreams happiness was Georges, and Georges was Dreams.

It hurt him, knowing that that may have been gone. They would never share another genuine laugh, maybe they would never see each other again. The safe feeling of the three friends would be ripped apart, and it wouldn’t only hurt George, it would hurt everyone around them.

Perhaps the kiss took away the ability to have a friendship, and if they could not be lovers, or friends –what could they be? Two content creators being in each other’s company. Nothing but someone that gives the other one some likes and views? Someone that never speak before another video.

Maybe they would be nothing at all.

And maybe that was for the best.

George didn’t know how he could ever look at his friend again and not think of the intimate moments they had shared. He could not look at him without seeing the pink in his lips, or the stars in his eyes. Without melting by his laugh or smiling at his jokes. If his brain couldn’t ever forget how he had once viewed Dream, could they ever go back to before? Before their long looks, before their kiss and their touch.

Even though Dream had heard George, they had spoken normally on others stream where they both appeared. Like nothing had ever happened. But as soon as they left the calls, he tried to reach out.

But George didn’t give in.

He was too afraid to talk about how he was. How he had cried himself to sleep and how he hadn’t seen the sun in days. Dream already knew that George was in terrible shape, but he didn’t know that George was ripped into a million pieces. As a car in a terrible car crash. No way to put it back together and the only choice is to let it be destroyed and never look back at it again. Dream could not know about the marks George had left from his nails on his skin, or how his skin had swollen around his eyes from all the tears he had cried.

Sometimes, it is even worse showing the person who hurt you how much they actually hurt you. As if you are afraid of hurting them back with the pain, they caused on you. Afraid to hurt the one that hurt you. Perhaps George cared too much about Dream, or maybe he didn’t want to be more hurt himself.

However, Dream hadn’t texted him in several hours. Which was both a good thing, but also seemed dull. They hadn’t talked for a month, but once they did; George craved for his attention again. Seeing his messages and hearing his voice. He didn’t admit it to himself, but the reason he joined his friends during games and streams these past two days was to have the slightest chance to listen to his voice again. Hearing his breathing against his microphone and his lips moving close to it. Laughing at what he said, trying to be as quiet as he could so he wouldn’t notice.

Another part of George wanted to answer his messages. He wanted to talk to him for hours and to sit with him doing nothing. As if a part of him couldn’t handle himself without Dream. He was not whole without him. He was weak. It felt like Dream was a battery giving him energy, but now that they didn’t speak, he couldn’t change his old one. He had to live on the spare energy he had left — trying to get as much power out of one old and worn-out battery. He just wanted the feeling of extra energy, but he had never felt as weak as he did now. His bones felt soft, and it seemed hard moving.

George met his mother in the kitchen. They had talked a bit more after sharing his emotion, and the two of them felt somehow closer than they had ever done before.

“I will be out for a few hours today,” She said as she placed a plate in front of George. The potion was bigger than he could eat, but she told him she didn’t care as long as he ate some bits. “If that’s okay with you,”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Mom,” George answered while he was playing with his food. The fork was dancing on the plate, trying to avoid the food on it. Still, he went for some of it.

“I know you don’t. Just telling you in case you had planned something for today,”

“Nothing planned,” George mumbled. His mother messed his hair up with her hand and sat down next to him to finish the dinner with him. They sat in absolute silence until both of them had finished. George placed his food in a container in case he wanted it for later. Even though the chances were slim, he knew that his mother felt safer knowing he had at least thought about eating.

George watched as his mother left the house. For the first time, he enjoyed the surrounding silence. He sat down in the living room, playing a show for background noise while scrolling through his phone. He tried to be more active to avoid more suspicion around his mental health. He had already seen several tweets where people tried to figure out why he had been so inactive for a long time. All from suspicion on new content to his health. It made him sink, knowing he had nothing to provide for them after being away for so long. At the same time, he didn’t quite know what to make without his best friends by his side.

_Or whatever he could call Dream at this point._

He continued watching his timeline before he got a message from his friend.

**Sapnap**

_You home?_

**George**

_Yes._

_Why?_

The knocking on his door startled George, and he lost grip on his phone from the small jump his body made. Was Sapnap here? He stood up slowly; as if he was afraid that the person at the door would rob him. Perhaps it was just bad timing compared to the text. There was no way his friend was there, right? He opened the door, and he was right; it wasn’t him. George’s heart sank, and he watched the figure in front of him. His lungs were already fighting for air and his veins had shrunk. He felt his hands shaking, and he had to hold one of them to control it.

“Dream?” George’s voice was shaking while watching the tall person in front of him. Dream’s hair was messy and the dark circles around his eyes were even worse than the last time he had seen him.

Dream didn’t answer, and he stepped into the house without an invitation.

“What are you doing here?” George asked. His breathing gave away how much he was struggling for oxygen.

Dream stood in front of George, and the annoying look on his face made George even more worried. Dream took one of George’s wrist, holding it hard in his hand. He shut his eyes up at the grip around his wrist.

“What I am doing here?” Dream whispered, he looked straight into his eyes. It felt like he was trying to see into George’s soul, “You talked about how you wanted to die, I heard you cry, and you ignored me right after,”

George tried to move his wrist out of the hard grip, but it seemed impossible.

“Please let go,”

“Have you any idea of how worried I’ve been for you, George?” Dream ignored George’s demand, “You haven’t spoken to me in a month, and right after we spoke for the first time you told me you wanted to die,”

“I didn’t tell you I wanted to; I didn’t know you were there.” George spat back.

“But I was,” Dream answered, “I was there, and I heard. I’ve been trying to reach you for over a month, but you never answered.”

It struck George how he had blocked Dreams number.

_He had tried to reach him._

He felt weak where he stood in front of the person standing in front of the person who hurt him. It felt unreal that he stood in front of him again.

“It would have been better if you just told me you hate me at this point,” Dream continued. George’s heart sank by the comment.

“I would never hate you, Dream,” George said while continuing the look they had in each other’s eyes. He had missed the ocean in his friend’s eyes. He had missed seeing them. Missed the touch from his friend and missed his voice up close. He spotted Dream letting a few tears down his cheeks. George removed them with the hand that wasn’t stuck in his friend’s hand.

“I should never have done the things I did to you,” Dream sobbed, “I should never have made you feel that way. You have every right to hate me,”

“When will you understand that the reason I ignored you was that I love you?” George said. He felt the tears pressuring in his eyes and seeing his friend cry made it even worse. They didn’t break eye contact once, no matter how many tears were running down from them. “There is no way I would hate you,” George whispered in the sorrow.

“You want to be gone because of me,” Dream’s voice broke in his words and more tears slid down his wet cheeks. George resumed removing the tears that slid down the cheeks, and Dream had let go of his wrist to remove some himself. He let his tears escape too, and they were both standing on the wooden floor, filling it with salt from their tears. George had to struggle for his breath more than he wanted to show his friend, and he felt his throat close in. As if the oxygen didn’t want to go down it, choking him slowly on the tears from his eyes. Drowning in the sorrow he had felt for days. He wanted to be gone because of Dream. But seeing the pain his friend felt was heartbroken, and the air seemed slimmer than it had ever done before. No matter how much he had been hurt by Dream, he would never wish pain upon him.

“I—” George's voice was too shattered to form a sentence, and his breath was too weak to find the words. His heart was pumping so hard and his veins had never throbbed this hard. George felt the need to sit down, and he was afraid that he would fall if he didn’t. Dream placed both of his hands around George’s waist, slipping both of them down on the floor. He had taken notice of how unbalanced George had been.

“George, please breathe,” Dream said, watching how he was struggling for breath, “Follow my chest,” He added. George placed his eyes on his chest, following the breathing his friend made. Copying how long he was holding the breath in. The more oxygen George got into his lungs; the more tears escaped his eyes.

“I’ve—” George cried, “I´ve never felt more pain than I did when I saw her.” His heart shattered, and he forced himself to look away from Dream.

“You do not know how much I feel for you,” George continued, “I have never felt this for anyone.” George placed his head on his knees. He felt Dreams hand on top of them. The warmness he had once felt by the touch was still there. And even the slightest touch made him warmer than any sunlight could ever make him.

“I shouldn’t have brought her home,” Dream defended.

“And I shouldn’t have expected feelings in return,”

“They were,” Dream whispered, “I returned them,”

George looked back into Dream's eyes. He had stopped crying, but the tears on his cheeks had made them still wet. George had shut his eyes up at the comment. If he returned the feelings, why didn’t Dream do anything about them? Why would he let George be this hurt? George wiped out some tears he had in his eyes. They were closer than any of them had expected, and they could feel each other’s breath.

“Then why did you leave me at that party? Why did you bring her home?”

“I was scared once I realized what I felt for you, George,” Dream placed one hand under George's chin, lifting it so they could see deeply into each other’s eyes. “I thought maybe she would make me less scared, thinking I only was desperate for some human contact but.” Dream went silent while watching George’s eyes. They drowned in the ocean in their eyes that they had made from all the tears they had scared.

“But?” George asked in a whispering voice.

“I was desperate for your contact,” Dream answered.

A new sort of warmness ran through George’s body, and it felt like every vein in his body was on a fire that was burning from the inside. It made his skin warm and his blood boil. It went quickly before the warm blood reached his cheeks. George placed one of his hands on Dreams chest while keeping eye contact. They had never looked more deeply into their eyes like they had done now.

“What does that even mean?” George asked, his breath flew onto Dreams lips, and he felt breathing in return. He had missed the warmth by Dreams breath so badly that it felt unreal feeling it on his skin. He never had thought that he would get this feeling back.

“I am returning feelings to you,” Dream muttered, “Considering that you want them returned?”

George found himself speechless, and it felt like he had swallowed the ability to speak, or even form any words. Had he forgotten how to speak? Had he forgotten his language? George reached his hand out to Dream, and Dream took it. They braided their fingers together and squeezed the skin to each other’s palm.

“I do,” George said, squeezing Dreams hand harder.

Dream placed his hands once again on George’s waist, pulling him closer. He lifted him off the floor, placing him on his lap. George wrapped his legs around Dreams´s waist and placed his hands in Dream's hair. With the lift of the lap, George and Dream had the same height. Dream stroke his hands on George’s back, trying to pull him even closer than he already was. The texture of the hard wooden floor felt somehow more comfortable than it should have. It might have been the rust in their blood or the comfort from the lap. However, it did not matter at this point. What mattered was the warm breath on each other skin, feeling their hands on each other’s body. Dream moved his hands over the end of George’s shirt, slowly putting them under it, feeling the skin on his back. George flinched by the cold hands on his naked body, but they turned warm against his skin. They were studying each other with their hands, keeping their eyes locked on each other. The breathing became heavier, and the touch became more desperate.

“I´m sorry for the things I did to you,” Dream breathed.

George softly put his lips on top of Dreams, feeling the wetness from their mouth form together. Hundreds of sparks went through George’s body, feeling the butterflies fly in his stomach. The kiss felt more real, more sincere than any of their kiss had ever felt. This time, Dream let George lead, and he followed the movement of his lips. Letting their lips dance in a symphony that had the most perfect melody that would move any soul in the world. It felt like the darkness that had consumed George’s surroundings went lighter from the light in Dreams touch. It felt like the sound of rain or the crackling in a fireplace. The perfect symphony of sensory, of both sound and sense. The feelings of wet rain during a hot day and warmness from the fireplace. All the emotions in one place. Around two friends.

Or…

_What types of friends return their feelings?_

Dream removed himself from the kiss, placing one hand at his face, stroking his chin with his thumb. Dream placed his lips against George’s chin, leaving marks on his face. The hand on his back supported him and kept George in the perfect placement on his lap. The sweat on their bodies spread, and the temperature felt like a hot summer evening. Soft moans left both of their lips, letting each other know they had craved and missed this type of moment. The moments where they are left alone in the universe. George squeezed his hand in Dream´s hair, giving in more sounds.

Once again they removed themselves from each other, feeling their excitement rise with the temperature.

“Please come back home to us,” Dream whispered _, “I want you every day,”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.
> 
> I figured you deserved some fluff after 4 chapters of hardcore angst :)


	19. Her.

George stood in his bedroom while trying to figure out what to bring back to the apartment. He brought nothing when he left Dream and Sapnap that day, but he figured he could bring some clothes back. One day ago, Dream stood in front of him, telling him how he returned feelings. Twenty-four hours of butterflies in his stomach, refreshing the kiss in his head all the time. Thinking about how happy he was while they shared the wetness on their lips.

_However, the moment disappeared._

He wished he could enjoy thinking about the sensual kiss they had shared on his cold wooden floor, but he could not. The feeling of mistrust chewed on George’s organs so hard that it felt like they were about to collapse. He had been here before; a situation where he thought Dream and he had something special, but it was ripped from them all the time. What if this would be the same? Perhaps Dream told him he returned feelings to get George back. Did he like him? It had been a month where they did not talk; how could Dream figure out that he liked him if George was not in his presence?

George rubbed his hands in his hair, trying to lay it comfortably. Dream had stayed at a hotel nearby, and the flight left in five hours. Giving George some moments to gather his feelings before he had to face him again. George wanted to forgive him, and he hoped the kiss they shared made him feel sort of safer and sure about the intention Dream had, but it did not. It made him more confused. He had trusted Dream before, and he brought home a random girl Dream barely knew.

Still, George never told Dream he forgave him. Was it possible to share feelings, but not forgive? Was it possible to forgive?

Somehow, it seemed impossible to forget the feelings George got when she stood in the hallway. Dream had the chance to bring George home. He had the chance to give in to George, but he did not. He found someone after their kiss and brought her home instead. Was George not good enough? Perhaps he was not. Dream was never George’s at the point where he brought home the girl, but when they shared feelings as Dream said, didn’t that make them each other? Each other in a way that was not official?

Or maybe that was a twisted way to look into it.

Still, if Dream had known for a while that he returned feelings, why would he tell George a month after living in a dark room. After having the feeling of drowning in his tears. Why wouldn’t he tell George before? Dream told him it scared him once he realized what he felt for George, but what did that mean? What was he scared of? Was it the fact that he was a man, his friend, or that George was never Dream´s type in the first place? The girl in the hallway was completely different. Apart from gender, she had every aspect that George did not have. The confidence she was carrying was nothing George felt remotely close to. George had seen Dream talk about women before, and none of them had any shared aspect to George. Was he even Dream type, or was this all a new form of being played?

George had Dream in his palm; he had the chance to get his major crush back with simple words and touch, but he couldn’t close his hand and lock Dream in. He was close to his biggest desire, but his heart was screaming to run away. Never look back. Close his bags and leave before Dream could get to him. Going somewhere no one knew. A place no one had never been.

George sighed as he placed some clothes in his bags, looking around in the room he had filled with tears and screams. He looked over at his bed, thinking about all the hours he had spent in it thinking about them, and the girl in the hallway.

“What are you thinking about?” George’s mother placed her hands on his shoulders. George stared at the thin air while feeling the comfort in his mother’s touch.

“Him.” George sighed as he sat himself down at the bed, “I wanted the feelings returned so bad I screamed for it, but now,” George continued. His mother joined him at the bed, placing one arm around his shoulder and pulling his head on top of it.

“Are you feeling doubt?” She asked. Her voice had never been calmer as it was now.

“I want him so badly, mom. I have never been more interested in someone as I am now, but he ruined my trust,” George explained. His mom moved her hands comfortingly for George, making him feel listened to. “But I kissed him, I feel like he already thinks I forgave him.”

“You have to build up the trust George,” She assured, “If he made you wait for his feelings for months, he can wait until your trust is back,”

“What if he gets bored with waiting?” George asked, and George felt her eyes on him.

“Then he isn’t worth it,” Her tone was serious. Almost lecturing. However, it remained as calm as it was before.

“I felt so certain after the kiss, I felt like I had never been hurt by him and that I could have forgiven him at that point,” George mumbled, “But now forgiving him seems so far away,”

“The kiss was no way of forgiving, George. You can still love someone, even if they break the trust. You wanted him, you still do – but you have to trust him before you tell him you are his,”

“How do I trust him again?” George asked. When he was younger, and his trust had been ruined, he had cut contact with them. This time it seemed different. He wanted Dream in his life, even if he had broken the trust. But he had no experience with gaining trust in someone that had broken it before. All he knew was running away from his problems.

“It is teamwork,” She removed George from his shoulder and forcing eye contact with him, “But if he is as great as you explained to me, I am sure you will get there one day.”

—

George sat next to Dream at the airport, waiting for them to board. The plane had already been delayed once, and the texture on the chair irritated George’s skin. George watched Dream in his peripheral vision. His hair was ruffed up after being frustrated by the delay, and he was scrolling through his phone. They had lost interest in talking after being annoyed, and it seemed better to not make the situation worse. George was thinking about his conversation with his mother, and how they would have to work to gain trust back, but George was afraid to talk about it with Dream. What if he already felt like George had forgiven him? Dream seemed to feel bad about the things he had done, so forgiving him so easily should have been something Dream wouldn’t believe.

George opened his playlist and scrolled through it to see if he could find anything to listen to. After two minutes of not being able to find something for his mood, he let his phone decide for him. George felt exhausted by waiting, and he already felt his eyes getting heavier. Dream seemed to get more tired too, considering that he had placed his head in his palm, pressing his cheek on his skin. He felt the side of his mouth go upwards while studying how cute his friend looked. However, the burning feeling while looking at his friend was unbearable. It was the fact that his love was right by him, but it was hard for him to forget what made him leave America in the first place. George exploded with the confusing feeling of wanting someone but wishing that certain someone was nothing but a terrible memory. It made his heart sink thinking about it, and he felt his blood turn cold the longer he looked at his friend. It felt like a bad hungover; the feeling of never wanting to drink again, but chugging a bottle one week after. Then the next day goes the same way, and you end up in a bad circle. A circle that is impossible to get out of, no matter how much you want to.

They both felt the air flew out of them when they got the message that they delayed the flight until the next day due to fog. George placed his head in both of his palms and used his knees for support. As if the day wasn’t bad already.

“What the fuck do we even do now?” George mumbled into his skin, feeling them vibrate with his lips. The frustration made him lose the happiness he had left. George looked over at Dream who smiled back at him, “Why the fuck are you smiling?”

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad. We just rent a room at a hotel and leave tomorrow,” Dream said, giggling at his friend’s reaction. George rolled his eyes at his friend.

“Fine,” George sighed as he jumped up from the uncomfortable chair, “But I´m not spending another minute in this place so we leave now, or I go without you.” George reached for his bag as he watched Dream stand up from the chair. The way he moved gave away how uncomfortable he had been. George laughed at how stiff he looked and got deadly eyes in return.

“Whatever you say, _boss_.” Dream mocked when he stood next to him. The tall figure blocked out most of George’s view. The two friends locked eyes for a few seconds before they returned to reality. George shook his head at the comment, repeating Dreams sentence in a deeper mocking way that Dream had already done. In return, Dream was the one to roll his eyes this time.

-

George laid himself down at the hotel bedroom. To keep it cheaper, they decided to share a room. Considering that they had shared a bed earlier and didn’t want to make a vast deal of it. Dream went out to fetch something to eat, and George had felt quite nauseous to join him, so he stayed in the room. He watched a random show on the TV while thinking about how he was going to talk to Dream about the whole incident. Some part of him was happy they had to spend another night, just so he would have the opportunity to talk, but another part of him wanted to forget about it and pretend like it was all okay. That he trusted him, and that nothing had ever happened. But it was as his mother said, he could not be Dream´s until there was trust between them.

When Dream had arrived with the food, George felt more nauseous than he had done earlier, and it felt like he was about to faint. He loved him so much, that it pained him to watch him with evil eyes. While eating, they were talking about random stuff so George could ease his mind. However, the feeling ate up his appetite, and eating took way longer than it should have. George watched as his friend was doing something on his laptop, and it felt like the walls were closing in on both of them. The air seemed awfully thinner than it was earlier, and the dust in the room was eating his ability to breathe. It seemed like the entire scene was in slow motion.

“It’s been eating me up,” George said, to get Dream’s attention. He looked up from the laptop, locking eyes with him. “Our last kiss,”

“Elaborate,” Dream said while closing the laptop and placing it next to him.

“I am afraid that it made you think everything is fine,” George answered. He removed his eyes from his friend and looked down at the floor. He could hear the sigh from Dream in the room.

“I don´t,” Dream said in a quiet voice, and by the sound of it, Dream moved closer to George. “I was honestly surprised that you kissed me,” He continued. George looked up to find his friend by his side. He looked tired from the day. Or perhaps he was as eaten up by the situation as George was.

“Can we talk about it? The whole returning feelings thing and,”

“Her?” George nodded to Dreams answer. Dream placed one of his palms on George’s thigh. Dream was silent for a bit, as if he was trying to find the perfect words to explain the whole situation, or if he was trying to find the best way to say something so it wouldn’t hurt George more than he already was. His heart was beating fast, and he was afraid that it would beat him to death. Overfill him with blood until his veins couldn’t handle it anymore.

“I had no good excuse to bring her home,” Dream sighed, and George sighed with him, “Not after the kiss we had.” Dream continued to explain how he had panicked after their kiss on the dance floor, and how he had left the party to get some air. When he had arrived, both of his friends had left the apartment. He explained how he was trying to reach Sapnap, but after a while, he had given up.

“I was drunk, confused, and she came to me,” Dream mumbled, “I know it’s the worst excuse ever.”

“Why did you leave? Why did you panic? What did I do wrong?” George sobbed.

“I realized early that I felt something for you, George. Then you talked to me about how you might like men and—” Dream went quiet. The silence was loud around the two friends. As if the universe had stopped vibrating. “You told me at that party that you knew you liked me and how you knew you liked men and I sort of envied you for it.”

George rubbed his eyebrows together in confusion and pursed his lips: “Envied me?”

“You figured it out so fast. I felt like I was battling this huge boss trying to figure out if I liked men or women and you just,” Dream slid one tear down his cheek, “You just did it so fast.”

George placed his thumb on the cheek, following the tear that had slid from his eye. Dream had broken eye contact and looked at the air. It was hard for George to listen to him, knowing the battle Dream was fighting.

“We were constantly flirting, and our kisses were like flowers in a field, but no matter how much I enjoyed them, I couldn’t figure out what I wanted.” Dream placed his head on George’s knees, wetting his sweatpants. George placed his hands in his hair, playing with it. “The kiss at the party was insane, I felt every fucking feeling, and it scared me so much.”

“Why did it scare you?”

“I don’t know how I can embrace liking the same gender, George,” George felt his heart skip a beat by the comment, and he was trying to figure out what he meant. “Every time you figure out something new about you, or something you value - you fit it like a glove. As if you own it. I can’t do that.” Dream explained how he had always looked up to the way George ignored everyone’s opinion, as long as he was certain of what his opinion was. He let no one truly affect him or judge him as long as he liked something.

“You are the most confident person I know,” George said, “How can you look up to me?”

“I am confident with who I am, but I let people affect me. You never do. After that kiss, it was so clear for me I liked you.”

“But you are afraid what people would think,” George answered for Dream and felt his head nod in his lap. “Does it matter what people think if we battle it together? Two persons against a boss is a certain win.”

Dream apologized for how he had led George on several times without giving him something in return, and how his insecurity had stood in the way. No matter how hurt George had been, he understood the situation better in the eyes of someone that was once confused by the same matter.

“I know nothing of this excuse her. I was weak. I should never have done it and I will never do something like that again,”

George picked Dreams head up and looked into his eyes: “The battle was hard for me to Dream; I want you to know that.” George smiled at his friend, and warm eyes were given in return.

“I know I ruined our trust; I will do whatever it takes to build it up.”

The two friends talked the entire night about them, and before everything that happened. About how Dream had felt during the entire time. George told him about the time he understood he liked him back. They shared the most vulnerable moments they had experienced. They had only slept for one hour before they had to wake up, and Dream had fallen asleep on George’s chest. Maybe his mother was right after all: _maybe George was worth waiting for in Dream’s eyes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> I see people worrying about a toxic relationship on this story, and you don´t have to worry about it. It wont be, even if the road seemed/seems like it.
> 
> Just wanted to say something about it in case someone felt uncomfortable by it. 
> 
> But I love when you send me your thoughts!!


	20. Throne.

George sat at their balcony, feeling the warm sun on his skin. The air was colder, but George didn’t care about chilly weather. It reminded him of home. The sun warmed him up from the chilly air. Like ice cubes in a glass of soda exposed to the sun for way too long. Melting on top of the flavor; still cold, but more flavorless.

It felt unreal, the entire experience with him and Dream. It had already been one week since they arrived home to the apartment, and George had spent most of the days trying to give his viewers some content after weeks without a single word. Both of his friends had helped him get out content, and Dream had spent several days in his room trying to help him edit. Not that George needed the help, but he enjoyed the company of his friend. George reached over at the table to get his glass, feeling the cold water down his throat. It was a calm day, no voice outside, and the cars barely made a noise. It was those kinds of days that George admired, watching the sun go down, listening to nothing but his heartbeat.

Dream had been more silent around Sapnap after they arrived home as if something had happened between them after George left. It didn’t seem like Sapnap disliked the silence from Dream, almost like he was used to it. However, the vibe was the same when they were all together. Still, George used to listen for their voices whenever they were in the kitchen or living room, but all he got in return was silent. George wondered if Sapnap knew about Dream´s struggles. Dream was not the type of person to tell what he was feeling. In his defense, he had always been the person to be silent about struggles, and it suited him. Almost like Dream liked the company of his thoughts. George wished he could listen to whatever he was thinking. George had always admired the way Dream spoke. He knew his thoughts must have been interesting. He was like an unreadable book. Like one of those random books you find on the loft, covered with dust and old water damage. Unreadable from all those years being unopened. Still, people usually admire unpredictable things. As if it gives them a sort of excitement that no one can compare to anything else. The rush of not knowing where the next step leaves you. Dream had that kind of effect on people. Especially George. The rush of the unknown in Dream was exciting to George. Hoping he could one day open Dream up to see his thoughts and secrets. It was silly to imagine George being the one that could see who Dream really was, but Dream opened up to George in a matter he never did to anyone else. George was trusted. However, Dream was not.

Their conversation had helped build the primary base of their trust, but George could still not forget the heartbreak. It tore him down if he thought about it long enough, and he still compared himself to her. The random nameless girl that he saw one time and never saw again. A woman he would probably never see again. How could an unknown person have so much power over someone? It was worse standing where he stood when he saw her, as if the spirit of her still stood there, watching the trust leave his body. As a blood pit on a crime scene. Only viewable with UV light. Leaving the detectives unknowing of the crime that had appeared in the hallway. Her killing the last happiness he had left. However, George wasn’t as unhappy as he had been. One week with the constant company of his two favorite people made him see the light in the dim room again. It felt different this time. George didn’t hide in his closet, he rather exposed himself. Exposed his skin to the sun, telling it he is not afraid of a little sunburn, as long as it made him feel good again.

George had thought about how to help Dream in the battle of his feelings. Perhaps if George came out to the world first, it would be easier on his friend. But Dream struggled to tell himself what he wanted; how could he tell the rest of the world? For a long time, it had eaten George up to tell people he liked men. _That he was gay_. But the feeling had slowly faded after days of reflecting on it. He was one of the lucky ones that had both the support of his mother and his friends. However, he had not told the rest of his family. It scared him. The thought of their reaction did not scare him; it scared him making it more and more official for each person who knew. No matter how much he knew he liked men, he was afraid to make it official to the people closest to him. Afraid to remove the handcuffs stuck to a pole of lies. Afraid of being free in a way he had never felt before.

He was not ashamed of who he was. George had never felt more secure than what he did after he knew what he liked. Nevertheless, the thought of telling _them_ was hard. He could tell his entire fanbase and feel good, but he knew that his family was different. Those were the people he had always loved. The people that had made an opinion about George and kept it for years. And George may ruin that opinion. For the better, or the worse. He had thought about telling his fanbase first. Coming out on social media. Allowing him to close the app, not having to see their reaction. But it felt unfair to his family. It felt unfair to not look them into their eyes while telling them.

“What are you doing out here?” Sapnap´s voice made George come back to reality. George turned around to see his friend standing right behind him. He was wearing a blue t-shirt that was way too wrinkly.

“Needed a break from my room,” George answered, continuing to watch the sun as it slowly disappeared. Sapnap placed himself on the chair next to George. The two friends watched each other for a while.

“It's weird seeing you out here again,” Sapnap laughed, but his voice was as calm as the wind.

“I bet. A month was long.” The month George had been gone felt more than a month. It felt like half a year where he was in misery. Half a year with no conversation with his friends. The world kept spinning, even if George’s world stopped.

“Awfully long,” Sapnap added, “Sometimes it seemed like you were gone. As if you had died.” Sapnap looked away from George, something he usually did when he felt overwhelmed. George reached for Sapnap, placing his hand on top of his.

“We haven’t really talked about it,” George said, “How you felt. Maybe there is too much attention on me.” George’s heart sank by thinking about how much attention had been on both him and Dream, leaving their friend in the dark for a long time without talking about his feelings. Sapnap turned back to George, but the shadow from the sun melted away some of his face.

“It felt awful, being in the middle of two of my best friends. I felt bad writing to you, and at the same time, I felt bad talking to him,” Sapnap´s voice cracked a bit in his sentence, but he coughed it away. Scared of showing too much attention. “Not that you answered, but I wanted to talk to you so badly. I’ve never felt more alone,”

“I am sorry, Sapnap,” George apologized, “I should have thought about how you would feel,”

“I wanted to help you, but I couldn’t reach out to you. I was stuck here with Dream and he barely talked to me,” Sapnap mumbled. George removed his hand, placing it in his own lap. He watched as it was laying lifeless on it. “Both of you ignored me as if I was the problem. For a while, it felt like it,”

“I did not know that he did that,”

“How could you?” The hurt in the cracks in his voice exposed how it had been for him, and George felt a lump growing in his stomach by it. Knowing he had hurt his friend, but for weeks he thought Sapnap was okay. But he was not. “You never talked to me. I know why. I´m not blaming you for anything. It was just so hard,”

“What happened between you two? You seem different,” George realized Sapnap took a while to answer his question. It seemed like it was something he didn’t want to talk about. The sigh from Sapnap filled the balcony, and angst replaced the silence from earlier.

“The day you left I-” Sapnap sighed, “I was harsh. Telling him he was stupid and how I would never forgive him. I left looking for you, and when I arrived home he was gone.”

“Gone?”

“He arrived late that night. Drunk as fuck. We fought. I think both of us were worried for you. We both said things we shouldn’t have,” Sapnap finished. He looked behind him to make sure Dream was not there. They had fought over George. “Some days are fine, and we can talk. But sometimes the words are stuck in my brain,”

“This is my fault,” George whispered while looking at the sun that was almost entirely gone. The darkness had taken over the city. Sapnap laid his arm around George’s shoulder, pulling him in.

“Stop blaming yourself for everything, not everything in this world is your fault. Me and Dream can work it out,”

“Can you?” George asked.

“We have been friends for years, of course we can. We were overwhelmed, but we are all together now. It will be fine,” Sapnap smiled to George. The sun was down, and the dim room removed most of their emotion. Sapnap pulled George closer and George laid his head on the shoulder.

“I came out to my mom,” George said to change the subject. He could hear his friend smile bigger than earlier.

“I´m super fucking proud of you, what did she say?” Sapnap asked while stroking George’s hair.

“She didn’t comment on it. _She supports me. She supports me and him.”_

“I knew she would. She is nice,” Sapnap giggled, reminding George that he had talked to his mom for weeks.

“Don’t remind me of you guys talking,” George laughed with Sapnap.

The boys stayed silent for several minutes, listening to the cars rushing by their apartment. Thinking about nothing but the silence in the darkness. It felt like they shared emotion when they sat by each other. As if both of them were safe when they were with one another. George listened for Sapnap´s heartbeat the entire time, hearing how it became calmer in the touch of his friend. Almost like Sapnap had been worried for weeks, and feeling George against him again made him calm. Not knowing that George felt the same way. Few people could make George feel as calm as Sapnap did. The two friends had fallen asleep on the balcony, probably from the fresh air swarming around them.

George woke up alone on the balcony, and the position he had been in was way too uncomfortable. Sapnap had left him to sleep, and when George checked the time, he realized he had been sleeping outside for about three hours. George rubbed his eyes with his palms and watched the outside. Light from the few lampposts outside was the only thing lighting up the streets. The silence was intimidating, and no cars were rushing by. The city was at peace. The blanket over him must have come from Sapnap since it wasn’t there when they fell asleep. The night brought a more chilly air than it was earlier today, and George had to hide under the blanket to keep the warmth. The clock was already past midnight, but he didn’t feel tired at all. As if his body only needed a few hours of sleep to function. George brought the blanket with him and walked inside.

The warmth in the apartment punched him in the face, and he felt his cheeks turn red by the heat. The night in the kitchen was still on, but the shadow of a figure sat in the light.

“Still awake?” George asked as he watched Dream sitting on the kitchen table. George spotted a sandwich in front of him, and George had no idea when he got home. His friend looked back at him, giving him a tiny smile.

“Yeah, I recently came home,” He answered, giving George a sign to sit down, “I see you woke up,”

“Guess I passed out,” George said while admiring Dream in front of him. He had been out with some friends, and he was still dressed from the night. He did not smell any liquor, telling George that he had not been drinking. His tight pullover fit his upper body, showing every minor detail from his body.

“I thought of waking you up,” Dream mumbled as he took another bite of his sandwich, “But you looked too cute.” The warmth from the air mixed with the feeling of embarrassment in his cheeks. Turning them redder than they had already been.

“Shut up,” The embarrassment in his voice gave a deeper smile to Dreams cheeks.

“Just telling the truth. No need to turn all red,” Giggling came from Dream and he had removed his eyes on the food back to George. However, George had to look away to expose more of the redness in his cheeks. Dreams teasing left scars in George’s brain, leaving the words to be heard forever. As a radio that never stops playing the same song repeatedly. George placed his head in his palm to hide from his friend, even though he knew it would expose him further. He listened to Dream as he put the dishes away, but the footsteps stopped as he stood in front of George. The palms were still stuck on his face, forcing George to imagine what Dream was doing rather than watching him.

George felt Dreams hands on his. Removing them from his face; “Hiding from me, I see,” The giggling from his friend was more teasing, more mocking than it had ever been. Dream tilted his head to get every detail on George’s red face, smiling more for each color or redness and pinkness he could find. The more he laughed, the more he felt embarrassed. Embarrassed to be in the spotlight.

“Stop,” George whispered, trying to place his hands on his face again, but Dream stopped him. George moved his eyes onto Dreams, looking into the stars that were in them. A view he could never get used to. Each time he looked into them, it seemed like more stars had appeared. Like Dream stole them from the night sky, leaving George speechless from the two star-filled eyes. He smiled looking at them. The sparks made his entire stomach jump in a way where it felt like he was flying. That he was sitting on a cloud watching the stars. Dream smiled back, forming dimples on his face. The freckles he used to have had multiplied during the summer, and even though it was autumn, they had stayed on his face. Small dots on his nose. Almost like a dot-to-dot drawing that George wanted to stroke his finger over to show the hidden message.

“I love when you get all shy,” Dream breathed, still holding both of the hands in his. George squeezed his fingers around the hands, giving in to the skin of the palms. Feeling the sweat on his fingertips. The wetness from both of their hands forming, leaving them warm and clammy. But George didn’t care about the uncomfortable sweat on his hands, as long as they stayed in in Dream’s palms. More redness formed on his skin, and he was sure that his entire face was red at this point. Camouflaging the small pimples, he had. His skin and his lips had the same color, and he watched as Dream studied it.

“Please shut up,” The low voice on George exposed the rest of his weakness around Dream, forming another smile on his friend’s lips. He felt like his face and brain were about to explode having Dream in front of him. They hadn’t kissed once since they arrived home. They wanted to keep it low-key until George felt better by Dream, but the desperation for his friend had grown for each visit he had stayed in his room. Each time he watched his lips go when he talked about something or each time he watched him as he zoned out. Dream had never been more wanted than he was now. He had never been running in someone’s mind as he was in Georges. He had never been dreamt about as much as George did. Never left touches viewable on someone’s skin as he had done to George. But Dream did not know how much George thought of him at all times.

And George did not know how much Dream thought about him.

_Two men. Deeply in love_. Unknowing of the power they had on one another. Both thinking there was no way that they were running in someone’s mind.

“Make me shut up,” Dream teased in his voice, looking up at George’s face. George closed his eyes to restrain himself from the comment.

_Do not kiss him._

_Do not give him what he wants._

He heard the giggling sigh from Dream in front of him, feeling the breath on his fingertips. George bit the side of his inner cheeks, trying to make Dream disappear from his thoughts, but it was hard when he was right in front of him. Listening for the breathing and feeling it. George tilted his head, leaning it against the wall. Eyes shut, feeling his fingertips squeeze more on Dreams palms. Wanting to dig them into his skin.

_Kiss him._

_Make him shut up._

George opened his eyes again, moving them upwards Dreams body. Studying the muscles through the pullover: “You are unbelievable,” George breathed. Watching the smirk on Dreams face made George roll his eyes.

“Unbelievable?” He said as he placed a hand on George’s face, pulling it closer to his face. George slid his eyes down to Dream’s lips. They looked fluffier than they had ever done, almost like a pillow. A pillow you want to let yourself on to. “What makes me this unbelievable?”

“Y-you-“ George stuttered, “Y-“

“I?”

“You know exactly what you are doing,” George whispered. Dream placed his hand away from his face, placing them on George’s thighs instead. The feeling of his thumb on the inside of his thigh burned into his brain. As if one thumb could touch every nerve he had in his body. George breathed out to let the surprise by the touch escape.

“I don’t,” Dream answered. He moved his hands slowly upwards the thighs, causing George to freeze. He watched the hands on his body, “Tell me,” Dream finished.

“Dream,” George moaned, “I´m not telling you anything.”

“Oh, come on,” Dream said as he squeezed the thumbs further into the skin, “I do not know what I am doing to you.” Dream watched as George gasped by the thumb. George once again shut his eyes, trying to calm down by the touch.

“You just want to hear me say it.”

“Then tell me,” Dream was closer to George, whispering the words in his ear. The feeling of his words went down his spine, going through every nerve he had. Leaving sparks in his stomach and a tingling feeling through his veins. The voice down his eardrum had never been this intense, and he had never felt this sort of excited by a couple of words.

“No,” George tried to convince his voice to be commanding, but he didn’t manage to do it through the gasp of the grip on his thigh.

“George,” Dream fake sobbed, “Why are you keeping secrets from me?” Dream placed one hand on George’s chin, still having the other one tight around his thigh. George placed his hands on Dreams, removing them from his body. Dream smirked at the movements of his friends, leaving more shivers down his spine.

“I´m not giving you what you want,” George teased looking into Dreams eyes, “I´m not letting you win whatever _this_ is.”

Dream placed his lips closer to George. So close that he could feel a bit of skin from it on his lips. Making his lungs scream for him to pull closer. Place his lips on top of his. So close, yet so far. He watched the lips with his eyes, seeing the damp on his lips. Imagining him making them damper.

“Whatever _this_ is,” Dream mocked. “Tell me, George; what is it _you_ think _I_ want?” Dreams words moved with his lips, touching more skin. “Your lips? Your hands on my skin?” He asked. The air between the small gap they had between them became thinner, wetter, and more intense. Making it hard to breathe, turning their breaths heavier and the inside of their cheeks wetter. Veins drumming and heartbeat running in a rhythm that only caused more desperation. “Is that what _I_ want, George? Or is that what _you_ want?”

George had to gasp for more air for each sentence Dream said, making it almost too difficult for him to breathe. The words from his friend were heavy, and the breathing between each word excited George. Hearing him struggling as much as he was. Knowing Dream wanted to kiss him as badly as he wanted, but both of them were on a rope waiting for the other to fall off. Not wanting to lose whatever game they had created in each other’s head.

_Perhaps the game was worth losing._

Perhaps it was worth giving in and kissing him. Giving Dream the advantage he wanted so desperately. But Dream felt the same way George did, and the satisfaction from leaving him with the same feeling aroused George. Almost like they fought to be on top, but George didn’t want to be on top, he wanted to see Dream struggle. Knowing he would let him win, but wishing to see him fight his way to the top of the throne. _Top of him._

“Maybe,” George whispered into his lips.

“Maybe what?” Dream asked, _“You want my lips on yours, George?”_

“You want me to tell you what I want, don’t you, _Dream?_ ” George placed both his hands in Dream’s hair, drowning his fingers in the blonde color. Blending them in. Feeling Dream vibrate through the nerves on his fingertips. “You vibrate for it. Wanting to hear me tell you exactly what I want you to do with me,” George whispered in Dreams chin, placing a tip of his lips on his skin. The roles were reversed. George let Dream struggle for his place, and it made his blood rush through every vein he had. Feeling every inch with an insane amount of blood. “That is _what you want,_ isn’t it?”

“Y-“ Dream was silent from the way he had got to the bottom, how George had turned him around.

However, they both enjoyed it. Fighting for the throne. Dream not knowing George would give it to him for free. _But what is a good fight, if one gives up without trying?_

“I want you. To feel your lips on mine. I want your skin on mine. You on me. Every single inch of you,” George breathed. He felt both of them struggle for oxygen. The lips were almost entirely on top of each other. Both of them digging their fingertips deeper into each other’s skin.

_“But it is late. I should go to bed,”_ George added as he pushed Dream away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heheheheh
> 
> Thank you for reading! You guys make me sob by the nice comments :,)
> 
> I love your support so much!


	21. Dragon.

George woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing on the table next to him. The phone lit up, making him squeeze his eyes to the bright light. It was 6 am. Just a few hours after he had gone to bed. He rubbed his eyes to wake up enough to focus on the reasoning behind the buzzing sound. The name of his friend had covered up his entire black background. George sat up on his elbows to support his upper body. The screen was still too bright to read the messages, but George was too curious to ignore them. The house was quiet, and it seemed like the entire city could hear his breathing. George focused his eyes to see the message.

**Dream**

**_3.17 am_ **

_I know you are sleeping, but I cannot stop thinking about you._

_I should have kissed you before you left._

**_4.43 am_ **

_I just realized that I sounded so dumb in that past message._

_I would not kiss you if you didn’t want me to._

**_5.02 am_ **

_Did you want to kiss me?_

_Forget I asked._

**_6.00 am_ **

_I’m making a fool of myself._

_You are running in my mind._

_Gosh, you will wake up to these._

George opened his eyes wider to see if he read every message correctly, or if it was his tired brain making up stuff. _The stuff he wanted to hear._ Did George want Dream to kiss him? Of course, he did. The thought of his lips was constantly on George's mind. Thinking about pressuring his lips. Feeling them once again. George wanted to give it some time before he gave in to him, showing Dream he was not a toy. Still, it tore him down: not letting Dream in. It had only been a week, but it felt like a lifetime. When his love was standing right in front of him, knowing he could jump in his arms, but his heart was telling him to back up. It was a pain no one can understand.

And it was a pain George caused himself.

_Maybe it was time to give into him, give him another chance._

Even if seven days was considered a short time, it was not for George. Not after seeing his friend for hours. Every time he spoke, his heart skipped more beats. What if it one day skipped too many? Collapsing George in a feeling of longing. Would it save him giving in, or would it torment him more?

_What is love when it slowly kills you but letting yourself love leaves you breathless?_

Is there a way to win love when it hurts you no matter what you do?

He cannot leave him; he can not turn away from him and pretend like he never existed. But what if he will get hurt one more time? What if George let himself love, but it will keep drowning him in endless thoughts?

However, if love is the best emotion humans can give and receive, isn’t it worth feeling some pain? People cry, trying to master a new still. Burning their muscles, fingers, or thoughts by trying to master it. But mastering a skill seems worth it?

Don’t it?

The pain, sweat, and tears forming together in something to be proud of.

Dream was something to be proud of.

_He was._

Was he not?

George opened his phone again, putting in the code to open the messages. Once again, he read through them. Then he let his fingers run over the letters. Perhaps it was stupid, it was something he should not have done. He could have pretended that he was asleep. But the messages would leave him awake.

**_George_ **

**_6.12 am_ **

_Yes._

_I wanted to kiss you._

George regretted his messages, but it was already too late. They were delivered.

_Then they were read._

He watched as the three dots appeared on his screen. He wished he could leave his phone; go back to sleep and read the answer in the morning. But he could not restrain himself.

**_Dream_ **

**_6.12 am_ **

_Did I wake you up?_

_I'm sorry if I did._

_Why didn’t you kiss me?_

Why didn’t he kiss him? Was it to win the fight they had between each other or was it more? Was he afraid, or was it his ego?

**_George_ **

**_6.13_ **

_No, I was already awake._

George lied. The messages had woken him up, but he was afraid that Dream would feel bad if he told him the truth. If it was George, he would have felt bad waking someone up. But it was nothing to make a big fuss about.

**George**

**_6.13_ **

_Why didn’t you kiss me?_

_You had the chance too._

George was not sure what to tell his friend, why he hadn’t kissed him when they had been so close. If he didn’t leave, would they kiss? Would one of them give up and kiss the other? Give into the desperation. Was it too early? Was it the right time? Can you build up a trust without giving him a chance? But George had given him too many, had he not? Or was its room for one more? One more chance without forgiving the past.

George moved his hands to his head as if squeezing his forehead would help him think better. He pressed his palms against the skin, wishing it would make him calm down. That his hands had the answer to every question he was questioning. If only his questions had an answer. But they did not, did they? Every decision laid between George’s fingers, and he watched them slip away. Rolling on his fingers, down the palm, and falling on the floor.

George had never wanted someone as much as he did, but why was it hard giving in to it when he had the chance?

They had all the time in the world to build up trust. Did they not?

If George was worth it, as much as Dream was worth it in his eyes; wasn’t it time to give it a chance?

**_George_ **

**_6.14_ **

_Come to my room._

_If you are still awake_.

George laid his phone on the table, watching the roof. He turned off the sound of his phone. If Dream didn’t answer, he didn’t want to know. Dream had been awake for the entire night; it wouldn’t be weird if he fell asleep before he reached the message. Even though it had only been two minutes since they talked. George placed one hand on his chest, feeling the heartbeat turn faster for each millisecond that went by. What if he didn’t show up? George looked to his door. The sun had shown up, and it lit his room up a bit. But it was still quite dim. The door hadn’t opened yet. It must have been only one minute since he sent that message, he is probably overthinking it. Why had he even sent that text? What did he want?

_His touch, his lips, his breathing on his skin._

He wanted so much, so much from one human being that it seemed selfish. Selfish wanting all the stuff he did from Dream. Love made him selfish. It made him want more than he felt like he deserved. Wishing to see the person all the time, talk to him and touch him. Everything.

Was he selfish for wanting more? For wanting everything Dream could provide to him.

When George heard the door open, he felt his heart jump out of his chest. He watched the door open slowly, and a figure standing in it. The dim light made his face invisible. Like he had no features. George put his back against the wall, sitting up to view his friend more deeply.

“You came,” George whispered. As if he was afraid that anyone would hear him. Dream moved closer to him.

“You told me too,” Dream’s voice was tired, “Was there any reason you wanted me here?” Dream added as he sat on the bed next to George. Dream turned his face to George, and he could see the tiredness in the eyes. George placed a hand on his face.

“Have you not slept at all?” He asked. Dream tilted his face into the palm. Leaning some of his weight on it.

“I tried several times, ” Dream mumbled, “You were stuck on my brain.” George smiled at his friend.

“That is very adorable,” George answered, pushing Dreams head on his lap. He could feel his pulse through his thumb. Dream placed himself in a more comfortable position, leaning more weight on George. George placed his fingers in his hair, playing with it. He felt Dream calm down. “However, I don’t want to be the reason you cannot sleep.”

“How can I not think about you?” Dream questioned. He sat himself up, looking into George’s eyes. “You have been on my mind for so long, and now I feel you slipping through my hand like sand.” George’s heart sank. _He had felt it too;_ George backing away. Him questioning him. “I don’t expect you to forgive me so quickly. It would not be fair. But I have this feeling stuck in my heart that I ruined us too much,”

“Dream,” George said as he signed him to lie down next to George. When Dream laid down, George turned his face to him. He placed his duvet over both of them so they could share the warmth between them. “You do not know how much I want you. But I guess I´m scared.”

Dream placed his hand on George’s waist while the other one laid comfortably on George’s cheek. “Scared of what?”

“I-” George sighed, “What if I lose you? What if you realize you don’t like me more than a friend?” George closed his eyes to remove eye contact. “Getting to attracted to someone is so scary. What if-“

“George, stop,” Dream said stroking his cheek, “There is no ´what if´. If I viewed you as a friend, I would not come to you telling you how much I like you. I know trusting is hard for you right now, but I promise you I won’t leave you,” He breathed. Dream placed his lips on George’s forehead, and the warmth from the lips went through George’s body.

“I am so scared of getting hurt again,” George whispered. Dream pulled him closer to him so George could place his head on his chest. “My heart wants you. My heart is bleeding for you.”

“What do you want me to do for you to give in to your heart?” Dream asked. George looked up at Dream. His voice calmed George down so much that it felt like time stood still. The warmth under the duvet had already formed in his body, and he felt protected by his friend. What did he want Dream to do?

“Promise me Dream.”

“Promise you what?” Dream answered.

“Promise that my heart is right about you. If I give myself into you, will you protect it from breaking again?” George felt stupid for asking, but there was no way he could hold it for himself anymore. If communication was key, he had to spit it out to open the door.

Dream put both his arms around George. Still giving them a bit of air between them. The hands were firm and protective. As if Dream was protecting George from intruders. Even from the tiredness in his muscles, escaping the arms seemed impossible. Dream was a hunter, protecting his prey so much that it was not worth trying. George was waiting for a response, but the silence was comfortable. He was wondering what Dream was thinking about. Was he thinking of a good excuse? An answer to keep him away from any awkward situations. George felt Dreams heartbeat against his chest, and it felt like they were moving at the same time. Following each other. Once again, their bodies turned into one. Veins throbbing together. Breaths escaping, leaving an invisible fog over them. A fog that left small drops on the window. Small drops that ran down the window, leaving a small pond by the end. A pond of love, confusion, and everything in between. His window gathered every feeling in the room, making sure that it could not escape. Forever flying around in the room between the two men. Two friends.

The two…

_Lovers?_

Or…

“George,” Dream began. His voice was lower than usual. But the voice was still calm enough to hear a needle fall on the floor. “I promise I will never break your heart again. I will protect you. I will make you be the happiest I can. I know I have my struggles too, but I will do my best,”

George looked at his friend, feeling the soul from his eyes. This was the first time he had felt Dream giving his entire soul to him.

“I know you struggle with believing me, I guess I played with your feelings before. I swear to you George, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am lucky to tell people that I have you in my life.” Dream continued, “Come to me when you need assurance George, I will give it to you for as long as it's needed.” Dream removed some of George’s hair and placed it behind his ear. Letting him see every feeling George felt. The warmth from the duvet had gone into his veins, and they warmed him up.

“What about you? What about you not being comfortable in your skin? How can you be with me, if you are afraid to show others?” He could see Dream stop for a few moments before he gathered the question.

“We can slay that dragon together, can we not? It is as you said; _two people against a boss is a certain win_ ,” George heard the smile in his voice, and a small smile formed on his face too.

“I mean, I have not slain the dragon fully myself,” George admitted. Well, he had admitted to himself, and the closest people around him who he was. But not to the rest of the people he found deserving of it.

“I am sorry for making you doubt me like you are, but thank you for walking with me until the last boss, George. It means a lot to me,” Dream said as he put his head on top of Georges. Kissing his forehead one more time.

“So, what do you think Dream?”

“About what?”

“Is my heart right about you?” George placed one of his hands in one of Dreams, squeezing their palms together. Feeling the sweat in them. He tingled his fingers between his, pressing them together as if their hand were one. He looked up at Dream. Looking at how beautiful he looked in the small sunlight coming from the window. Lighting up details you rarely see. It was like his skin lit up by the sunlight. Sparkles flying around his room from the whiteness in his skin. Dream placed his hand under George’s shoulder, leaving them in a cuddling position.

“Do you want it to be?” Dream asked as he pulled him closer to George.

George took a minute to answer, instead, he listened to the breathing of his friend. Focusing on it, imagining once again what he was thinking. George wanted his heart to be right, he had wanted nothing more in his entire life. George placed his other hand on Dreams face, feeling the blood in his cheeks. He was blushing. It was rare seeing him blush. As if his skin did not let others see the blood in them. But he felt it. He felt it through his fingertips. Feeling them rush through his skin.

“I don’t think I’ve wanted something more,” George answered. He felt more blood rushing through the skin. “I’d just never imagined me being in love with my best friend,” They both let out small laughs.

“I mean, every relationship has their different story.” Dream calmly said as he squeezed his hand even more. George could feel him get more tired with every minute.

“Then, what’s our story?” He laid his arms around Dream, moving closer to his body.

“Two idiots not knowing they have been in love forever, but when they find out everything gets fucked-“

“Then they have to fight this stupid society norm made up by idiotic people,” George added.

He could hear laughs through his friend’s nose. George moved upwards so their face would be at the same height. He placed his nose on top of Dreams.

“Later they admit their feelings,” Dream breathed on George’s lips, “One of them fucks up big time.” George found comfort knowing Dream admitted to his mistakes.

“Then what?” George asked.

_“I guess we have to wait and see,”_

He kissed George’s nose, forming a smile on both their faces. Each touch felt like water on your skin on the warmest summer day. When your body needs refreshment, and the water leaves you with the biggest satisfaction ever. That was what his touches felt like. A touch that was needed.

“What I know, is that you need to go to bed,” George laughed. Stroking Dreams back, he felt him drifting apart in his arms, feeling Dream lose more grip around his body for every second that passed on the clock.

“Will you let me hold you while I do?” Dream mumbled. More smiles formed on his face. He felt himself melt by the question. Considering that George was a person who liked to sleep alone; falling asleep in his arms was the only thing he wanted to do at this point. To be protected from the demons in his sleep and the dark thoughts in his brain. Perhaps falling asleep in someone’s arms was the safest thing he could do. Be protected by someone he loves.

_Someone that seemed to be his._

“Yes, Dream. _I’ll let you hold me.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for being late, I have an important exam I had to focus on! 
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading. Here is some very needed fluff.


	22. Desperation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: Bit of smut in here;)

George woke up Dream´s heavy breathing. The sunlight filled the entire room. It had to be midday. They had slept away the entire day. Dream trapped George in his arms, and George watched his friend as he laid next to him. He could only imagine what he dreamt of looking so peaceful. His mouth was slightly open, leaving his lips dry. If he only could kiss them wetter. The warmth under the duvet was awful, and it was impossible to get some fresh air under it. They had it wrapped around their bodies, sharing the surrounding air. Dream looked so innocent where he was laying. Sleep swept away every bad thing this man had ever done as if he had never done a single bad thing in his entire life. George placed one hand at his cheek, stroking the skin. He was warm. Warm from the sunlight and the shared air. George removed some hair from his face so he could get a better view of his friend.

_How did he get this lucky?_

Not the fact that he had this guy as a best friend, but that he could watch him be peaceful. That he could sleep in his arms and constantly be in his company. _He found love in a friendship_. How did he get that lucky? George thought about how tired he must have been from all the thoughts in his head. He knew the feeling of constantly fighting against your thoughts. They had exhausted him. He watched Dream as he thought about how this may have been the first time his brain relaxed. _Perhaps he was like George, only being at peace in the company of each other._

He wished he could help, that he could jump into his brain and tell him to embrace himself. Be one with himself and love the skin on his body. The difference between the two men was the fact that Dream never shared his emotion. For all George knows, Dream was struggling more than he already knew. Hiding his feelings away. Locking them into a small box hidden under the bed. Never found by any other. If only George had the key to help him sort them.

It was not his fault. It was the society. That some random, old belief was still in the way of being yourself. Not being the expectation is one of the hardest things to grasp. It had frightened George before. It still scared him. Scared of the people that held unto old believing. People that did not want to grow. People that thought they knew the answer to every question. Thinking their way of thinking was the right one. But who had the power to decide what is the “right” way or not? If Dream every were to be fully Georges, why should he care about what others think? Who in their right mind felt like they had more control over George than he did himself? Thinking they could tell him who to love and who does not. But love is love, right? Feeling of want and being wanted. The feeling of loving someone more than yourself. The primary source of love would always be the same, no matter who loved who. So, if or when Dream was Georges – who was to tell them it was not love?

_No one._

Right?

Knowing his lover was scared, ruined George. Knowing that the words from the people gave him shivers down the spine. Why did love have to be hard? It felt him in a feeling of sorrow he could not explain. Knowing the gray cloud that had been around George had moved to Dream. Eating him up. George needed to gain trust in Dream, but Dream needed to feel safe. They needed to help each other. Be the missing puzzle piece for each other. The light in the dark for each other.

George kept stroking the cheek when he saw Dream woke up.

“Good morning _, sleepyhead_ ,” George mocked. Dream smiled back at him. It was like waking up was not a burden for Dream. Like he was excited to wake up. Dream looked pretty with his messed-up hair and sleep still on his face. Somehow, looking tired, was a hot look on his friend. Dream rubbed his eyes and placed them at George afterward. He did not let go of George, even after he had woken up more.

“Good morning, _George_ ,” George had never realized how seductive Dream’s morning voice was. The tired cracks in his voice went through George’s entire spine, down every nerve in his body. Blood burning from the sensual feeling rushing through his veins. The blood rushed in fast movements. Dream placed George tighter, placing him right next to his body. There was almost no air between them. He could feel Dream's half-naked body next to him. Feeling his skin on his. The heat from his skin carved into George’s body, making it hard for George to focus. Not only did the blood rush from the morning voice, but the feeling of his naked skin made his heart rush. Heart struggling to fill his body with enough blood. The panic in his body when he knew the blood would rush down. They were so close; he would feel it. Dream would feel how much George wanted him. He needed to escape his grip before they would both be left in an awkward situation. He could already feel the excitement growing, and his blood rushing faster than he had expected. How could he not? The person he found most exciting was lying next to him, half exposed. His beautiful skin on Georges like they were a part of each other.

George placed his hands on Dreams chest to push himself away, but the firm grip made it hard for him to succeed.

“Dream,” George mumbled, “Let go of me,” George said as he continued trying to escape his arms. Dream did not ease his arms. Instead, he placed George closer. This time with no air between them. Fully sticking their skin together. More panic, more blood, more skin. He tried once more to push himself away, but the small air made it impossible to place his hands on the chest. George sighed out.

“But you are so comfortable to hold around,” Dream said while squeezing George’s tiny body. He could feel the muscles in his arms wrapped around him. Why did he have to be so strong? George rolled his eyes, knowing the more he relaxed the more blood would rush down. But he knew it became too late. Dream was too wanted and too seductive for George.

“Too close,” George whispered, _“Way too close_.” George himself could hear his breathing turn heavier and he had to gasp for enough air. Nothing he said caused Dream to remove his hands, and he acted like he knew what he was doing to his friend. Perhaps he did. The excitement from tormenting George was one of Dream's biggest flexes. How he kept doing it again and again. Forever leaving George in a state where Dream was wanted. As if every kiss was not enough. It was something in the way they left them; he always let George want more. Torturing him in a forever feeling of desperation. A misery on his body, on his lips. A misery on every single nerve.

“Way too close, you say? _I thought you said you wanted every inch of me?”_ Dream referred to the conversation they had in the kitchen. He felt his cheeks turn red, wishing he could hide them in his arms, but they were locked in a bad placement. Forcing his arms to lie on Dream's waist. The seductive voice was worse than it had been earlier, leaving George with no other choice but to feel the desperation. He knew he was growing, and he could feel Dream feel it too. He wished he could disappear. Escaping the situation. Dream knew George wanted him, but him feeling how turned-on George was by him was a situation George hoped he didn’t have to face.

_At least not yet._

“So, you _do_ want every inch of me,” Dream breathed. George knew what he was referring to. After all, his hardness was against his skin. George rolled his eyes, feeling more blood rush both to his cheek and his junk.

“You are tormenting me,” exhaled, “You are mocking me.”

“No, I am not,” Dream whispered, placing his hand on George’s naked upper body. Brushing his hand around it, feeling his skin. He stopped his movements at the top of George’s boxers before he let his hand slid up again. George kept rolling his eyes at the smirk his friend had on his face. There was no way to escape, however, George did not want to escape either. Still, knowing his friend knew what he did to George annoyed him. Wishing he had the same power over Dream.

The men looked at each other, right into the souls. George had never been this exposed to his friend.

“Tell me, George,” Dream muttered, _“Do you still want me as you said?”_ Dream brushed his lips against Georges, just slightly letting their lips touch for just a moment. Both their heartbeats were running as if they tried to win a marathon. It felt like a workout. There was the heart was beating. Not skipping a single beat, not a single millisecond without the beating. Beating against the chest, as if it was about to carve through the skin and run away from their bodies.

“Fuck you,” George mumbled. The hand movement, the brief meeting on the lips, the teasing voice from his friend made him frustrated. A frustration he had not yet grasped. Not yet experienced around him. Dream placed one hand on George’s chin, pinching his skin with his fingers while the rest kept the chin in his palm. He placed the head slightly upwards, so their lips were almost on top of each other the entire time. Allowing them to feel their lips for each word that was spoken. Making George afraid to speak at all. Afraid to brush them against Dreams without a proper kiss.

“Oh, come on,” Dream said whilst talking on top of George’s lips, “Just tell me, George, how much do you want me?”

“You are such an asshole,” George breathed, “As if you can’t _fucking_ feel it.” Each word makes their lips go closer, and they were on the verge of kissing. However, Dream kept backing away. Just enough for them to not press them against each other. George had already felt Dream grow himself, knowing teasing George aroused him. Of course it did. Him having to be the victim of his enjoyment. Dream continued to brush his hand on George’s stomach, and he moved further down, causing George to struggle more for breath for each round.

“Oh, I do. I want you to tell me,” Dream pressured his fingers deeper into George’s face, leaving their lips even closer. Almost closing the air. They gave heavy breathing that filled the air, living their lips damp from each other breathing. George tried to move upwards to meet Dreams lips, but he once again backed away.

“Kiss me already,”

“No,” Dream answered, “Tell me,”

George sighed in desperation, rolling his eyes. Feeling Dream watch his movement. The sweat from their bodies stuck their skin together more than it had already been, and it felt like they could not escape each other. They could both feel the excitement from each other on their skin, knowing how much both of them wanted it. Irritating George on how he had to give into him before even receiving a kiss.

“ _Gosh Dream._ Fine,” George moaned, “Yes, I still want you _. I want you so fucking bad.”_

When George finished his sentence, Dream removed the air and placed his lips on Georges. Fulfilling the wetness their breathing had laid on them. They both immediately let out sounds as their lips moved together like a well-performed dance. Dream moved his hand from the chin to George’s hair, pushing it slightly backward. Giving him more room to kiss him, and more movements against each other. George placed one of his hands on Dream´s arm, pushing his nails in his skin for a better grip. Dream let more sounds out from George’s hand, causing George to pin them further in. Their tongues kept dancing together while they struggled more to breathe. Dream pulled them closer together with the hand he had on George’s stomach, forcing more sweat to form on their bodies because of the surrounding heat. George could already imagine the fog in his room. How it must have kept his window foggy with huge water drops.

Their kiss turned more intense for each second, and they felt each other growing more. Pushing the desperation against each other. George placed one hand on Dreams thigh, feeling Dream tighten by it. As if every vein in his body shut off from George’s touch. He placed his fingers in the thigh while his friend left moans from it. He moved his hand to the seam of his boxer, placing his thumb underneath it while the rest of the fingers relaxed on the texture. Dreams grip in his hair hardened, and George had to gasp for air from it. The other hand kept stroking George´s stomach, and he moved it further down. Leaving them both stiff from how close each other hands were. George slowly moved his thumb upwards so the texture on the boxer would follow, exposing more skin on Dream's body. He felt him freeze more from each movement he made. The sweat in his palm left trails on his thigh, leaving marks that his fingers had been there. Dream followed George´s hand, and the closer George appeared to his junk; the closer Dreams did. As if they were the same person, mirroring the movements. One moving up, one moving down. Both freezing, but neither of them wanted to stop. They wanted more.

George placed more fingers underneath, feeling more skin on his fingertips. He was so close, yet so far. The sound from their mouth had formed into more clear moans, and George prayed his door was soundproof enough. They removed themselves from the kiss and placed their eyes at each other. Still feeling the skin on their fingertips. Both their cheeks had turned red, both from the warmth in the room and the aroused feeling.

_“I hate how you are so hot,”_ Dream breathed.

“You hate it?”

“I can never get enough of you,” Dream answered before he placed his lips on George’s once again. George flinched by hard and firm the kiss was, causing him to bury his fingers deeper into Dreams skin. Dream placed the hand he had on his stomach on top of George’s boxers, placing his hand on top of his dick. George wanted it, but he had never expected it, leaving him frozen. The movements from the hand made George even more excited, and he placed his hand on top of Dreams. Both stiff, frozen, but yet so desperate.

They grabbed the top of each other’s boxers, pulling them down. Yet again mimicking each other moments. As if they were in a mirror. They broke no kisses, but their moans turned heavier and louder, leaving it harder for both of them to follow. They placed their hands around each other’s stiffness, finding movements that caused the other to give more sounds. George felt his entire body burn from Dreams hand around his junk, and the strokes gave one of the biggest satisfactions he had ever felt. As if Dream knew exactly what George wanted. They had been so desperate for each other for so long, that the moans gave away how both of them were about to finish. However, their movements were so teasing that they had to wait for them. The sweat on their body was growing so much that George knew he had to change sheets after it. George kissed Dream back harder than before, and they both breathed hard through their noses.

As the desperation grew, their stroking became even faster, and they filled the entire room with hormones and noises. It did not matter how soundproof the door was; they were to be heard. George felt Dream grow in his hand, knowing he was about to burst. George felt his blood mix with the tingling feeling of his hormones. His cheeks turned redder than they had already been. His body screamed, and he could feel his pulse on his neck. It felt like they were about to rip apart. Each touch from Dream made it feel like he was flying. Almost like the whole situation was a delightful dream. George kept his stroking until he felt his friend tighten his body, knowing he had reached it. Dream struggled to give more kisses, but he kept going for them. He did not want to remove himself from George. His hand continued while George felt more and more veins bursting. He could feel himself so close that he had to bury more fingers into Dreams skin. After a few more movements, George felt himself relax while his body clenched. The two men gave a few more kissed before they broke it. The redness from Dreams cheek had never shown as it did now. They could not remove their eyes from each other, and George felt shocked by the situation.

George breathed as he laid himself on his back. They were both gasping for air, and the sounds from before were now filled with silence. Their desperation had turned into thick air in George’s room. His heart was still violently beating, and it felt like he had run a mile. He heard how his friend had to fight for air too.

“I can’t get enough of you either,” George said as an answer to Dream earlier. Dream looked at George and smiled.

_They could not get enough of each other._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed it. Thank you guys so much for your support. I am about to hit 1000 kudos and I want to sob. I had never thought anyone would like my work, so thank you SO much!


	23. Different

George rested his head in his arms, sitting on his chair in his room. He watched his screen as it lighted up on the streaming site. George felt his pulse going faster than it had ever done. He adjusted the camera placement, looking into it while looking at himself at the other monitor. George laid his hair differently since it was pretty messed up. He looked exhausted, and he felt his palms sweating against the mouse. For some reason, starting a stream had never been more nerve-racking than it was now. As if he was afraid of his viewers. There was just something about the whole situation. George shared no personal information on his stream, but he felt like he owned them a good “coming out” story. Not that he was planning on doing it yet, but keeping it away from them felt wrong. Like they deserved to know about one of his most personal information. Not that he did, but, it felt surreal keeping it from them. They knew almost nothing about George’s personal life, so why did it feel wrong keeping this from them?

He knew if he told them, people would speculate if there was something about him and Dream, and that made it scarier. Considering that people were already speculating. They had shown up to several streams after George arrived from home, which was almost two weeks ago. Ten days, to be exact. But after every stream, George had seen rumors on several social media. People saying they flirted, and that it had got more intense than it had ever been. Threads of people giving evidence that something between them had changed. Something seemed unusual, they said. George tried not to read too much into it, considering that social media carved scars on his skin. Still, did people notice?

They were acting normal, were they not? Of course, they did not flirt in front of thousands of watches. No other than close ones knew about them, and flirting was something they did not do online. Unless they did not realize it themselves. But then again, Sapnap would have said something. Right? He would have warned them it got noticeable, would he not?

It had been twenty minutes since he said he would go live, and he kept staring at the screen. As if he could not press _“Go Live”._ George moved his head to his bed, thinking about him and Dream in it. They had slept in the same bed for the past three days. It had turned into the highlight of the day. When the sun went down and one of them texted:

_“Tonight too?”_

It was like they could not stop. That it seemed unreal to not share a bed. They tried not to express their sexual tension in front of Sapnap. Actually, they did not involve him in much. He just seemed to be around them. Quiet. As if he was afraid to say something. Perhaps he was. George wanted to talk to him more, but Dream seemed to get in the way. He just seemed more interesting. No matter how bad it sounded. So, during the day, George and Dream tried to not flirt at all. Not around Sapnap, at least. Yet, comments slipped, and answers were made. Hoping he would not care too much.

When all the boys were in their room doing random stuff, George used to grab the pillow Dream used to rest on. He kept it on his lap to smell him. The scent never left the pillow, and it made him focus more. Just knowing that he was around. Thinking about him. About them.

George watched his offline chat spam. They asked for him. Begged, almost. Why was it so hard to start? Were the comments about their flirting running in his mind? Was he scared of it? It did not scare him too much about anyone finding out about them, but he knew it scared Dream. He knew he was afraid to tell anyone. If it wasn’t for them living together, George was unsure if Sapnap would even know. It was the thing Dream was good at: keeping everyone out of his head. Sometimes when the three friends shared air, it seemed like Dream despited Sapnap for knowing. Knowing about them. As if Dream was more judgmental about their relationship than any other human being. When George and Sapnap talked, he seemed normal. Something was bothering him, but he was still there for them. He said he did not care about what they were, as long as they were happy. Then why did the tension between them switch? George knew about their fights when he was gone but had more happened? It seemed like it. A part of the story kept away from him. Like a book with a chapter ripped out, never knowing what happened during the pages. Something seemed to bother both of them. Maybe they agreed to rip the pages out; to never speak about it again. Other times, it seemed normal between them, but it was like a light switch. Something turned the switch on, and they kept it away from George.

_Or perhaps it was all in his head._

George sighed as he pushed his mouse against the website. He breathed in deeper to keep himself on the ground. The viewer count went up, and he watched as the time started. He let a song play in the background before unmuting himself. The comments were spammed, and it was hard to keep up with them at all. More and more people joined the stream, and he felt himself turn duller. The screen wiped away the colors on his face. He loved streaming, but this time it seemed so forced. Like he had to speak for the accusations going around him. What does he say, if someone asks about Dream? He did not want to say the truth, but he did not want to lie. Was he more afraid than he thought? Was it ruining him more than it had earlier? It felt like he wanted to protect Dream, but within it, he ruined himself. Not only did he still feel some sort of mistrust towards Dream, but he ruined himself by trying to protect his love.

However, maybe that was worth it. Maybe putting your love in front of yourself was worth it. Like blaming yourself for something your best friend did, just because you knew their consequence would be worse than yours. Letting yourself hurt to save the other from being broken. Perhaps it made the hurting less painful. That you saved someone else from drowning by letting yourself choke on some water. You could always couch it up. You could always heal. But you cannot heal a drowned one, nor a broken doll. So maybe, even in pain, it was better to let himself bleed than let Dream break.

After all: love healed the pain. So, if he had to hurt during the day, at least he could heal his wounds while sleeping in his arms. Dream was his drug. Ruining, but healing. Almost like the feeling of a new drink on a night where you had too many. The next drink makes it even funnier, but the day after even worse. A sort of curse you cannot quite run away from because you love it when you stand in it. Letting the curse consume you. Maybe the most important thing was to take care of Dream before he could take care of himself. Putting himself on the shelf for a few days.

George turned on his camera and let the light hit his face. The words ran out of his mouth and the scared feeling from earlier faded with each of them. George opened the game and watched as his character run around on the screen. He watched comments on speed on his other screen, only seeing some words. Sometimes he thought about what they all said, and how many comments he usually missed. George kept running around on his screen, trying to beat the game the fastest he could. The sound of someone joining his call made him stop the clock.

“Sapnap,” George said as he continued his run.

“Hello,” Sapnap said, “Speedrunning?”

“Indeed,” The silence between the two men seemed for George rather normal than not. However, his chat thought differently about it. Something that made George wonder. Wonder if it was something there that he had not yet noticed. George played for a while without them talking much, and after a while – he realized it too. There was something wrong. Something that he had to figure out. When more people joined the call, George tried to notice if he talked to the rest of them, or if he had a quiet day. There was something that bothered him. The stream had already lasted for one hour, and he had grown quieter for each minute.

“Guys, I need to do something. Humor my audience or something,” George said before muting his mic. He put his headset down on the desk. He watched as the figures of his friends jumped around him, wondering what they were saying. It seemed better to end the stream, but it would also be a reason to head back to his room.

George knocked on Sapnap´s door, and he listened for a response. He heard him move his chair from the desk, thinking Sapnap was ready for him to come in. The room was hot, and it seemed like he had not opened the window for days. Sapnap tilted his head towards George, signing that his presence confused him.

“Mic muted?” George asked, and Sapnap nodded. George watched the monitor, seeing his character on it. He sat down at the bed right next to the bed. “Talk about it?” George asked as he patted the bedsheets for him to sit down. But he did not, he rather sat in his chair.

“About what?” Sapnap asked, “Don´t you have a stream to get back to?”

“I do,” He answered, “I think they can wait. After all, I think they love listening to the others, anyway.” Sapnap watched George on his bed, and George was trying to read his face. It was unreadable. Like a statue with no emotion.

“Why are you here?” Sapnap asked, and he seemed irritated by waiting for any answers.

“I took notice of you acting different,” George assured, “Honestly, my chat did first but then I realized it too. Is there anything you want to talk about?” George saw his friend frown his eyebrows while pursing his lips. As someone does when an uncomfortable question comes up. Or if someone talks about something you hate.

“You took notice of it? There is nothing wrong. I suppose,” Sapnap lied. Sapnap was a hard person to read, but his voice always gave him away.

“I can tell when you lie,” George answered, placing his arms in a cross. George put his phone up while waiting for Sapnap to respond. He looked through his contact so he could find Dream.

**_George_ **

_Need you to go to my room and take over my stream._

_I am dealing with some stuff._

_They will love it_.

George did not wait for a response before he put his phone down, but when he saw his character move on the screen, he knew he was there. Almost like he had waited for the message. Sapnap sighed as he watched the monitor, knowing that George had reached out for him.

“I do not know what to tell you,” Sapnap breathed, “I have no idea what to say to you in a way that will not sound selfish.”

“Selfish?”

“George, I-“ He sighed as he watched the floor, “George, I am happy for you. Please know that.” He looked back at his friend. George felt like he had to swallow an entire ocean while waiting for Sapnap to continue what he was going to say. Had George done something? Had Dream done something, perhaps? Something to hurt his heart. Once again? Was it something George had said? Was it the way he talked to him? Did he forget something? Something Sapnap found important? Maybe George was a terrible friend. It came to his nature, to do something bad. Did it not? Sweat formed in his palms, and he wished it was from the hands of his lover – but it was not. It was made from the feeling of the universe was against him. His palms collecting the worrying he had for everything. Things he could not even control. And now, it seemed like the entire world was looking at him, telling him how much of a fuck-up he was. George had looked past something important, and he knew that. He knew it so fucking much it burned in his chest and ate his lungs up. He was happy for George, but? But what? What had he done to deserve the “but”? The small word that changed a sentence in a heartbeat. The word that makes you question your existence. But what?

“But?” George got from the lump in his throat. Hoping it was nothing special, but knowing it had to be. It had to be something that he could have done something about a long time ago, even so, he did nothing about it. Sapnap sighed as he tried to get the words out. George knew that type of look: something was bothering him so much that he could not hide it. “I have done something, have I not?”

“I would not put the entire blame on you,” Sapnap assured, “Fuck this is so painful,”

“Painful?” George asked.

“I am happy you and Dream are figuring things out. Honestly, George, I love to see you happy. Does he make you happy, George?” George felt his heart jump by the question. Did Dream make him happy? Yes. No one had ever made him happier. He had never felt better. The butterflies around Dream were insane. Like a drug. As if he knew the feeling of getting high. That was the happiness he felt when he saw him. The innocent, but yet so dangerous kind of happiness. The sort that would make you cry for days if you lost it, leaving you in a pit that seemed impossible to climb up from. If it was even possible to do so.

“This is not about me,”

“Does he make you happy?” Sapnap repeated. His voice was calm. Not the question that made you worried, or afraid to answer. His voice was more of a “mom-asking-if-you-alright” type. Almost protecting.

“I don’t think someone has ever made me happier,” George smiled, and his friend smiled back at him. Even though the smile looked forced, it was still comforting to see it. “But I don’t care about how happy he makes me right now. Tell me about you,”

“It has always been us three, you know. Dream, George and Sapnap with each other through everything,” Sapnap´s voice almost cracked, and the only reason George heard it was because it was the same type of crack he had when he spoke himself. The crack that gives you off, even when you are trying not to. “Now, with you guys all in love and shit, you keep me out. You became a duo. I want you guys to be happy. I do. But don’t keep me out of your happiness,”

George knew. George knew they kept him out, but they kept doing it. Not like they planned it, but it became natural. However, at the same time, he did not know. He did not know he kept his friend out as much as he did. He did not know that it had hurt him as it did.

“Sapnap, I don’t want to keep you out of our happiness.”

“Then why? Why do you guys shut me out? What happened to our nights where we all just chilled in the living room? What happened to us chilling together? When did it become only you two?” Sapnap said, and his voice was broken. He could not hide the pain. The pain escaped his mouth. With every word. It ran out. The pain grew in George’s chest, and he knew it did to Sapnap too.

“I have no excuse,” George said, “Not a good one at least,”

“I don’t want a good excuse, George. I want to know if you guys want me to leave you alone,” Sapnap sobbed. No tears ran down his cheeks, but George could see them hiding in his eyes. He imagined how much he wanted to let them down, and the pain he felt holding them in.

“No,” George answered as he put one hand on his lap, “I want you to be here with us. I am sorry for keeping you out. I think we may have gotten too carried away,”

“It is okay that you guys get carried away. For fuck’s sake, you are so in love that it is fucking annoying,” Sapnap giggled, but it quickly faded away. George rolled his eyes at the comment; however, he knew it was the truth. He was in love. “Still, I want you guys. I need you guys.” Sapnap placed his head in his palms and placed his eyes away from George. George took one of his palms, making it impossible for him to hide his entire face.

“I promise you we want you too,” George smiled, “I think I tried to hide us in front of you to protect Dream. It sounds stupid.”

“Dude, all I want is to support you guys. I am the biggest supporter, the biggest shipper even,” Sapnap said. His mood had already turned slightly better, but not good enough.

“He seems so afraid. I feel like there is more between you and Dream than what you told me,” George explained.

“There is not. If he is afraid, let me help him with you? Alright? Just don’t shut me- yo?” Sapnap could not finish his sentence. Something on the monitor took his attention away. Sapnap looked back at George, and his eyes were wider than they had been earlier. George felt a sort of confusion that he had never felt before. George tried to get in contact with Sapnap, but he seemed frozen. Sapnap pressed a button on his mic, watching the screen: “Dream, you are not muted.” His voice seemed stressed. George noticed how Sapnap was still wearing the headphones, realizing that he was listening to the stream. The stream that Dream took over.

“What the fuck?” George said, “Why sound all worried?” George moved to the monitor, watching the chat go crazy. There was no way he could understand what they were screaming about. He felt his pulse throbbing, and he imagined every single thing Dream could have said. Sapnap muted his mic once again, looking back at George.

“He did not mean to say it,” Sapnap said, and George felt his pulse grow even higher.

“What do you mean by that? What the fuck did he say Sapnap?”

“I have no idea what happened before he said it, I was not paying attention,” The more Sapnap talked, the more annoyed George found himself. Why did he take forever to spit it out? George watched the monitor as the stream ended.

_What the fuck was going on?_

Dream had ended George’s stream and the offline chat was going even crazier. George moved his head to Sapnap´s door, seeing Dream stand in the middle of it.

“George?” Dream asked as if he could not see George sitting on the bed. George kept his eyes at Dream, trying to read his face.

_Again, what the fuck was going on?_

“Why did you end the stream? What the fuck did you say Dream?” George asked in frustration. It was like his friends tried to keep it away from him. Sapnap and Dream looked back at each other, and George watched them as they locked eyes. He heard Dream sigh. Did time stand still? Was that why they said nothing? Did they lose their voices? Was he going crazy? Was it all in his head?

_What the fuck was going on?_

“They might know,” Dream breathed. George tilted his head against Dream. He felt the room close in, and his breathing became unstable.

“Might know what?” George said. His voice was shaking, and he could see the entire room spin for each breath he took. He watched Dream as he hesitated to answer. George looked at Sapnap, but he was looking in another direction. The chat was still going, and George prayed they spammed because they think something happened to his computer – not by something Dream had said. That they thought the stream lagged and he would join soon. What did he say, and why did they take forever to say it?

“About you,” Dream mumbled.

“What about me?” George asked. He could already feel himself drown; he was losing it. He was afraid that Dream would answer the thing he thought he would answer.

“That-“ Dream whispered, he looked at George. They locked eyes, and George could see his eyes turn waterier ** _. “That you like men,”_**

George breathed out his last breath. Or that was what it felt like. His lungs giving up, pushing the last air out of his mouth. His hands were already shaking, and he wondered when they would go down with his breathing. Could he function? Was this his goodbye? His last breath?

_They might have known. What did that even mean?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! We hit over 1000 kudos, thank you so much!
> 
> I am sorry that some chapters take forever to be posted! Thank you for being patient.


	24. Boyfriend

The room was dark. In reality, it was not. But it felt like it. Darkness flying around in a room filled with the sun, consuming the small heart in George’s chest. For some seconds, it felt like he was alone. No one else in the room. As if everyone on the planet had disappeared. Almost like the world was nothing but a fantasy, and every human George had ever met was just his imagination. Sapnap and Dream, just something he had made up to survive whatever planet he was really on. Perhaps George was nothing but fantasy too, and that his thoughts were just a combination of atoms in the air, flying around.

And that was what he wished.

That Dream telling the stream that he liked men was just a fantasy. A terrible, fucked up fantasy made up of flying atoms. But then his friends appeared from the dark, and he saw them. Every detail on their face. Then he knew; this was not a fucked-up fantasy. This was a fucked-up reality. A very very fucked one. Because, if Dream had told them by a mistake, that meant he had taken away George’s opportunity to do it himself. Almost like a superhero movie, but the hero saves no one. It was just a random local saving the city by mistake. Just by pressing the right button hidden in a sketchy backstreet. That either sounds like the most boring superhero movie, or perhaps the best. All he knew was that he could not do it himself. The secret was out. Flying around in the breeze, and most likely the internet too. Leaving George in a position to do nothing but watch the audience clap over something he did not admit to himself.

How does someone fuck up that badly?

“What do you mean by _´they might know´_?” George asked. The frustration was bigger than any emotion that had ever surrounded them. It was scary that one emotion could be that big. Filling the entire room, and he knew that everyone in the room had felt it. Dream was scared. Or was he stressed? Maybe both. But by the look of his shaky hands, and how his lips moved up and down fast, George knew he was affected by the situation. He was pale like someone had thrown a snowball in his face. He looked sick. Dream looked terrible. Showing too much emotion was a grim look on him. And he usually never looked bad.

But guilt made him look so sick that George was about to get a bucket he could throw up into. Or maybe it would have been better to watch him throw up on the floor, leaving his guilt on the floor for everyone to see. Maybe George would laugh too. But Dream meant more than laughing at his pain. This hurt him. His mistake hurt him. And George did not even know how the mistake was made.

“I am sorry,” That was all Dream could say. Not a single explanation. Just sorry. And weirdly enough, it calmed George. His surroundings were burning, but hearing the regret made him calm. George could not remove his eyes from Dream, and he got paler for each second. Or that might have been George going insane.

Because he might have gone insane, right? Because there was no way he could get calm from a situation that could not have been worse. His veins were on fire, but somehow, he could breathe. Somehow, the dark was gone. Because the pain in his friend was worse than the pain George felt. Perhaps it was Dream feeling terrible, or maybe it was him being scared that everyone would know about them?

But what were they?

_Friends?_

_Boyfriends?_

What was Dream for George?

What was George for Dream?

Sapnap moved his monitor to George, removing the headset so the sound could surround the room. He was listening to his stream, meaning Dream had not deleted whatever comment he said. He could see Dream from the side of his eyes. It looked like he was about to faint. Fall on the floor and never come up.

George reached for Dream´s hand, and he felt his eyes on his neck. But he did not turn around. The hand was rather a “hey dude, I might kill you after this but calm down” type of touch. Dream wanted to remove his hand, George felt it, but something made him stay. Gripping the hand, as if it was the last time, they would hold hands.

_“I bet you regret letting George move in with you,”_ The voice of Karl surrounded the air. The characters were moving around the screen.

_“Why would I?”_ Dream answered.

_“Must be annoying seeing him have a new woman in his room every week,”_ Karl was sarcastic, he was clearly joking. The entire world could hear how he was fooling around. Even the laughter from the background made the comment a joke. Maybe a poor joke, yes, but a joke. But something in Dream must have seen past that. Something in him either wanted to joke back or to sound like a fucking moron. He did.

_“This man does not even want **women** in his room,”_ He sounded like a fucking moron. He sounded like an idiot, not only because of the bad comeback but because he did not even try to hide the truth. His voice had never been more truthful, and the way he said women made shivers go through George’s body. It was clear. Dream did not joke back; he meant it. The comment was not a _he-wont-leave-his-room-to-find-women_ type of comment, it was a _he-don't-like-women_ type of comment. His entire voice admitted it.

They might know that he likes men.

Even an idiot would think that now. The voice, the comment, the pressure on the ´women gave it away. George liked men. He does not women. The way the chat was spammed was living proof that Dream could not hide the truth in his voice.

_“Dream, you are not muted,”_ George closed his eyes to Sapnap´s voice, curling his eyebrows to the comment. George had thought Dream might have responded badly to a comment or a donation, but he had answered Karl, knowing everyone would hear. Knowing he was not muted. Or perhaps he thought he was muted on stream, but not in their call. But that was wish-thinking, was it not? He did it. Something in George felt like he did it on purpose.

“Did you think you were muted on stream?” Sapnap asked, almost like he had read George´s mind.

“No,” Dream admitted, “I knew I was not,”

“Then why would you say that? Dream, your entire voice outed George,” Sapnap said as he crossed his arms.

“Do you think everyone heard it?” Dream needed assurance, but he would not get it. He knew they had. The secret was out. The first hit on the dragon was made, and George had not made it. George wanted to feel more irritated, he wanted to feel madder. Wishing he could punch Dream in his face. But he did not. He lost his chance to come out the way he wanted it, but the damage was done. Like a plate crushed on the floor, no way to put it back together.

And how mad can you be about a broken plate before you buy a new one?

“Yes,” George mumbled, “They did,”

“What if it’s just because we know you like men? Maybe we are being overdramatic?” George still had his hand in Dreams, and he pulled it to make him sit down. Mainly because he was worried he would fall any second. The regret was too big for the situation. Maybe it was not that bad. Then it struck George that he was more afraid that anyone would find out about them, than them knowing about George.

And perhaps this gave him a way to tell them. A terrible way, perhaps, but a way.

And maybe that made the first hit on the dragon the perfect hit: now he had to finish it.

It scared him; it was a wicked lie to think differently. But was he not going to do it, anyway? Take the first hit someday? You cannot kill a monster without hurting it.

“Timeline is telling me differently,” Sapnap said. He was angry. Not the type of anger that could hit Dream, but the worrying type. He worried for both of them. He could feel Dream’s sign on his neck.

Perhaps it was dumb to not get angrier at Dream, perhaps he was the dumbest person in the entire world. But he loved him. Very much.

“I took it away from you,” Dream mumbled, “I took one of the most important things away from you.” George moved his eyes on Sapnap, and again, he was worried. The water in Dream's eyes was dripping down on the floor.

“Maybe you did,” George said, “Maybe you took away my epic coming out story. Maybe you fucked up. Honestly, I’m too numb to tell you how I feel, but at least I know you are more important overall.” And it was the truth. Dream was more important than anything. Which was why George could not stay mad at him. Not only was Dream George’s first genuine love, but he was also the first man that he had felt comfortable enough with.

Although George’s “epic” coming out story would most likely be a tweet. Not anything epic. Not a picture on Instagram with the pride flag behind him with a caption. No video on YouTube, or a serious moment on stream. A plain tweet. But maybe that was as good as it could get. Because George was never the type to raise his hand in class to yell the question or the person who would argue with someone, even if he knew he was right. He was always the one that did the simplest things out of every situation. And sometimes he used to hate that. Hate the fact that he was too simple to do anything major. But he had good points in his head, he just did not want the attention.

But then Dream came into his life. Years ago, he came into his life and embraced every idea George had like they were made up by the smartest person alive. So sometimes George felt good about being simple. Because simple seemed to be good for some people. That was also why George did not feel anger against him, because Dream had done more to him than he had ever talked about.

So, a simple tweet would do the trick to his “epic” coming out story. And maybe that would have been good enough. But things seemed different now that Dream told them. Different in a way that he did not know how to explain. Not knowing if it was in a good way or a bad way. Different. The whole situation was overall different. Dream was a man. George was a man. They were in love. And none of them had been in that situation before. This screw-up was bad, but not an “I will never talk to you again,” type of bad. Just bad. Fucked up situation for a fucked-up friendship.

Dream laid his head on George’s shoulder, and the room went quiet. Everyone had to take in whatever the fuck had happened. Where do you go from here? How do you recover from being the straight dude to the gay dude in a matter of seconds? What do you say to them, the ones that are tweeting about it and screaming into their phone about how much this screwed with their head?

Then Sapnap broke the silence in the room, and it felt like George had recovered his hearing. “So now what?” He asked. Now what? Yeah. No one knew. Is there a manuscript on this? A book about what to do if your best friend tells thousands of people that you are gay?

“There is not much to do,” George said, “But coming out myself?”

“What if you just don’t address it?” Which George could do, but that seemed too dull? Too emotionless. Like trying to brush the dust off your shelf, but you can’t see the small dust corns in the corner. Leaving them there to create more dust.

“I think it would just be harder for me,” George whispered. Dream had gone mute, but by the texture on George’s shoulder, he knew he was crying. Silently letting his tears flow with his regret. “I was not ready to come out, but I don’t know if I would ever be.” Dream mumbled a tiny apology after George’s comment. And no matter how hurtful the truth might have been for Dream: George was not ready to come out. He was ready to come out to his mother and best friends, but not the entire world. But now it seemed pointless to hide. He had been exposed, and he had to choose between exposing himself more or hide. Frankly, he was sick of hiding himself from every situation that happened _. That was what he knew best, run and hide._ Now, he could not. Because the monster would run faster and reel him in. He had to have the upper hand. “Dream, I accept your apology,” George answered to the apology. The feeling was weird. He had never said he truly accepted an apology earlier. He did not know if he did it to ease Dream, or if he meant it, but it felt better. Better to accept than to let the apology rot in his head.

“So, you will come out?” Sapnap asked. George nodded. “How?”

“How does one come out to so many people?” George asked, not expecting an answer. He raised his shoulders. “Do I just tweet a ´hey yeah I don’t want women in my room´?” Sapnap laughed. It was the type of laugh that was kind of awkward, but it helped. Honestly, it was a funny joke considering the situation. George looked over at Dream, “I need to do it in a way that won´t expose Dream,”

“But I exposed you,” Dream´s voice was cracked.

“Does not mean I will expose you in return,” George accrued. “There is no reason for me to mention you either. Even though I would love to talk about my boy-“ George froze. No, this was not the time to make this awkward. Dream was not his boyfriend. Sapnap had his eyes wider than they were earlier, and George prayed Dream didn’t notice. “Talk about uhm,” There was no way to row himself to land. He felt his cheeks turn redder, and he forced himself to look away from Dream.

Sapnap cleared his throat, “Yeah. No need to expose him.”

***

George had his phone in his hand, watching the timeline. It was still on fire. It had been two hours, but new tweets were coming every second. He told Sapnap and Dream that he needed some time to think. Not only to think about how to come out, but to calm himself down from sounding like an idiot. Calling Dream his boyfriend before they had even talked about it. Not that he finished the sentence, but it was clear what he was about to say. There was no way Dream had not heard it, even if he did not comment on it.

Still, in George’s head, it seemed to be easier if he could call Dream his boyfriend. So, they could come out without having to stand in line, waiting for their turn to tell the world. If only sexuality wasn’t this complicated. Why does everyone but straights have to come out? It would have been so much easier if he wasn’t pushed into the situation. But he was, and now he had to figure out the best way to deal with it. He had the tweet in his draft, but he could not post it yet. It seemed so unreal. Maybe if he did it right before he went to bed, so he could sleep through the comments.

George rubbed his face, growling at the movements. Why did it have to be this hard? Why did he have to deal with it alone? Well, half-alone. He felt alone. Like he suddenly had to kill this dragon himself. Where was the knight by his side? Where had he gone? Into the pit of regret, he supposed. George looked through his draft one more time, still unable to press post. As if his finger could not move to the button. The air in the room was heavy, but getting up from the bed was hard. He felt sick to his stomach. No longer because his best friend outed him, but that he had to do this way earlier than expected. Not even his family knows about him. Not even his dad. So that was it? Next time they meet over dinner, everyone will have read through the internet about George, and it will be weird, awkward, and just awful. Them waiting for him to explain why everyone knew but them. Even though there seemed to be a while before George went home again, it scared him thinking about it. It scared him they would feel left out.

George flinched by the knocking on his door, and the door opened eminently. It was Dream. He seemed calmer, but the redness around his eyes gave away the pain. George sat up and opened his arms for Dream to come into. George placed his arms around him, pulling him closer to him. He smelled very good. “Please do not think badly of yourself,” George said, “A mistake is a mistake.”

“But it was not the first one,” Dream mumbled.

“And it will probably not be the last. We all make mistakes Dream.”

“This one was bad,” Dream continued, “This one was next-level bad.” George only pulled Dream closer as he felt him trying to escape the hands. Dream reached around George’s waist, pulling their upper bodies together. He pushed George further back so they both could lie on the bed, and they watched their eyes as they breathed in the heavy air. How could one have these pretty eyes? Sometimes they looked animated. It was unfair that one person could look that pretty. George shook his head to Dream and placed his lips on his forehead.

“I will figure it out,” George said as he placed another kiss on the forehead, pushing his head against him. Dream was more relaxed, but his muscles were still tense. “Did Sapnap yell at you after I left?”

“No,” Dream said, “He hugged me, out of nowhere he just hugged me.” George smiled. It was like Sapnap and George had agreed to be nice to Dream no matter what. Although, they felt bad for him. Even if George might have been the victim.

“See, no one is mad at you”

“But you should,” Dream answered, “You should hate me,”

“I would never,” George breathed, “I lo-“ But he stopped. He had told Dream he loved him before, but this time it felt more intense. More real, and he could not say it. This time it would not be in a friendly way, it would be so much more. What if Dream did not feel the same way? “You mean a lot to me,” George said as an escape, but the smirk on Dream gave him away.

“That’s twice today,” Dream laughed, “But I will let it go for now.” And it felt almost more sad than good that he choose to let it go. Like he did not feel the same way, and this was the perfect way to escape the dreadful moment. Maybe he did not feel the same way he had answered none of it.

“Yeah,” He sighed, “Please do,”

“What if we do it together?” Dream suddenly said.

“Do what together?” George asked. But he hoped. He hoped he would say what George wanted to hear.

“Come out,” And their hearts stopped. Or at least George’s did. The universe had given him what he wanted. But he knew Dream was not ready, and that made him freeze. He would not be the one to push Dream to tell anyone. He needed to do it at his own pace.

“You are not ready, Dream,”

“But you were not either, and maybe it would be better to do it together. And I agree with you, it would be nice to talk about my boyfriend.” The heart froze again, but this time it skipped so many beats that it felt like George was going to swallow it. Boyfriend.

He said it. First. He said it first.

BOYFRIEND!!

It must have been a dream, no it must have been a lie. Right? There was no way he heard that right. It cannot be.

George shut his eyes up, looking at Dream. His friend, his boyfriend? No, this is too confusing. This is too much. Everything happened so fast. But it did not feel fast enough. Was it the right time? Was it the right timing? Was he his boyfriend? What about the trust? George must have trusted him a bit, right? Especially since he forgave him for this whole mess. But was Dream ready? That was more important.

“B-boyfriend?” George stuttered, “M-e and you?”

“Yeah idiot, who else?” Dream giggled, “And maybe that would make our coming-out-of-the-closet very fucking epic. I mean, everything is epic with you.” George had to blink several times to comprehend the comment. Maybe it was better than a boring tweet, after all.

“M-my boyfriend?”

“Yes,” Dream said as he placed a kiss on the lips, but George was too shocked to kiss back, something that made him giggle more. “I made you speechless. Shit, I think I killed my first boyfriend.” This was Dream’s first boyfriend, but it was George’s first actual relationship.

“But you are still not ready,” George finally said. Finally, a full sentence.

“I know, but I think I rather do it with you. Together, you know?” And it assured George that Dream said it like that. That they were together. Even though it felt like a very good fever dream. “Only if you want to.”

“Yes,” George placed a kiss on his lips, brushing them against each other before pulling away, “Does this mean you will be officially mine?”

“Would you like me to be?”

“Obviously,” He smiled.

Then they kissed again, both having small tears in their eyes from the shock and the happiness. And the kiss felt more secure than ever because this time they did not kiss as friends. They kissed as boyfriends. They kissed as someone that wanted to be together. And by the kiss, the moment from earlier faded away. It didn’t seem so scary anymore. Suddenly, the worry disappeared, and they were flying. Flying around the room full of colorful clouds. Almost like they could take over the world.

Yeah, maybe it would have been epic to be just them, and maybe that would last. Maybe it was them. Forever. Or for a while. But at this moment, they knew they were each other’s. And nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Thank you for all the support!
> 
> And sorry for being quite late

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading!  
> If you have any thing you wish to see me write about, any suggestions, any criticism - just let me know! I am open for whatever and we can together make a story.


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